Hire Jim Essian

For much of the mid-2000s, the Milwaukee Brewers' rotation consisted of Ben Sheets and four indistinguishable jackasses who couldn't throw fastballs hard enough to break water and had an aggressive affinity at alliteration. I'm not one for ridiculous conspiracies, but there is absolutely no reason to believe that Dave Bush, Doug Davis, Gary Glover, and Chris Capuano are not ... Read More

I was a little worried about Carrie after last week's Muskbox. After all her talk about Milton Bradley, I assumed he had come to life and captured her, especially when we didn't see her at Kitty O'Shea's Friday night. But, sure enough, the Muskbox is too dumb to even realize it is mortal. Who will be the Cubs leadoff ... Read More

First off, Kermit wanted me to let you know that he has the three most important Cubs songs that you need to know before the postseason starts posted in the sidebar now. I don't even know what a sidebar is. Commie. You guys like how we gave the Brewers a scintilla of hope for a few innings ... Read More

With Dusty Baker in town with his old familiar dumbassery and excuse-making in tow, it's easy to think he is the stupidest manager in the National League Central, and he very well may be. But Ned Yost is sure making it interesting, isn't he? Yost's handling of CC Sabathia in Sabathia's nine starts since he came over to ... Read More

Okay, what the hell was that? Other than the first game of the four-game set with the Brewers, that series was easier than convincing Stevie Eyre to take just one more bite. Remember how the Brewers fans and even most of the writers in Chicago were saying we'd be "lucky" to get out of Milwaukee with our one-game ... Read More

LOU PINIELLA enters a room where a party is taking place. The party-goers look rich and snobby. Lou appears as though he has just been thrown out of a bar, which he has. Lou has crashed the party for one purpose and one purpose only. To win back the love of his life, who is currently ... Read More