Loyal readers, I’m out of town skiing until Sunday, so Fire Lou Piniella! is taking an (un)deserved break. I will try to post Sunday, but I will at the latest be back on Monday as The Bottom 126 countdown continues. Have a great weekend.
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CHICAGO–The Cubs announced Thursday that they have released veteran left-hander Glendon Rusch, who missed the latter part of the 2006 season after suffering a blood clot in his lung.
Cubs general manager Jim Hendry stated that Rusch had peaked with his 1977 album A Farewell to Kings, and that he had “really gone down hill” since that point.
Because they’re here.
“Have you ever actually listened to ‘Tom Sawyer’?” Jim Hendry asked. “Every single thing about that song pisses me off. The lyrics are idiotic. ‘Today’s Tom Sawyer, he gets high on you, and the space he invades he gets by on you.’ What the f@#$ does that even mean? And, no, Rusch, I don’t want to ‘catch the spit.’ That’s disgusting.”
Don’t even get Hendry started on “Fly by Night.” “Oh, you have got to be kidding me bringing that crap in here,” Hendry said. “What’s going on with that garbage? Is it supposed to be an airline commercial? This is why he’ll never get into the Hall of Fame. Hack. Oh, and RuschCon is a f@#$ing ripoff. Good riddance to him.”
I was sent this interesting analysis of the Cubs’s offseason improvements from Beyond the Box Score. It’s written objectively by a Brewers fan who predicts 86 wins for the 2007 Cubs.
Since I hate all things ESPN, I would have never found this story, so go over to Wrigleyville 23 and read about Piniella’s intriguing managerial storyline.
CHICAGO–The Chicago Cubs finally got around to signing veteran free agent Cliff Floyd to a one-year contract with a mutual option for 2008. Immediately after signing Floyd, Cubs general manager Jim Hendry decided it was just about time to get that oil change that he’s been meaning to get since before Christmas.
“Well, you know, the old guy has been around the block quite a few times,” Hendry said, presumably about Floyd. “It was just about time to replace the oil inside of him with some new, clean oil. For lubrication.” Scratch that. He was talking about his car. “Because without lubrication, that’s why his joints have been breaking down lately,” Hendry continued. Hold up. He has to mean Floyd, right?
Looks like someone was a little overdue for a lube job.
“I normally get things done on time,” Hendry continued. “I’m usually right in there at three months or three thousand miles, whichever comes first.” Car. “So when I traveled over three months and three thousand miles before getting the deal done, it was a first for me.” Wait. Maybe he means both.
Whatever the case, Floyd is now a heck of a left-handed bat coming off the bench, and he will be used to spell Jacque Jones and Matt Murton in the outfield. After Cubs manager Lou Piniella indicated at the Cubs Convention that Murton will get the lion’s share of the starts in left, Floyd looks to be a good signing. Also, Jim Hendry’s Oldsmobile is not due for an oil change until March 24, 2007, or 106,571 miles, whichever comes first.
CHICAGO–It’s a good thing everyone in Chicago was watching the Bears dismantle the New Orleans Saints on Sunday, because if anyone had stuck around to listen to the “Meet Cubs Business Management” Seminar at the Cubs Convention, they would have heard the following:
The seminar sounded like a great way to wrap up the Cubs Convention, especially after the Cubs had to cancel the originally planned three-hour-long, “Conversation with Ronnie Woo-Woo.” Did anyone go to this seminar?
CHICAGO–The Cubs are allegedly close to signing a one-year deal with free agent and Chicago native Cliff Floyd. In response to the article, Fire Lou Piniella! entered its wayback machine to December of 2006.
Chicago was wondering whether the Bears’ asses would be crowned, Jack Bauer was still being tortured in China, Saddam Hussein was still alive, and the weekly “Cubs Near Deal with Floyd” story was being run for the first time. Yes, times were simpler then.
Sources close to Jim Hendry say this deal will be wrapped up by mid-August. Of 2009.