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CHICAGO--Cubs G.M. Jim Hendry is desperately trying to undo the good he has done by signing Aramis Ramirez and Alfonso Soriano this offseason. Reportedly, Hendry has signed Jason Marquis to a three-year deal between $20M and $28M. Edmonds is going to need a visa to catch that one. The Cubs are going up against the longstanding tradition of never signing a ... Read More

ORLANDO--The Chicago Cubs signed former Washington National and Atlanta Brave Daryle Ward to a one-year contract on Thursday. Sources close to the Cubs said that, immediately after the signing and upon getting his first look at Ward, Cubs G.M. Jim Hendry was disappointed to learn that Ward was not actually a Data Analyzing Robot Youth Lifeform. "I thought he was ... Read More

CHICAGO--The Josh Hamilton era came to an abrupt end Thursday, when the Cubs sent the minor leaguer to the Cincinnati Reds for cash considerations. Hamilton had been selected by the Cubs from the Tampa Bay Devil Rays in the Rule V draft which took place earlier in the day. Immediately after Cubs G.M. Jim Hendry finished signing Hamilton's contract, fitting ... Read More

CHICAGO--On Thursday, the Cubs were surprised to find former Baltimore Oriole Kevin Hart standing outside of Wrigley Field, waiting to be assigned a locker and a jersey number. "It was awkward," said team president John McDonough, who found Hart looking forlornly at the gates of Wrigley Field with his possessions wrapped in a handkerchief and tied to a stick over his ... Read More

ORLANDO--Jim Hendry, moments after undergoing an angioplasty after suffering flu-like symptoms at baseball's annual winter meetings, inked himself to a four-year, $62M contract from his own hospital bed. Hendry projects to be the number three starter in the Cubs' 2007 rotation, moving up to number two as soon as new Cub Ted Lilly goes down with a season-ending injury ... Read More

CHICAGO--On Wednesday, the Chicago Cubs signed free agent left hander Ted Lilly to a four-year, $40M contract.� Today, "FLP!" learned that Cubs manager Lou Piniella has spent the last two days preparing jokes about Lilly to, "...get under his skin, and show him who's the f@#$ing boss around here," according to Piniella. "I have some great ones written already," Piniella said, ... Read More

ORLANDO--Cubs are flying everywhere, and I don't currently have time to write sarcastic stories about all of them. I promise I will soon. To catch you up: Ted Lilly is a Cub at 4 years, $40M. The Cubs actually outbid the Yankees for a free agent for the first time in MLB history. Daryl Ward is a Cub at ... Read More

CHICAGO--The Chicago Cubs named Hall of Fame second baseman Ryne Sandberg the new manager of the Cubs' Class A Peoria Chiefs. Upon hearing the news, Sandberg's ex-wife Cindy White traveled to Peoria and rented an upscale condominium with a rotating bed and mirrors on the ceilings. Sandberg at his Hall of Fame induction. Sandberg takes over for former Cub catcher Jody ... Read More

CINCINNATI--The Cincinnati Reds are suspicious that Gary Majewski, a reliever whom they received from the Washington Nationals last season in a trade for Austin Kearns and Felipe Lopez, was injured when he was sent to the Reds. In response, the Reds plan to file a grievance with Major League Baseball about the trade. Jim Hendry, having caught wind of the ... Read More

ORLANDO--It is only the first day of the annual winter meetings of the Major League Baseball general managers, and things are already heating up like the hot plate Cubs G.M. Jim Hendry keeps at the foot of his bed. No, not that one. That's a George Foreman. No, behind the mini fridge. To the left of ... Read More