#109: Damian “The Omen” Miller

Was anything during the 2003 season more painful than watching Damian Miller swing and miss? Well, okay, there was that thing. But Miller’s follow-through when he swung and missed was painful. I remember, because I got to see it so often. Just…unh…give me a quick…oh God…second. Miller had strung together a few decent seasons in […]

#110: Scott “Number One One Zero With A” Bullett

Scott Bullett. It’s not your fault. Your cool name forced you into the career path you chose. You couldn’t have been “Dr. Bullett” or “Scott Bullett, Esquire.” You could have either been a stripper or a professional athlete. I think you would have looked better in a banana hammock than a Cubs jersey. Wow. That […]

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: Groundhog Day, 2007

Happy Groundhog Day, cocksuckers.  The groundhog said there’s gonna be an early spring, meaning Spring Training will be here early and you’ll get Lou all over your face even sooner this year.  You like that?  You better. You think you’re soooooo clever with this little site, huh? Well, you wouldn’t be so clever if I […]

#111: Rick “Rub Me the Right Way” Aguilera

Unless you count Chad Fox (and really, why would you?) you might be wondering how the Bottom 126 hasn’t included a closer to this point. You would be right to wonder, because the Cubs have had more than their share of closers who handed out runs like Pez dispensers–through their necks. Okay, bad example. But […]

#112: “Hanging” Chad Meyers

God damn you, Chad Meyers. You were so abysmal at baseball, there are no good pictures of you on the internet. I doubt you’re this Chad Meyers: And you don’t spell your name the same way as this terrifying Chad Myers: So, I’ll just put up a picture of Michael Myers. But not a good […]

#113: Gary “No-Show” Varsho

What was the point of Gary Varsho? Other than the fact that he’s one of those guys whose name can only be said as a first and last name combination, little good can be said about Gary Varsho. Thanks to the lunatic collecting vintage pictures of crappy Cubs for providing this picture. And the one […]

#114: Jason “Not a Green” Bere

Maybe I couldn’t stand Jason Bere because he had no shoulders. Maybe it was because he had never shaved the goatee he was required to have during his stint with the White Sox. Or I guess it could have been his 1-10 record in 2002 with the Cubs. You may recognize him from the mound […]

Cedeno, Desperate to Avoid “Bottom 126,” Hits Stride in Winter; Cubs Surprised He Can Hit Anything

VENEZUELA–Cubs shortstop Ronnie Cedeno is hacking away in the Venezuelan Winter League, leading the league in several postseason hitting categories. Cubs general manager Jim Hendry is pleased with Cedeno’s play. Cedeno focuses intently on making contact with two teammates’ fists simultaneously. “Cedeno is really hitting his stride,” Hendry said. “It’s a good thing he started […]

Baker Inks 2-Year ESPN Deal; Will Serve as Analysist, Therapist

BRISTOL, Conn.–Former Cubs manager Dusty Baker finalized a two-year contract with ESPN last week to serve as an analyst and therapist for traumatized athletes who have been booed in their home stadiums. Baker will be ESPN’s first analysist/therapist. Baker’s new business card. Baker’s contract includes an out clause which allows teams interested in running young […]