Hire Jim Essian

Tonight, the Cubs are holding their inaugural Social Media Night beginning at 5:45 tonight at the Captain Morgan Club at Wrigley Field. Because it's called a SOCIAL Media Night, our good friends PAUL SULLIVAN and BRUCE MILES were not invited to participate. So, they decided to host Anti-Social Media Night just outside of the Captain Morgan Club. There are few Cubs bloggers as anti-social as I am, so I will be joining them to tweet bitter things about the Cubs' "cool" clique of Carrie Muskat and...Kevin Saghy.

After a weirdly busy week, I'm refreshed, enthusiastic, and ready to tackle these last few Spring Training games. In case you haven't noticed. And, judging by ticket sales, you haven't. The season starts in 11 days. God help me, I'm getting excited about it. Perhaps because I'm sober for the first time since Thursday. ... Read More

This is apparently the time of year when most of your favorite Cubs blogs have abandoned talking about baseball for talking about football, and I can hardly blame them. But HJE is going to keep covering baseball, dammit. Look, after this week's sweep of the Pirates, we're only- Let's see- STILL ELEVEN AND A HALF GAMES ... Read More

So, I was driving along I-55 the other day (wait for cheering to die down) when I noticed this SUV in front of me that had, so help me God, the vanity license plate "POO MAN." This was the best picture I could get without slamming into the median or, worse, into the POO MAN. But that plate ... Read More

I hope you idiots didn't forget that today is National Doughnut Day, so make sure you thank those great men and women who fought in the Doughnut Wars. I was a bit hungover under the weather earlier, so I apologize for the late Roundup. I sure hope you didn't get any work done this morning, or anything. Geovany Soto ... Read More

So, wait, you Catholics are forced to eat meat now, right? Or you have do drink blood, or something? Well, whatever you have to do, have fun doing it. Mike D. sent me this picture of our cars getting dropped off at Wrigley. I'm not sure why they needed a truck. They should have just ... Read More

Well, I guess the big news around here is that someone else is going to be signing my paychecks really soon. And that someone is J. Joe Ricketts. The team is supposedly going to be sold for $900M. That's $9M for each year this team hasn't won a World Series, if you're into doing "math." Rest ... Read More

Not a lot of time for a Roundup this week, what with us avoiding hurricanes and gun-toting Texans. Thanks to someone whose real name I'm not sure I can use, but who I think is Poon for the picture. Anyhow, here's your Roundup: Ted Lilly is a killing machine. If Fukudome is planning on improving, now would be a good ... Read More