Hire Jim Essian

Welcome to your weekly dose of questions about the playing roles of fringe Cubs who, in a perfect world, won't be on the team next year. Hell, even in a non-horrible world they won't be on the team next year. But these questions continue. They persist. They eat your very soul. So, if you're driven ... Read More

What special brand of madness awaits us in this week's Muskbox? Will it find a place for Carlos Zambrano...AT FIRST BASE? Will the Muskbox play Robert Langdon as she unravels the mystery of the EX-CUB FACTOR? WHERE SHOULD WE SEND TYLER COLVIN'S WEDDING GIFTS??? Some of those questions may or may not be answered below. How is ... Read More

Well, I'm back, like it or not. The trip was outstanding, THANKS A LOT FOR ASKING. Rather than spending fourteen hours powering through thousands of unread feeds, I wiped my feed reader as soon as I got back in town. If there was a Muskbox in there, it is lost to the ages. There was, however, ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

Okay, so it's more like "Today at 1:20..." but the message is still the same. Derrek Lee is no longer a Cub, but, hey, at least John Grabow is out for the season. Remember him? Remember how he pitched for a while there? Sure you do. Not a whole lot of tips to be had ... Read More

Despite Lou Piniella's alleged mandate that all Cub infielders be wrapped in bubble wrap, surrounded in safety foam, and forbidden from diving for baseballs, Derrek Lee somehow managed to play his hardest, GET INJURED, and be traded to the Braves yesterday along with cash for three more young pitchers. Because the Cubs have a lot of young pitchers, see? Jim ... Read More

If there's one sports radio refrain that annoys me, it's, "Tom Ricketts is being SO SMART AND CAREFUL about his evaluation of Jim Hendry." Bullshit. The Cubs are now halfway through their first season under Ricketts' ownership. They're 39-50, with the third-highest payroll in all of Major League Baseball. The only two more expensive teams are ... Read More

Here's the part where I point out that Carlos Zambrano is a very good pitcher. And now here is the part where I point out that he's a fucking psychopath and I'm sick of his bullshit. In case you missed it today (and, if you have any common sense whatsoever, you're not watching this game), Carlos went off ... Read More

You're so predictable, Cubs fans. More predictable than the Cubs losing the first two games of every single series. More predictable than Randy Wells getting lit up in the first inning. More predictable than Ryan Theriot swinging at a first pitch. The five people who are still watching Cub baseball all wrote in to the Muskbox ... Read More

I thought the Cubs had officially given up on non-ridiculous promotional giveaways when they gave out Mia Hamm jerseys or bobbleheads or ovaries, or whatever they gave out when Nomar Garciaparra was a Cub. But if you have the pleasure of going to today's game against the Oakland A's, you might be the recipient of this brilliant bobblehead doll ... Read More