Hire Jim Essian

It's hard to imagine that Neifi Neftali Perez was a bigger liability to the Cubs when off their roster than when on it. When last we left Neifi over four years ago, he was being honored as the second-worst Cub of my time. Now here we sit, eagerly awaiting his official retirement from baseball so that his Hall of Fame eligibility clock can begin its insistent ticking. Surely, a man with a career .297 OBP will not get a call from the Hall of Fame. He would, however, if the BBWAA considered only Neifi's statistics against the Cubs. His career pursuit of those numbers caused Neifi to scrap his way all the way up to #18 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

There was a time not so long ago when Adam Dunn was a legitimate threat to use a baseball bat to make contact with a baseball. A simpler time, when Dunn was a National League player forced to run around uncomfortably in the infield or outfield with a glove on his hand. A time when Dunn would positively VORP your face off, even as radio callers would complain about his copious strikeouts and "three possible outcomes" approach to hitting. It was in this far simpler time that the man who would become the 19th-biggest Cub Killer of My Time was born.

Paul Konerko has long been the most popular member of the White Sox. And why not? Sure, he looks like a record-store clerk, but he can hit, and he allegedly help the White Sox to a World Series title in 2005. Plus, the overweight female population alone has kept XXL Konerko jerseys in huge demand. His fans' jerseys, however, aren't the only thing XXL about Konerko's career. The first baseman's career numbers against the Cubs earned him the 20th spot on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

There is a very real and sad possibility that last week's Muskbox may be the last one of the season. Meaning they will certainly address those last remaining questions you have about the Cubs. All of the important stuff, like HOW DID THE CUBS FARE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION IN 2000??? The Muskbox is nothing if ... Read More

Before Angel Guzman was around to tempt Cubs fans with his seemingly-limitless potential and seemingly-glass musculoskeletal structure, a skinny kid from the Dominican Republic rocketed through the Cubs' minor league system. By the time he was 21 years old, Juan Cruz looked and pitched like an old wise man. Cruz teased Cubs fans in the spring with his ... Read More

There are two things that stand out in the career of Vinny Castilla. His dark, flowing mullet and the horrible things he did to Cub pitching throughout the course of his 16 MLB seasons. Cub pitchers breathed a collective sigh of relief when the former Rockie, Brave, National, Astro, and Devil Ray retired after the 2006 season. ... Read More

I don't know if it's intentional or not, but I think Carrie is trying to hide the Muskbox from me. It's come out on Thursdays the past few times. You know the Weekly BROWSing happens on Friday, Carrie, you clever minx. Conspiracies aside, This week's Muskbox sics the DEA on Jim Hendry and Ryne Sandberg, continues Starling Castro's NL ... Read More

Oh, what the 2001 Cubs season might have been if the Cubs hadn't allowed outfielder Luis Gonzalez to walk at the end of the 1996 season. Sosa wouldn't have had to single-handedly attempt to carry the Cubs into the playoffs. Gonzalez's 57-home run, 142-RBI season would have paired nicely with Sosa's unbelievable campaign. But, alas, the Cub ... Read More

The Cubs are in Cincinnati to take on Dusty Baker's Reds, which always reminds me how glad I am that they are not "Dusty Baker's Cubs." The two managers prior to Lou Piniella were back-to-back dumbasses. So, let's put them in the Fukudome. VS. Dusty Baker Don Baylor ... Read More