Hire Jim Essian

I apologize for the tardiness of the Muskbox. I was under the weather yesterday and reading this week's Muskbox could have only made matters worse. Why? Well, because it spends a significant amount of time fretting about the hurt feelings of Ryan Theriot. And that's- That's- Excuse me. /runs to bathroom With Ryan Theriot having gone ... Read More

This week's Muskbox has done something so amazingly meta, that it's hard to believe it's not on purpose. It's a Muskbox about a blog. Now, are you ready for this? Here's where it gets even funkier. You're about to read another blog mock the Muskbox about being about a blog. Take a few deep breaths ... Read More

Our latest installment of the Muskbox commits a fallacy of the undistributed middle, frets over the career of Micah Hoffpauir, and throws a wild kegger in Vinton, Iowa! Join me, won't you, on our weekly excursion into the minds of the mentally-impaired? Why don't the Cubs just go ahead and let Castro open the season at shortstop and move Ryan ... Read More

I apologize for interrupting your regularly-scheduled Friday HJE, but this is just too stupid to ignore. Last night, Derrek Lee was on second base when Jeff Baker hit a two-strike, two-out home run off of closer Brian Wilson to give the Cubs a 3-2 lead over the Giants. During the dugout celebration, Angel Guzman slapped Lee on the ... Read More

Okay, it's reality-check time. Even if the Cardinals go one game under .500 for the rest of the way, they'll finish 88-74. For the Cubs to reach 88 wins, they'll have to go 28-17, a .622 winning percentage. Unlikely, since they're playing .513 baseball this year and are in danger of getting swept by a terrible 51-70 ... Read More

Well, that was awful nice of Lou Piniella to apologize to Shane Victorino. Poor Shane was the victim of a drunken idiot in the bleachers who decided to douse him with a nearly full cup of beer. Incidentally, I apologize to Section 242 and flannj. So help me God, I thought Victorino dropped the ball and the ... Read More

Except for the fact that no one on the team got their foot caught in a bear trap, last night's game was pretty close to the perfect summary of the 2009 season so far, wasn't it? Not only was Rich Harden was perfect until the sixth inning, but he had looked brilliant in striking out six Phillies in his ... Read More

Well, last night's game sucked. As did Sunday's. As did Friday's. There have been a lot of games this season which have been painful, boring, or flat-out terrible to watch. Last night, I had my fill of Cubs baseball by about the fifth inning. I noticed that Star Wars was on Spike TV, so I ... Read More

I'm going to go ahead and give Carrie some credit. She may pick ludicrous questions to answer. She may pick decent questions and completely fail to answer them. And she might get her facts wrong sometimes. But at least she doesn't make stuff up, which makes her a better journalist than Burnt Sienna and Playgirl. ... Read More

Carrie, you clever little vixen. You took a long break from the Muskbox, only to have it spring up on a Thursday. I bet you thought I'd be too busy posting the Roundup, Skip's Comment of the Week, and the Friday Night Fukudome to fisk it. The Muskbox will never escape my watchful gaze. Don't you think Wells ... Read More