I made up some ludicrous statistics during yesterday’s LiveBlog of the Cubs’ 3-1 Opening Day victory. One ludicrous statistic that I did not make up is this one. In 2012, the Cubs were not only never in first place, but they were never over .500. In 2011, the Cubs were never in first place, and were not over .500 after April 20, 2011. In 2010, the Cubs were never in first place.
I guess I might as well liveblog/livetweet Opening Day for you saps still working for the man. I do your dirty work so you can do other people’s dirty work. First pitch is in about 10 minutes. If the games were played on the PS3, that means we would be underway around 5:00 tonight. Follow the liveblog here or @hirejimessian.
Despite it being the Rangers and the Astros, it was exciting to see the return of meaningful baseball last night. That is, until Ryan fucking Dempster showed up. There was a “could-have-been-cute” MLB commercial depicting several players “acting” out Abbott and Costello’s classic comedy routine, “Who’s on First?” Naturally, (HA!) […]
My mom is awesome. As I was advising her on which baseball video game to buy my nephew, she said, “Maybe I should just give the game to you.” I agreed, because he’s, like, nine, and he’s going to live to see the day when he plays video game baseball in some sort of dome contraption that makes it feel like he’s actually playing on Wrigley Field. So, screw him. More importantly, this means I can review MLB ’13 The Show for your reading enjoyment.
I’m nearly a week late in posting the newest Hangout. And I read off my anti-fantasy baseball roster. Because that is good watching. Deal with it. We actually talk mainly about baseball this week, though most of it is fantasy baseball. There’s also some weirdness with a Pete Rose commercial. […]
This is a reminder for those lucky nine of you who signed up for Razzball/Neifiball/Antisy Baseball. The draft is at 8:00 p.m. CST tonight. If you can’t make the draft, be sure to pre-rank your players. It’s WAY more important to pre-rank in Neifiball than it is in any other fantasy draft. You don’t want to be the dope who doesn’t pre-draft and ends up with a team of scrubs like Verlander, Trout, and Stanton, DO YOU???
Why is the Roundup so late? Because of a horrible, horrible thing that has come to pass. It’s with a sadness in my heart that I report that Google is discontinuing Google Reader. Since HJE has existed, Reader has been the way I do the Roundup. For years, it was the easiest way to pull articles from all the terrible websites I read. Including this one. It was a quick (or exhausting) break from work. Now, I find myself forced to move over to Feedly. Which is…ehhhh. I’m sure Reader will pop up on Google+ anyhow. Which, by the way, is such a refreshingly clean social network. Probably because none of my friends ever post anything on it. Oh, well.
Twitter is a funny beast. It’s interesting being able to read the innermost thoughts about what reality stars are having for breakfast. Or what actors think about politics. Or to see how some people who are hilarious on stage or screen are terribly unfunny at 140 characters at a time. Last week, I learned that former Curacaoan Cub Randall Simon was on Twitter.
A long time ago, I thought I had the clever idea to try to assemble the worst fantasy baseball team possible. It was significantly more difficult than assembling a good team, because you had to balance terrible performance with many at-bats or innings pitched. It was called “Neifiball” because Dusty Baker is a fucking idiot. As I later learned, Razzball had already established better rules for Neifiball, and they have graciously invited HJE readers to join in the last couple of years. They’re doing it again this year. So, go sign up here.
Several days and 36 innings later, I’m back from Spring Training. What did I learn about the Cubs? They’re bad. In all the games I attended, they held a lead for about one inning. Neat. Even when their starting pitchers were recording outs, they were hard-hit. But, hey, I saw at least one Cub home run every game. And two by Paul Konerko! Soon, folks, we’ll have some real baseball to obsess over.