Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: Groundhog Day, 2007 2

Happy Groundhog Day, cocksuckers.  The groundhog said there’s gonna be an early spring, meaning Spring Training will be here early and you’ll get Lou all over your face even sooner this year.  You like that?  You better. You think you’re soooooo clever with this little site, huh? Well, you wouldn’t […]

#111: Rick “Rub Me the Right Way” Aguilera 1

Unless you count Chad Fox (and really, why would you?) you might be wondering how the Bottom 126 hasn’t included a closer to this point. You would be right to wonder, because the Cubs have had more than their share of closers who handed out runs like Pez dispensers–through their […]

#112: “Hanging” Chad Meyers 5

God damn you, Chad Meyers. You were so abysmal at baseball, there are no good pictures of you on the internet. I doubt you’re this Chad Meyers: And you don’t spell your name the same way as this terrifying Chad Myers: So, I’ll just put up a picture of Michael […]

#113: Gary “No-Show” Varsho 5

What was the point of Gary Varsho? Other than the fact that he’s one of those guys whose name can only be said as a first and last name combination, little good can be said about Gary Varsho. Thanks to the lunatic collecting vintage pictures of crappy Cubs for providing […]

#114: Jason “Not a Green” Bere 11

Maybe I couldn’t stand Jason Bere because he had no shoulders. Maybe it was because he had never shaved the goatee he was required to have during his stint with the White Sox. Or I guess it could have been his 1-10 record in 2002 with the Cubs. You may […]

Baker Inks 2-Year ESPN Deal; Will Serve as Analysist, Therapist 8

BRISTOL, Conn.–Former Cubs manager Dusty Baker finalized a two-year contract with ESPN last week to serve as an analyst and therapist for traumatized athletes who have been booed in their home stadiums. Baker will be ESPN’s first analysist/therapist. Baker’s new business card. Baker’s contract includes an out clause which allows […]

#115: Troy “Maybe It’s Because I’m Irish” O’Leary 5

Was Troy O’Leary seriously a Cub for only one year? Because I could have sworn that I threw at least three seasons’ worth of profanities at my television when O’Leary would come to the plate. When the Cubs signed a former Red Sox outfielder named Troy O’Leary in the winter […]

Fire Lou Piniella! Closed for Weekend

Loyal readers, I’m out of town skiing until Sunday, so Fire Lou Piniella! is taking an (un)deserved break. I will try to post Sunday, but I will at the latest be back on Monday as The Bottom 126 countdown continues. Have a great weekend.