Hire Jim Essian

Happy Halloween, guys and GHOULS. Ha ha ha ha! No, seriously, enjoying National Slut Day, the greatest of all holidays. I'm going as a dolphin, like I do every year. Your Browsing tips are as appreciated as everyone who DOESN'T dress up like Snooki this year. Enjoy this spooktacular version of the Browsing (now with ... Read More

In the 90's, many of you probably spent hours staring at a white Bronco leading the lowest-speed chase in California history. In the 00's, the captivating chase was even slower. You probably spent some time yesterday watching an empty helium balloon floating through the Colorado sky. A balloon. You're a grown person. Even toddlers lose ... Read More

Holy God in Heaven, baseball is back. It seems like ages ago that we were getting swept out of the playoffs and wasting a 97-win season. Remember that? Remember when we were getting swept out of the playoffs? Anyhow, happy belated 200th birthday to two of my favorite bearded men, Abraham Lincoln and Charles Darwin. ... Read More

Rumor has it (and thanks to Oleg for the tip) that the Cubs are about to sign former Devil Ray and former Kansas City Royal outfielder Joey Gathright. He's fast, and he can catch the ball, so the signing would make sense for, say, the Bears. But he can't hit. Like, at all. Unless you count ... Read More

The only time I read Bleed Cubbie Blue is when someone on Desipio links it. For someone on Desipio to link it, the writing must be worse than normal. So when I saw a link to the hilariously stupid "Building A Cubs Champion: Introducing Your 2009 Chicago Cubs" I had to click it. I now fully understand ... Read More

Just when you thought the Yankees' elimination from the 2008 postseason would be the end of Yankees talk for the year, some idiot writes this idiocy. It's time to face reality. Win. Lose. Tear their stadium down brick by dingy brick. There is no escaping the Yankees. I, for one, welcome our Yankee overlords ... Read More