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You are here : Hire Jim Essian » Tag for Aaron Heilman

When is it Safe to Change the Channel?

Posted On 11 Aug 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Cubs.
When is it Safe to Change the Channel? Well, last night's game sucked. As did Sunday's. As did Friday's. There have been a lot of games this season which have been painful, boring, or flat-out terrible to watch. Last night, I had my fill of Cubs baseball by about the fifth inning. I noticed that Star Wars was on Spike TV, so I ... Read More

Is David Kaplan Changing Color to Hide How Dumb He Is?

Posted On 27 May 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Blogs You Shouldn't Read, Broadcasters & Journalists, Cubs.
Is David Kaplan Changing Color to Hide How Dumb He Is? In case you haven't noticed, David Kaplan has gradually been changing color from pasty white to Oompa Loompa. I can only imagine the change is for one of the following reasons: The Caucasian race has officially kicked him out. He's so dumb, his skin doesn't even realize he's white. He's going on a hunting trip with the Monsters in the Morning this ... Read More

The Muskbox is Still Explaining How It Got Its Name

Posted On 24 Mar 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Broadcasters & Journalists, Cubs, Muskbox, Spring Training.
The Muskbox is Still Explaining How It Got Its Name How long has the Muskbag been back in Muskbox form? A couple of months? Why is this still at the top of every single one? The mailbag is back, but it's now the Inbox... Are there people out there so hopelessly confused that they can't find this column? Some Dipshit's Thoughts: I think I'll head to my favorite site, Cubs.com, to see ... Read More

The Muskbox is Shorter than Ryan Theriot

Posted On 17 Mar 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Broadcasters & Journalists, Cubs, Muskbox, Spring Training.
The Muskbox is Shorter than Ryan Theriot For some reason, the Muskbox is mercifully short this week. Maybe Care Bear had something better to do. Like train her flying monkeys to attack that bitch from Kansas. Away we go. I haven't been able to follow the Cubs' spring as much as I'd like to, being on the East Coast, but what are Koyie Hill's chances ... Read More

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Cinderella Story” Edition

Posted On 13 Mar 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Cubs, Lou's Friday Roundup, Spring Training.
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Cinderella Story” Edition Before I forget, Kermit wanted me to let you all know that we've already filled two divisions of Neifiball, and are looking for eight more players to fill a third. If we fill a third, we'll add a fourth. If you're interested in playing, e-mail Kermit HERE and write "NEIFIBALL" in the header. Second, how about the ... Read More

Hey, Cubs! What are YOU Giving up for Lent?

Posted On 25 Feb 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Cubs, Spring Training.
Hey, Cubs!  What are YOU Giving up for Lent? Happy Ash Wednesday, you silly Catholics. I'm sure half of you have already broken your Lenten resolutions, so let's hope the Cubs fare better with theirs. As always, HJE used its insider access to ask the Cubs (and some former Cubs), "What are YOU giving up for Lent?" LOU PINIELLA: "Losing playoff games." RYAN DEMPSTER: "Fake vomit." TED LILLY: ... Read More

Cubs Get Heilman

Posted On 28 Jan 2009 By Bad Kermit. Under: Cubs, Transactions.
Cubs Get Heilman The Cubs have apparently shipped Ronny Cedeno and Garrett Olson to the Seattle Mariners for former Mets reliever/swing man Aaron Heilman. I'm going to shamelessly name-drop here. I was Heilman's R.A. when he was down at Notre Dame, and he's one of the nicest, most level-headed people I've ever SMOKED in darts. I'm glad, for his sake, ... Read More
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