Despite Diving for Baseballs, Lee Is Still Somehow Traded
Despite Lou Piniella’s alleged mandate that all Cub infielders be wrapped in bubble wrap, surrounded in safety foam, and forbidden from diving for baseballs, Derrek Lee somehow managed to play his hardest, GET INJURED, and be traded to the Braves yesterday along with cash for three more young pitchers. Because the Cubs have a lot [...]
You Get What You Pay For, Assuming You Pay a Lot to Get Punched in the Nuts
I had a long night on Tuesday night. Long enough to cause me to doze off during the Cubs-Braves game last night. It was a mercy doze. I was awake for long enough to hear Len Kasper say, “You want to be careful here,” to John Grabow. Through half-closed eyes, I saw Chipper Jones hit [...]
Terrifyingly Calm Zambrano Roughed up in Final Spring Training Tuneup
This is going to be the year that Carlos Zambrano kills someone. The Year One (or whatever the hell people are calling it) version of Zambrano is a seething cauldron of rage. This is like a horror movie. When Zambrano was smashing Gatorade jugs, punching catchers, and ejecting umpires, at least you knew where he [...]
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #53: Jason Schmidt “Hits the Fan”
It’s been a while since Jason Schmidt was considered an elite MLB pitcher. It’s also been a while since the last time Schmidt pitched against the Chicago Cubs. Coincidence? Yes. But that doesn’t make Jason Schmidt any less deserving of being named the 53rd biggest Cub Killer of my time.
Some Final Thoughts Before We Never Speak of Milton Bradley Again
The further removed we get from the Milton Bradley suspension, the angrier I get at both sides. Milton Bradley is a raging asshole who brought all of his made-up woe upon himself. But Jim Hendry’s reaction to Bradley’s latest antics is infuriating as well. But if Tom Ricketts knows what he’s doing, the Bradley suspension [...]
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #58: “Charles” Bronson “Has Chunks of Guys Like” Arroyo “In His Stool”
If there’s one thing I hate more than people who are famous just for being famous, it’s already-famous people who try to be doubly famous for things at which they absolutely suck. Like Michael Jordan playing baseball. Or Shaquille O’Neal rapping. Or Russell Crowe acting. Number 58 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My [...]
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #59: “Cryin’” Ryan Klesko
I’m going to be honest here. Ryan Klesko didn’t particularly kill the Cubs any more than he did any other team. He didn’t rise to the occasion against Cub pitching. He didn’t perform well in Wrigley Field. In fact, Klesko was actually worse against the Cubs than his career averages suggest he should have been. [...]
The Muskbox is Still Explaining How It Got Its Name
How long has the Muskbag been back in Muskbox form? A couple of months? Why is this still at the top of every single one? The mailbag is back, but it’s now the Inbox… Are there people out there so hopelessly confused that they can’t find this column? Some Dipshit’s Thoughts: I think I’ll head [...]
Muskbaggery
This week’s Muskbag is chock full of personal questions, propositions, and SAM FULD. Hurray!
The Muskbag Features a Question About ERA! No, It’s Not What You Think.
Well, I’m back from my New York/Boston trip, and I’m planning on posting about them when I get around to it. I got back just in time to sink my teeth into this week’s Muskbag. It tastes like what I imagine Daryle Ward’s locker smells like.
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