A Banner Day 47

Folks, it’s time to pick an official banner for “HJE!” I have four potential designs put together (incredibly well) by a friend of mine. I have a personal favorite, but I’d like to get some input from you guys and gals. I would add a picture of Mr. Essian in […]

Banner 4

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: March 12, 2007 14

Whaddup, my bitches? It’s been a while. Too long, if you ask me. And if you’re not asking me, you’re getting the wrong answers. I hope you read Gordon Wittenmyer’s 6000 articles over the weekend. Not a goddamn one of them made any sense. This was me while giving the […]

Ha ha ha!  The Franchise is going to AAA!

Tom Goodwin

#73: Curtis/Tom “Not Every Win is a” Goodwin 14

It’s a Bottom 126 Monday two-fer! Hire Jim Essian! declares war on the Goodwin boys! Let’s do this alphabetically and chronologically, which just so happens is the same order. Curtis Goodwin They took 300 pictures, and this was the best shot they got. Curtis Goodwin was a Cub for 89 […]

#74: Joseph “Where. In the World. Is. Carmen San” Diego Gerut 14

Let me get this straight. Jason Dubois begat Jody Gerut who begat Matt Lawton who begat Justin Berg. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just take Jason Dubois out behind a dumpster and shoot him? Jody Gerut was a Cub for exactly eleven games and fourteen at-bats in that wistful […]

After Year Off, Piniella Baffled By Baseball Rules 2

MESA, Ariz.–Cubs manager Lou Piniella hasn’t managed a baseball team in over a year, and it shows. Piniella has been turning to his bench coach Alan Trammell when it comes to all things baseball. And he has been turning to him often. “It’s been exhausting,” Trammell said. “I mean, I […]

"I don't get it.  Why didn't anyone try to tag him?"

Hill, Theriot to Go North Until They Smell It, East Until They Step in It 9

MESA, Ariz.–On the surface, it would appear that new Cubs manager Lou Piniella is a more fond of young players than former manager Dusty Baker. Piniella said that both left-handed starter Rich Hill and infielder Ryan Theriot would go north after camp. Piniella showed less fondness for the city of […]

#75: Jim “No, Not Sandberg” Sundberg 7

Remember Bizarro Superman? He was a total inversion of the real Superman. He was vulnerable to blue Kryptonite instead of green Kryptonite, and he’d always say the opposite of what he meant. Like if he said, “I’ll save you,” he really mean, “I’ll kill you.” Yeah. That’s like what Jim […]

Jim Essian.  Legend.

The Chicago Cubs- No, the WORLD Needs Jim Essian 17

In the year 1991, the Cubs were in dire need of a new manager after firing Don “Popeye” Zimmer. They needed a man of courage. A man of conviction. A man who could bridge the gap between Joe Altobelli and Jim Lefebvre. One man rose to that challenge. That man […]