A long time ago, I thought I had the clever idea to try to assemble the worst fantasy baseball team possible. It was significantly more difficult than assembling a good team, because you had to balance terrible performance with many at-bats or innings pitched. It was called “Neifiball” because Dusty Baker is a fucking idiot. As I later learned, Razzball had already established better rules for Neifiball, and they have graciously invited HJE readers to join in the last couple of years. They’re doing it again this year. So, go sign up here.
Several days and 36 innings later, I’m back from Spring Training. What did I learn about the Cubs? They’re bad. In all the games I attended, they held a lead for about one inning. Neat. Even when their starting pitchers were recording outs, they were hard-hit. But, hey, I saw at least one Cub home run every game. And two by Paul Konerko! Soon, folks, we’ll have some real baseball to obsess over.
In a little over 24 hours I’ll be off to the land of awkward stretching, wind sprints, long toss, and pitch counts. EXCITEMENT. I’m going to try to report in as much as possible while I’m away, whether on Twitter or here. And we will, apparently, try to do a remote podcast/hangout from sunny Mesa. Don’t touch that dial!
For absolutely no reason whatsoever, we decided to put our podcast team into a Google+ Hangout and record it. Now, we’re posting it. We have faces for radio. The growing pains are painful. We talk about Al Yellon, Spring Training, and Luis Valbuena. With those topics HOW BAD CAN A PODCAST POSSIBLY GET? Stick around and find out! At least we kept it under an hour. But we’ll get the hang of this podcasting thing at some point. Maybe someday we’ll even have structure, segments, and things to say!
Carrie must be busily soaking up the Arizona sun. She only had time for one question in this week’s Muskbox. I have two words of advice for Carrie. Wear high-SPF sunscreen, and don’t ever go to Japan. There’s only one topic tonight, and it’s Kyuji Fujikawa. Actually, it’s Chris Bosio’s inability to speak Japanese. At least it’s not about which kimono would best fit Bosio’s corpulent form.
How dumb am I? I’m actually going to Spring Training this year. Cubs Spring Training. I used money to purchase a plane ticket and a hotel room. I can’t wait to see the bizarre number of jorts and eventual sunburns flown in from this great city of ours. I will be out there from this coming Sunday through next Thursday. This is my first trip out to Spring Training, so if anyone who’s been there has any advice about what to do and things to see, I’d love to hear them. In the meantime, I’m inventing my own Cubs Spring Training Drinking Game. So long, liver!
I’m getting old, so I can’t remember if I announced it here or on Twitter, but if you hadn’t heard yet, Jim Essian was hired away from the Cubs. You snooze, you lose, Epstein. He’ll be the manager of the Fort Worth Cats this upcoming season. (HT: MGRW) ROAD TRIP!
Not with an erection. OR WAS IT? The new podcast is up. It’s as out there as all the other episodes. We’re still talking about P90X because, fuck you, YOU didn’t do it. Unless you’re Pre, our only listener. We celebrate the trading of Tony Campana. We spend an unusually long time talking about the new Die Hard movie. I forget to mention the most annoying thing about Darksiders 2. The stupid game doesn’t let you navigate the menus with the directional pad. Trust me. It’s obnoxious. The controls. Not the podcast. That’s always obnoxious.
I hope if you’re in a relationship your significant other likes or dislikes Valentine’s Day at the exact same level you do. Because, see, it’s generally awful and a terrible relationship stresser. But it sells cards, so there’s that. If you’re reading this, you survived it. So, well done, champ.
Oh my god, you guys. Ned Ryerson bestowed upon me one of the greatest gifts that has ever been given by one man to another man. It’s a site called Thuzio. I don’t know what Thuzio means, but if I had a guess, it’s Latin for “washed-up athletes desperate for money”.