Hire Jim Essian

Happy New Year, folks. If you're at work on New Year's Eve, the least I can do for you is absolutely nothing. But I'll do slightly better than that and give you a light BROWSing. I hope you already have your resolutions in order. I resolve to read and cherish each and every one of your ... Read More

When I was growing up watching Cubs games with Harry Caray and Steve Stone in the booth, I'm ashamed to admit that I honestly thought Stone was a baseball genius. It blew my mind that Stone could prognosticate which pitch would be thrown in a certain situation or whether or not a batter would try to steal a base. ... Read More

With the Crosstown Classic in full crappy swing, there are plenty of hateworthy Sox players in town. Which leads us to our Fukudome. VS. Ozzie Guillen A.J. Pierzynski ... Read More

Oh, happy day! It's Crosstown Classic weekend! The weekend where two teams headed nowhere square off against one another and try to prove who cares less about playing one another. The answer? You fans. Also, me. I've been dealing with just the tips for the past two weeks, so we have some catching up ... Read More

You deserve it, dadgummit! ... Read More

George Will was on Mully and Hanley this morning talking baseball. It sounded like he was wearing a bow tie, so I'll just assume he was. Anyhow, baseball's geekiest advocate was talking about divisional realignment, the Bears (why?), and baseball's stupidest new idea. Since they can't be bothered to win World Championships (2005: ALWAYS FORGET), the Cubs ... Read More

As promised, last night Lou Piniella shuffled his lineup against left-handed pitcher Jonathon Niese. Marlon Byrd led off, and scrappy shortstop Ryan Theriot batted eighth. If the Cubs are going to continue to insist that Theriot is a Major League Baseball player, the eighth spot is where he belongs. Except on days when Carlos Zambrano is pitching. ... Read More

Ed. Note: When I'm long gone from this world and tales are told of what I did to make a difference in this life, no one will have an answer that doesn't, at some point, use the phrase "dick joke." Whether I leave a legacy in the expanding world of penis jokes or not, though, I certainly don't ... Read More

Christmas came early to Sox-hating Cubs fans this year. The Los Angeles Dodgers have just traded Juan Pierre to the Chicago White Sox. If you were here for the Bottom 126, you will recall that my entry on Pierre touched off one of the hottest, one-sided debates in HJE history. Welcome back to Chicago, Juan. May your balls ... Read More

Do you know what today is? It's a very special day. It's the one-month pre-anniversary of the end of this godawful season. Was there any doubt that we'd get shut out by a rookie pitcher yesterday? Was there any doubt that Alfonso Soriano would whiff three times and make an error? I've seen bowling teams ... Read More