Hire Jim Essian

When one thinks of the great families in baseball history, some names come to mind. The Alous. The Alomars. The Bondses. The Griffeys. The Ripkens. The...Cansecos? The Hairstons? But Cubs fans know that the greatest baseball family of all time is the Valentin family. The Valentin brothers, Jose and Javier, are the fifth-biggest Cub Killers of My Time.

There was a time not so long ago when Adam Dunn was a legitimate threat to use a baseball bat to make contact with a baseball. A simpler time, when Dunn was a National League player forced to run around uncomfortably in the infield or outfield with a glove on his hand. A time when Dunn would positively VORP your face off, even as radio callers would complain about his copious strikeouts and "three possible outcomes" approach to hitting. It was in this far simpler time that the man who would become the 19th-biggest Cub Killer of My Time was born.

Paul Konerko has long been the most popular member of the White Sox. And why not? Sure, he looks like a record-store clerk, but he can hit, and he allegedly help the White Sox to a World Series title in 2005. Plus, the overweight female population alone has kept XXL Konerko jerseys in huge demand. His fans' jerseys, however, aren't the only thing XXL about Konerko's career. The first baseman's career numbers against the Cubs earned him the 20th spot on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

Whenever a team lets a player go for no compensation, although they say all the right things and wish him well, they are secretly hoping that the player sucks throughout the course of his career. You hope he becomes Mark Prior or Matt Clement or Rueben Quevedo. You certainly don't want him to become the greatest pitcher of ... Read More

I offer you this submission. Never has there been a more hate-worthy Cub shortstop than Ryan Theriot. Not Jeff Blauser. Not Neifi Perez. Not Alex Gonzalez. Not Ronny Cedeno. All of those guys were terrible, but they either had some redeeming moments (Gonzalez), were hated solely because of misuse (Perez), were harmless simpletons (Cedeno), ... Read More

Somewhere in the MLB Network studios, Sean Casey is still running out a double that he hit in 2006, his last year in the National League Central. That double was likely hit against a Cub pitcher. You see, the pudgy, slow-footed, affable Sean Casey did some of the best work of his 12-season career against the Chicago Cubs. ... Read More

Way back in 2002, the Cincinnati Reds revealed a slugger who was supposed to be Sosa- McGwire- and Bonds-esque in his ability to hit home runs. Despite his inability to draw walks, catch and throw a baseball, or either spell or pronounce the name "Willy," Wily Mo Pena was going to team up with Austin Kearns and Adam Dunn ... Read More

Travel back in time with me, if you will, to a time before the Cubs' "Cajun Connection" of former Louisiana State University players Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot. Years before that cute moniker was first used to describe the diminutive middle infielders, the Cubs had a GRITTY second baseman with beard stubble and a Tiger pedigree of his own. ... Read More

If the entry on the 35th biggest Cub killer of my time were printed out, there's a very good chance that Dave Parker would roll it up and snort the foul lines through it. Throughout the course of his 19-year MLB career, Parker killed almost as many Cub pitchers as brain cells. Though Parker was never seriously a ... Read More

It's stupid that Barry Larkin isn't already in the MLB Hall of Fame while Ozzie Smith is. Larkin was one of the most dominant offensive shortstops over the course of a 19-year career spent entirely with the Reds. On his resume, Larkin can list 12 All Star game selections, 9 Silver Sluggers, 3 Gold Gloves, and an MVP. ... Read More