Hire Jim Essian

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

When I did a GIS for Prince Fielder, the top related search was "prince fielder fat." Indeed he is, oh prescient Google. Prince Fielder is so fat, he has to wake up in sections. He's so fat, Rickie Weeks jogs around him for exercise. He's so fat, if he leaves Milwaukee via free agency, Wisconsin will ... Read More

For much of the mid-2000s, the Milwaukee Brewers' rotation consisted of Ben Sheets and four indistinguishable jackasses who couldn't throw fastballs hard enough to break water and had an aggressive affinity at alliteration. I'm not one for ridiculous conspiracies, but there is absolutely no reason to believe that Dave Bush, Doug Davis, Gary Glover, and Chris Capuano are not ... Read More

You can just imagine my jubilation when I read the title to this week's Muskbox. "How Clutch is Theriot?" the Muskbox inquired. "THIS MANY!" Theriot responded, holding up three fingers on his right hand and one finger on his left hand. And that's how this Muskbox was born. I know Ryan Theriot has had some clutch hits recently, ... Read More