Hire Jim Essian

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

There is a very real and sad possibility that last week's Muskbox may be the last one of the season. Meaning they will certainly address those last remaining questions you have about the Cubs. All of the important stuff, like HOW DID THE CUBS FARE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION IN 2000??? The Muskbox is nothing if ... Read More

Surely, you remember Preston Wilson. His hair was kinda- I don't know- brown. Well, not really brown. Oh, he's tall. Yeah. Kinda- kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's always wearing- like- t-shirts. I mean, he's Preston. PRESTON. You know? Preston. Press-TONE! And he's the 29th biggest Cub ... Read More

Well, it's still Jim Hendry day, and old Jim made a few good moves during his time. No question, however, the two best moves he made were (1) trading Bobby Hill, Matt (hee hee!) Bruback, and Jose Hernandez to the Pittsburgh Pirates for Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton; and (2) trading Hee Seop Choi to the Florida Marlins for ... Read More

Billy Wagner has had a very long, very successful MLB career. Wagner was half of a lethal back end of a Houston Astros bullpen in the early '00s. Wagner saved games behind setup man Octavio Dotel. He's saved quite a few of them in his sixteen seasons. 422, to be precise. He might be stuck ... Read More

Of all the obscure former Cubs who were once traded for Kyle Farnsworth and Steve Trachsel, and who you didn't even realize were reacquired by the Cubs, Scott Moore is that specific one. And he's actually the subject of a question in this week's Muskbox. Scott. Moore. I'm stunned the Cubs would spend $10 million on Pena and ... Read More

If you thought that this week's Muskbox would ask whether or not Greg Maddux will be the next Cubs pitching coach, say another sooth, give yourself a gold star, and prepare for your weekly reminder of why you're embarrassed to be a Cubs fan. And, if you're NOT so embarrassed, thank you for your contributions to the Muskbox this week. Now that ... Read More

The Muskbox is generally a non-hilarious mix of the same four questions over and over again. WHY DID THE CUBBIES GIVE UP ON KERRY WOODS??? WHY ISN'T MICAH HOFFPOWER GETTING MORE PLAYING TIME??? WHY WON'T THE CUBS TRADE FOR ADAM DUNN??? WHAT TIME IS THE GAME ON JUNE 23RD??? But this week's Muskbox accomplishes a first. And I mean "first." EVERY SINGLE QUESTION is about first base. ... Read More

Welcome to your weekly dose of questions about the playing roles of fringe Cubs who, in a perfect world, won't be on the team next year. Hell, even in a non-horrible world they won't be on the team next year. But these questions continue. They persist. They eat your very soul. So, if you're driven ... Read More

What special brand of madness awaits us in this week's Muskbox? Will it find a place for Carlos Zambrano...AT FIRST BASE? Will the Muskbox play Robert Langdon as she unravels the mystery of the EX-CUB FACTOR? WHERE SHOULD WE SEND TYLER COLVIN'S WEDDING GIFTS??? Some of those questions may or may not be answered below. How is ... Read More