Friday Night Fukudome: Cardinals vs. Reds
I hate to have to break this to you via the Fukudome, but it appears that the Cubs may very well be out of the NL Central race. The Central has become a two-team race with two of your least-favorite managers managing two of the reddest rosters in baseball. COMMIES. It’s time to get your [...]
At Least We Might Not See Theriot Until the Third Inning
As promised, last night Lou Piniella shuffled his lineup against left-handed pitcher Jonathon Niese. Marlon Byrd led off, and scrappy shortstop Ryan Theriot batted eighth. If the Cubs are going to continue to insist that Theriot is a Major League Baseball player, the eighth spot is where he belongs. Except on days when Carlos Zambrano [...]
LIVE BLOG Tonight 6:00 p.m.
It’s been a while since I tried my hand at live blogging, but I’m in the mood for it tonight. Since this is HJE I’m not going to live blog the Cubs-Reds game tonight. That would be far too easy. No, as the guys at TMS mentioned before they got into a tickle fight over [...]
Friday Night Fukudome: Baker vs. Baylor
The Cubs are in Cincinnati to take on Dusty Baker’s Reds, which always reminds me how glad I am that they are not “Dusty Baker’s Cubs.” The two managers prior to Lou Piniella were back-to-back dumbasses. So, let’s put them in the Fukudome. VS. Dusty Baker Don Baylor
It’s the Goocher!
I’ve been at some strange Cubs games in my life. I was at the game in 2000 against the Dodgers when some enterprising Cubs fan nearly incited a riot by swiping the hat off the head of Chad Kreuter while Kreuter was seated in the Dodger bullpen. I was at the game against the Rockies [...]
You Can’t Hide the Muskbox
Last week, the Muskbox came out on Thursday, presumably because Carrie knows that Fridays at HJE are Sweet Uncle Lou’s time to shine. But you can’t hide the Muskbox from me, Carrie. Especially since it’s so stupid, it emits an odor. So, here we go.
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #58: “Charles” Bronson “Has Chunks of Guys Like” Arroyo “In His Stool”
If there’s one thing I hate more than people who are famous just for being famous, it’s already-famous people who try to be doubly famous for things at which they absolutely suck. Like Michael Jordan playing baseball. Or Shaquille O’Neal rapping. Or Russell Crowe acting. Number 58 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My [...]
T79 #60: Lenny “Bull” Dykstra
So help me God, for my entire childhood I thought Lenny Dykstra had no teeth. The guy’s mouth was blacker than a kid with braces eating Oreos. I did know one thing, though. I knew that every time “Nails” came up against the Cubs, he was going to be a huge pain in the ass [...]
It’s a Beautiful Night for a Dinner. Table for Two!
On my way home from work tonight, the lovely J-Kerm called me to ask if I wanted to go out to dinner at a local Naperville establishment. J-Kerm, who has a sudden affinity for signing us up for every single e-mail club on the planet, had a coupon for a free entree that expires tomorrow. [...]
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “NEWSFLASH: Bonds is a Liar” Edition
Barry Bonds’ trial might feel like old news, because technically he hasn’t been found guilty yet. But it’s only a matter of time, right? I mean, the evidence shows that he’s tested positive for three different types of steroids and that his personal trainer shot him up with them. He said he never knowingly used [...]
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