#125: Adam “Moonlight” Greenberg 4

Ah, the magical summer of 2005. Corey Patterson and Jason Dubois were sucking the life out of the Cubs outfield. The Cubs were sucking the life out of Cubs fans everywhere. I was sucking back a beer, when I heard the news that the Cubs had sent Patterson and Dubois […]

Dawson, Sandberg, Bauer Discuss 2007 Cubs 2

DES MOINES, Iowa–Former Cubs Andre Dawson and Ryne Sandberg were at the Iowa Cubs’ Fan Fest 2007 this Saturday, and both had some interesting things to say about the Cubs’ offseason acquisitions, as Wrigleyville 23 pointed out. According to Dawson: They made some good acquisitions considering what was out there […]

#126: Sandy “I Caught Wood’s 20-K Game” Martinez 5

Sandy Martinez What’s that? You don’t really remember Sandy Martinez? That’s because Martinez was a bad, journeyman catcher whose only claim to fame in an otherwise pointless career is catching Kerry Wood’s twenty-strikeout game. He spent two mediocre seasons with the Cubs in 1998 and 1999 poorly backing up Scott […]

The Bottom 126: The Rules 5

As I mentioned Friday, Fire Lou Piniella! planned to compile a list of the bottom 100 Cubs of all time. I got to 126 Cubs in under an hour without going outside of my lifespan. So, I have amended the list to include the worst 126 Cubs in my lifetime. […]

Sosa Too Fat for Japanese Ball; Grace Puts Sosa on Speed Dial

YOKOHAMA, Jap.–Former Cubs slugger and superstar Sammy Sosa has finally bottomed out. Certainly, it was evident that his stock had significantly dropped when the Cubs dumped him on the Baltimore Orioles for Jerry Hairston, Jr. And certainly it didn’t help that none of the thirty Major League teams offered him […]

Q: What Was That You Just Felt? A: Jerome Williams Landing in Washington

WASHINGTON–The Washington Nationals, needing pitching as desperately as Lou Piniella needs sensitivity lessons, have signed former Cub Jerome Williams to a one-year, $500,000 contract. Don’t be sad you’re gone, Jerome. We’re all racist here in Chicago, anyhow. In case Cubs fans have forgotten how terrible Williams was last season, here […]

Barroid Fails Amphetamine Test; Drugs Traced Back to Chicago’s South Side

NEW YORK–According to CBS Sportsline, Barry Bonds failed a test for amphetamines last season. Fans of Bonds need not fret, however. It was everyone’s fault but Bond’s. In typical Bonds fashion, he threw teammate Mark Sweeney under the bus, saying that he had taking the amphetamines from Sweeney’s locker. Fire […]