Have the Cubs considered Fuld to play center field next year?

Probably. But this is also a franchise who has considered the following players “able” to play center field:

• Lance Johnson
• Corey Patterson
• Dave Martinez
• Juan Pierre
• Willie Wilson
• Kosuke Fukudome
• Gary Matthews, Jr.
• Brian McRae
• Damon Buford
• Doug Dascenzo
• Tuffy Rhodes
• Todd Dunwoody
• Michael Tucker
• Joey Gathright

From what I’ve seen, he’s by far the best outfielder of anyone on the roster…

From what I’ve seen, you should watch more baseball games.

…and he has a great on-base percentage (both in the Majors and Minors). It would seem economically reasonable along with re-signing Reed Johnson. They both generate a lot of energy, something in short supply last year.
– Mike H., Santa Ana, Calif.

SHORT supply. Get it? Because Fuld is short. And “economically reasonable,” because Fuld is Jew- oh, never mind.

CARRIE: Fuld, who batted .299 in 65 games with the Cubs, will get a chance, and could be a perfect option for a fourth outfielder.

No, a “perfect” option for a fourth outfielder is Grady Sizemore or the 1997 version of Ken Griffey, Jr.

CARRIE: Lou Piniella has said he’d like another RBI guy in the mix. Fuld didn’t help his case by totaling two RBIs, and those were in his last game, Oct. 4. Clarence H. of Jackson, Miss., wrote to suggest the Cubs go with youngsters like Nelson Perez, Tyler Colvin or Brad Snyder. I haven’t seen Perez, but was impressed — as was Piniella — with Colvin in center during his brief call-up at the end of the year.

I, too, was impressed by his impressy impressivish .176/.250/.176 line.

CARRIE: Reed Johnson is a free agent, and his return will depend on whether he, his agent, and the Cubs can agree upon a workable contract.

For all you youngsters out there, generally a baseball player won’t just randomly show up at a Major League camp in the spring unless he and what we call his “agent” do what we call “agree” on the “terms” of a “contract.”

I’m sick over this talk of trading for Curtis Granderson.

I’M DRAMATIC OVER THIS MUSKBOX.

The Cubs finally have a future foundation of impact prospects on their way, and we’re talking about trading it away for Granderson?

Oh, dear. You’ve been reading Vine Line again, haven’t you? Aside from Starlin Castro, the only impact you’re going to see from a Cub prospect is that made by said prospect as his career plummets to the earth.

I agree with [ESPN.com's] Keith Law on the idea — no thanks. Imagine in 2011 or ’12 with [Josh] Vitters at third, [Starlin] Castro and Hak-Ju Lee up the middle, Brett Jackson or Colvin in center field and [Geovany] Soto behind the plate. Not to mention [Andrew] Cashner and [Jay] Jackson in the rotation with [Carlos] Marmol at the back end of the bullpen. The Cubs would be so flush with cash and flexibility, it’d be coming out of their ears. Kind of like, oh, I don’t know, the Red Sox?

I[, Bad Kermit,] couldn’t agree more. If [the Cubs] were run more like the [Red] Sox, [the Cubs] would have won more [Major League Baseball World] Pennants. Their [good] success would be an inspiration to us fans [of the Chicago Cubs].

I’m so giddy about the solid foundation of homegrown talent that I would be completely fine with just competing in 2010.

Such a fine line between giddy and retarded.

I’m sick of 100-year talk and every year having to be the year. Let’s slow down once, be patient and build this baby for the long haul.
– Peter O., Chicago

You mean, like, the NEXT hundred years?

CARRIE: Baseball America recently projected the Cubs’ 2013 lineup as: Soto at catcher, Derrek Lee at first, Castro at second, Aramis Ramirez at third, Hak-Ju Lee at short, Vitters in left, Jackson in center, and Kyler Burke in right. According to Baseball America, the rotation four years from now will be Carlos Zambrano, Jackson, Chris Carpenter (not the Cardinals’ ace), Ryan Dempster and Randy Wells, with Cashner as the closer.

Baseball America: eater of all of my hopes and dreams.

CARRIE: Would I like to see that? Yes — or something close to that. Will the Cubs do that despite a fan base and media that seem to demand instant gratification? I don’t know.

Is it hackish to write questions and answer them myself? Yes. Am I starting to get worried about this mole on my wrist? Yes. If I were Ryan Theriot, would the first thing I’d do be to get a haircut? Yes. Can I see through time and space to the 2013 lineup? I don’t know.

I just wanted to say I believe signing Jaramillo will help Milton Bradley. I know Jaramillo does not take a lot of nonsense. It just seems like a great move to bring someone in that Bradley is familiar with (and has had success with) and can hopefully put him back on the right track. Has Bradley mentioned anything about the signing?
– Greg H., Elmhurst, Ill.

Why didn’t Carrie add “[Rudy]“? I don’t know. Was Carrie just being a bitch to that other guy? Possibly. Does this guy seriously think Bradley is going to be on the team next year? Apparently.

CARRIE: The Cubs’ decision to hire Jaramillo was not connected to Bradley. However, if GM Jim Hendry can’t move the switch-hitting outfielder, having Jaramillo on the team will give Bradley someone he is comfortable with.

At least until Jaramillo makes the unforgivable mistake of saying something controversial and overtly racist such as, “Hey, Milton. What’s going on, friend?”

The Cubs had problems last year determining an everyday second baseman.

WINNER: Most Inexplicable Use of the Word “Determining”

There are many candidates such as Dan Uggla, whom the Marlins are trying to unload, and even free agent Chone Figgins. I see the biggest need this offseason is to get an everyday second baseman. What do you think?
– Blair S., Chesterfield, Mo.

The Cubs already have an everyday second baseman. Unfortunately, he’s so busy playing shortstop, I don’t know if he’ll have time to play second.

CARRIE: Figgins is versatile, but he has played more games at third base and outfield than second. Don’t think teams are looking at him for second. Uggla is coming off a season in which he batted a personal-low .243 in 158 games with 31 homers, 27 doubles and 90 RBIs. He also struck out 150 times. He made 16 errors, second most among NL second basemen, and has committed double-digit errors every season. There has been talk that the Marlins want him to change positions. Uggla also is expensive. He was paid $5.35 million in 2009 and is arbitration-eligible.

Plus, just ask Rex Grossman’s dad what the city of Chicago does to athletes with T-Rex arms. Uggla won’t stand a chance.

CARRIE: The Mets are believed to be interested in moving Luis Castillo, 34. A switch-hitter, he batted .264 against lefties and .319 against right-handers, and he made 11 errors. He’s also expensive. Castillo has two years remaining on his four-year deal, and he is owed $12 million ($6 million each year).

He’s also completely terrible, and somehow has less power than Theriot. LESS POWER THAN THERIOT.

CARRIE: Cubs second basemen did struggle in ’09, combining to hit .254 with seven homers and 49 RBIs. I think the in-house option of Jeff Baker is better than Castillo or Uggla. Baker posted a .288 average in 81 games, hit four homers, 15 doubles and drove in 24 runs. He made three errors total last year (two at second, one at third). Both he and Mike Fontenot, who is still on the roster, are arbitration-eligible, and both are better defensively than Uggla or Castillo. People need to stop suggesting Alfonso Soriano move back to second. He was switched to the outfield for a reason.

What that reason is, is hard to define.

CARRIE: And the biggest need on my offseason wish list is moving Bradley.

Where does “one solid, intelligent Muskbox” fall? Second-biggest? Third-biggest?

How did Jackson, DJ LeMahieu, Austin Kirk and Christopher Rusin do in the Minor Leagues this year? Which one is most likely to make it to the Cubs roster or to any MLB roster?
– Dean S., Goshen, Ind.

Seriously? I write a fucking Cubs blog, and I’ve never heard of 75% of those guys. And which Jackson do you mean, Dean? Jay? Brett? NIC?

CARRIE: If I were a betting person, I’d put my money on Jackson and LeMahieu to get to the big leagues before Kirk and Rusin.

“Fortunately, I’m not a betting person. I’m a teetotaling librarian whose biggest gamble was briefly turning off the parental controls on my TV so I could watch a show about chastity. It was FILTHY, by the way.”

CARRIE: Jackson, the Cubs’ No. 1 pick in the 2009 First-Year Player Draft, batted .330 in 24 games at Class A Boise with one homer, one double, one triple and 15 RBIs. He was promoted to Class A Peoria and hit .295 in 26 games with seven homers, five doubles, one triple and 17 RBIs.

So, on a scale from 1 to SAM FULD, how soon should we start building a statue of him outside of Wrigley Field?

CARRIE: In 28 games at Peoria, LeMahieu batted .316 with four doubles, two triples and 30 RBIs. Kirk pitched in five games with the Mesa Rookie League team and two games with Boise, which isn’t enough to gauge.

“I couldn’t find those statistics.”

CARRIE: Rusin pitched in 11 games total. He started eight at Boise and struck out 27 and walked nine over 31 innings.

Rothschild is going to have to work with him to get that total up. The walk total, of course.

Do you think the Ricketts family would approve a “Goat Day” at Wrigley Field? On this day, a goat and its handler (like from a petting zoo) would be allowed onto the field to watch the game and therefore undo the curse of the billy goat. I say do it.
– Scott R., Dixon, Ill.

Fuck you.

CARRIE: The Cubs tried that in 1994, when a goat was led onto the field (and through the bullpen while Steve Trachsel was warming up). It didn’t work. Besides, the Ricketts family doesn’t believe in curses.

What do you mean, “didn’t work”? Thanks to that goat, we didn’t have to watch an entire 162-game season from the shit show that was the 1994 Cubs. Tom Trebelhorn. Yeesh.

CARRIE: It’s been tough to fit the Inbox in lately, but it will be a regular feature this offseason. Send your questions to cubsinbox@gmail.com, and please include your name and hometown.

1. Who has time to answer questions, when one is busy getting timely interviews with Shawon Dunston?
2. Cubs.com seriously couldn’t have given Carrie her own e-mail address for the Muskbox? She’s using Gmail? Really?

What are the chances the Cubs could sign a top-tier leadoff man like Chone Figgins this offseason? It seems as though that’s the thing the Cubs have been missing these past years. Even though the controversy started surrounding Alfonso Soriano as the leadoff man, I’ve always thought that, being a dead fastball hitter, he’d do much better in the No. 2 spot with a speedster like Figgins on the bases in front of him. That would make the opposing pitcher throw more fastballs. I like the fact that Ryan Theriot has increased his patience at the plate, but his stolen-base percentage doesn’t seem to make him a particularly effective baserunner in the No. 1 spot.
– Todd W., Bloomington, Ind.

We grinned and beared the Brian Roberts offseason. We gritted our teeth and muscled through the Jake Peavy offseason. Cubs fans, prepare yourselves. Coming this winter….

“Chone? Chone? Where are you?”

…the fastest thing on two legs…

“Figgins breaks for second!”

…will be stealing bases…

“Figgins is the new Kenny Lofton!”

…and YOUR SOUL!

“Hendry already stole my soul when he traded Mark DeRosa.”

THE CHONE FIGGINS OFFSEASON

Coming to a blog near you this winter.

CARRIE: Lou Piniella has a wish list, and a leadoff man is No. 3.

1. Inflatable tits.
2. Rum dispenser in the dugout.
3. Leadoff man.
4. Aaron Miles’ head on a stick.

CARRIE: He’d like more speed, and the openings are at second base and center field. I liked Kosuke Fukudome in the No. 1 spot, but he’d have to cut down on the strikeouts. Theriot is an option, but I think he fits better in the No. 2 spot.

I agree. Theriot fits better in the number two spot…of the Cardinals.

CARRIE: Even though Soriano’s critics want him out of the top spot, he’s definitely not a No. 2 hitter because he strikes out so often.

I was going to write something snarky about Theriot striking out here, but instead I’ll just point out this depressing statistic. Do you know who leads the 2009 Cubs in plate appearances (656) and at-bats (586)?

Derrek Lee.

Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be awesome? In the “biz,” they call that “misdirection.” No, it’s Theriot. For the sake of comparison, here are the guys leading in plate appearances/at-bats on the probable playoff teams:

• Derek Jeter/Robinson Cano
• Dustin Pedroia
• Michael Cuddyer (fuck you, Detroit, where it’s Curtis Granderson)
• Chone Figgins
• Jimmy Rollins
• Albert Pujols
• Rafael Furcal
• Todd Helton/Clint Barmes

CARRIE: The Cubs did get to the postseason two straight years with him as the leadoff man, and batting first was a plus because he is a fastball hitter. To protect his legs and keep him healthy, Soriano will start next season further down in the lineup.

Or, just stick him where a free-swinging power guy is best-suited (5 or 6 in the lineup) and realize that, given time, his numbers in that position will most likely settle near his career averages (not accounting for decline due to age).

I read an article saying Mark DeRosa would be interested in coming back to the Cubs if they were interested in signing him. Do you think there is a chance we could see DeRo in Cubbie blue again next season?
– Joe E., Chicago

In the future, I am going to send a cyborg back through time to August, 2009 on a mission to hunt down and murder every “Joe E.” in the Chicago phone directory.

“Are you Joe E.?”
“Yes.”
BLAMMO!!!

CARRIE: As much as I’d like to have DeRosa back…

Or even BAREback, am I right, Carrie?

CARRIE:…his asking price may end up being too high for the Cubs.

Especially if Jim Hendry manages to drive up DeRosa’s price to the point where even Jim Hendry himself cannot sign him.

CARRIE: Other teams have realized how valuable he is.

Especially the Cardinals, for whom DeRosa has hit a very pedestrian .234/.301/.423. Or the Indians, who treasured DeRosa’s versatility as he committed 8 errors at third base and 1 at first base. But, hey, he has stubble.

CARRIE: The Cardinals were expected to pursue him, too. DeRosa will have surgery on his left wrist this offseason, so teams have to consider how much they want to gamble on that.

And Dave Kaplan will need surgery on his left wrist if they bring DeRosa back. Interpret that as you will.

Has the impending sale of the Cubs this year hampered Jim Hendry in putting a winning team together for the season?
– Sig B., Annapolis, Md.

Not at all. He’s been completely capable of not putting a winning team together for about 8 years now.

CARRIE: It’s hampered the Cubs as far as in-season moves.

I’m going to quibble here for a moment and defend Hendry from both sides of my mouth. The Cardinals could very easily end up winning between 92-95 games this year. Of the guys who were available at the trade deadline, I don’t believe that any single player could have pushed the 2009 Cubs to a 92-95 game winner. That would probably be a 7-9 game swing from one player in two months of baseball. Unless the player was Albert Pujols (and possibly not even then), it wasn’t going to happen this year.

Now, on the one hand, it is Hendry’s fault that the team wasn’t better put-together in the offseason. On the other hand, the additions that Hendry did make have worked out quite well. Assuming Rich Harden won’t be back, I’m rooting for Tom Gorzelanny to win the fifth spot in the rotation next year. John Grabow has been excellent for a team that started the year with Neal F. Cotts as its LOOGY. Hendry should absolutely be held responsible for failing to put together a more competitive team in the offseason. However, I’m actually pretty pleased with the mid-season trade he made with the Pirates, and I think the trade will pay dividends next year.

CARRIE: “The fact that the club has been up for sale, there are things we could do and not do,” Piniella said.

“Sorry, Alfonso. I can’t move you down in the lineup yet, because the club is for sale!”

“I’d love to bat Theriot 8th, but this damn sale is taking forever!”

“I understand, Carlos and Angel, that you’re both far better candidates for closer, but I can’t kick Gregg to the curb until this cursed sale is completed!”

“Sure, it’s possible that Jake Fox would be an adequate replacement at third base for the 50 games Aramis is going to be out, but how can I find that out with this sale going on?”

“I’d love to crack a window in the clubhouse after Dempster threw another stink bomb in the showers, but I can’t because of this sale!”

Shut up, Lou.

Do you think the Cubs will call up pitcher J.R. Mathes from Triple-A Iowa? He pitched well in the Minors.
– Joshua O., Puerto Rico

Yeah, they’d better get him up here to SAVE THE SEASON!

CARRIE: No, the Cubs have enough pitchers for the final stretch. Plus, calling up Minor Leaguers affects their service time down the road, which is one of the reasons the Cubs were hesitant to add Tyler Colvin to the big league roster.

Might as well get the kids up here so they can disappoint us, get booed, have their character assassinated by management, and get traded for peanuts sooner rather than later.

I know this is a stupid question…

Boy, have YOU come to the right place.

…but what is the meaning of “TB” in the box score?
– Barbara L., Melbourne, Fla.

Tuberculosis. Next question.

CARRIE: It stands for “Total Bases.” And, Barbara, there are no stupid questions.

Yes, there are. Fortunately, most of them are confined to this space.

• Milton Bradley is besmirching the legacy of Samuel Peralta Sosa by wearing his old number 21! It’s going to make the Sosa jersey retirement ceremony awkward when they have to hang Bradley from the foul pole in full uniform. It’ll be even MORE awkward when we sign Sosa, and he has to wear number 99.
• Chris DeLuca is retarded already bitching about Jim Hendry’s offseason moves. Because apparently Chone Figgins or Brian Roberts would have been a better acquisition than Milton Bradley, since Bradley is a big meanie.
• “Jim Hendry Way“? Seriously? How the hell did my proposal to place a giant sign over the Skyway that reads “WELCOME TO PINIELLATOWN” get rejected?
• Wow. Mark Cuban is WAY more boring than I assumed he was.
• Couldn’t Sergio Mitre have done some drugs while he was playing with the Cubs? I know several Cubs fans who were forced to do drugs every time he started.
• How many MLB teams can you name in three minutes? Ronnie Cedeno got one. I’m not sure why it shows 31 teams, because you only need to name 30.
• It’s too bad nothing related to Hitler is ever funny, because I laughed pretty hard at these common resume mistakes.
• I suspect whatever caused this will arrive at planet Earth during Game 7 of the World Series at Wrigley Field with two down in the top of the 9th, and the Cubs leading 12-0.
• Australia. Home of marsupials, the Great Barrier Reef, Paul Hogan, and some dude who rapes inflatable sex dolls. Now that I think of it, let’s not rule out Hogan as a suspect.

That’s it for me. Only seven more days until I have to stand outside the Hilton and tell you drunken idiots I’m the wallet inspector.

-Sweet Uncle Lou