Hire Jim Essian

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

Opening Day is here, gang! The Cubs have, predictably, already lost. However, one of YOU won today, thanks to Carlos Silva! JerBear50 had this to say about Silva's snotty departure from the Cubs: This seems a lot like the recently dumped girlfriend who thinks she�s more of a catch than she really is, and then realizes she�s a used up ... Read More

Color me surprised that the Ricketts family actually realized that it's better to pay Carlos Silva $11.5M to NOT play for their team than to play for their team. After the Cubs cut the huge, gelatinous blob from the team, Silva continued making a strong case that maybe Milton Bradley WASN'T the biggest asshole in that trade. Certainly ... Read More

Everyone who has watched Carlos Silva pitch or eat has gotten sick to his stomach. The pitching part continued today, as Silva gave up eight runs in the third inning to the Angels. Presumably, Aramis Ramirez just stood over at third base and laughed his ass off. For a franchise that didn't have any qualms about throwing actual, productive ... Read More

It's been a long time, folks. I've missed you. And, okay, this SEEMS like a no-brainer. We're revisiting the Silva-Bradley trade. Shit has happened. It's a little bit later. Milton Bradley whipped a glass at a girl's face, which is just about the most-unacceptable thing a human man can do. However, Carlos Silva ... Read More

Let's all try to refrain from punching one another and enjoy the awesomeness of this week's Roundup. In case you weren't aware, your tips are as appreciated as Carlos Silva's Twinkie-filling IV. Seriously, though. As nice as it was to unload Milton Bradley, this disgusting, terrible fuck is rapidly working his way up the list of least-likable ... Read More

HT to Ned Ryerson for pointing this out to me. Because- you know. I don't actually watch baseball. Apparently everyone's most-hated Cub, Carlos Silva, had a little scuffle with most intelligent fans' most-loved Cub, Aramis Ramirez. Because everyone is mad. About four games. Of Spring Training. Mike Quade claims it's no big deal and that ... Read More

I wish I could some day write a headline as comical as this one. Carlos Silva is about as big a "lock" to start as I am a "lock" to land a Pantene commercial deal. You guys were great on the tips this week, so I'm going to focus on those more than my own. BECAUSE I ... Read More

It's time to shake off this winter and get ready for baseball. The Bears are done. The Hawks suck now. The Bulls are awesome, but you guys aren't paying enough attention to them. And arbitrary dates that give nerdrections to some are almost upon us. Pitchers and catchers report on MONDAY! What does that ... Read More

Thank you to everyone who let me know that CRIMINALLY MISUNDERSTOOD Milton Bradley was arrested for criminally misspeaking to a woman. It was probably that racist bitch of a kindergarten teacher his son had in Chicago. Here is California Penal Code Section 422 concerning "criminal threats": 422. Any person who willfully threatens to commit a crime which will result in death ... Read More