Hire Jim Essian

You're so stupid, Cubs fans. At the end of last week, Mark DeRosa, a man who played fewer than 300 games in a Cub uniform, got a very warm reception in yet another of his returns to Wrigley Field. He was a nice player. He hit .289/.373/.451 with 31 home runs and 159 RBIs. He's an anti-Cub like Reed Johnson. He hit better in Chicago than he did in any other city. He wasn't involved in a single Cub playoff win. In fact, some might say that he was squarely in the midst of a pretty annoying playoff loss.

I suspect that there will be a significant number of Cubs fans as pissed about Aramis Ramirez signing with the Brewers as some Cardinals fans were about Albert Pujols signing with the Angels. I suspect that because I'm not a dumbass, and I know there are stupid fans of every single professional team in sports. Unlike Mark DeRosa and Ryan Theriot, Aramis Ramirez deserves and should get a standing ovation the first time he returns to Wrigley Field in a Brewers jersey. Sadly, he'll probably be booed. Don't be those fans.

One of the best Cubs of the past decade is apparently now an ex-Cub. (HT: level5) If you were at a Friday afternoon game at Wrigley Field in the past five years, you had about a 50/50 chance of seeing Aramis Ramirez hit a walkoff home run (usually against the Milwaukee Brewers). In his eight and a half seasons in Chicago, Aramis made himself a good defensive third baseman, and he was the most (and sometimes ONLY) professional hitter on the team for a long stretch of time.

One of my favorite parts of the Muskbox is the teaser question that introduces the article. They are rarely actual sentences, and they can almost always be answered with one word. That word is usually “nope.” This week’s teaser is no exception. “Loyalty a factor in manager search?” “Nope.” To elaborate on that, the Cubs no longer have an idiot running the baseball operations. This week’s Muskbox tackles that controversial question and more! Let the dumbening begin!

The Muskbox rarely promises things to us commoners. All we're guaranteed is the occasional laugh, the frequent facepalm, and the knowledge of new places across the globe like...Terre Haute? But this week's Muskbox brings the promise of more frequent Muskboxes! It's the gift that keeps on giving, even when you desperately wish it would stop so you ... Read More

I haven't had the opportunity to watch Catching Hell, the horrible documentary on Steve Bartman. I feel obligated to do so, despite the fact that I've seen the infamous play more times than I've seen The Big Lebowski. Which is to say, a lot of times. Bartman has been through a lot, which is why it was ... Read More

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

There is a very real and sad possibility that last week's Muskbox may be the last one of the season. Meaning they will certainly address those last remaining questions you have about the Cubs. All of the important stuff, like HOW DID THE CUBS FARE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION IN 2000??? The Muskbox is nothing if ... Read More

Another week brings the dawn of another Muskbox. All things are relevant to the Muskbox, even those things that go unanswered. Which is most things. But you have to keep TRYING, you know? Most of what I have been reading says the Cubs will not pick up Aramis Ramirez's club option and instead pay him the $2 million ... Read More

When I saw there was a new Muskbox, I naturally assumed it would be filled with questions about the future of Carlos Zambrano. If there's one thing the Muskbox can do, however, it's surprise you. There's not a single damn thing in this week's Muskbox about Zambrano. What a helpful feature! Have you heard anything to suggest the ... Read More