Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: March 12, 2007

Whaddup, my bitches? It’s been a while. Too long, if you ask me. And if you’re not asking me, you’re getting the wrong answers. I hope you read Gordon Wittenmyer’s 6000 articles over the weekend. Not a goddamn one of them made any sense. This was me while giving the news to Prior that he’s […]

Ha ha ha!  The Franchise is going to AAA!

Tom Goodwin

#73: Curtis/Tom “Not Every Win is a” Goodwin

It’s a Bottom 126 Monday two-fer! Hire Jim Essian! declares war on the Goodwin boys! Let’s do this alphabetically and chronologically, which just so happens is the same order. Curtis Goodwin They took 300 pictures, and this was the best shot they got. Curtis Goodwin was a Cub for 89 games during the 1999 season. […]

#74: Joseph “Where. In the World. Is. Carmen San” Diego Gerut

Let me get this straight. Jason Dubois begat Jody Gerut who begat Matt Lawton who begat Justin Berg. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just take Jason Dubois out behind a dumpster and shoot him? Jody Gerut was a Cub for exactly eleven games and fourteen at-bats in that wistful miserable 2005 season. That was […]

After Year Off, Piniella Baffled By Baseball Rules

MESA, Ariz.–Cubs manager Lou Piniella hasn’t managed a baseball team in over a year, and it shows. Piniella has been turning to his bench coach Alan Trammell when it comes to all things baseball. And he has been turning to him often. “It’s been exhausting,” Trammell said. “I mean, I know he’s been out of […]

"I don't get it.  Why didn't anyone try to tag him?"

Hill, Theriot to Go North Until They Smell It, East Until They Step in It

MESA, Ariz.–On the surface, it would appear that new Cubs manager Lou Piniella is a more fond of young players than former manager Dusty Baker. Piniella said that both left-handed starter Rich Hill and infielder Ryan Theriot would go north after camp. Piniella showed less fondness for the city of Chicago, however, as he gave […]

#75: Jim “No, Not Sandberg” Sundberg

Remember Bizarro Superman? He was a total inversion of the real Superman. He was vulnerable to blue Kryptonite instead of green Kryptonite, and he’d always say the opposite of what he meant. Like if he said, “I’ll save you,” he really mean, “I’ll kill you.” Yeah. That’s like what Jim Sundberg was to Ryne Sandberg. […]

Jim Essian.  Legend.

The Chicago Cubs- No, the WORLD Needs Jim Essian

In the year 1991, the Cubs were in dire need of a new manager after firing Don “Popeye” Zimmer. They needed a man of courage. A man of conviction. A man who could bridge the gap between Joe Altobelli and Jim Lefebvre. One man rose to that challenge. That man was Jim Essian. Jim Essian […]

Name That Blog!

Thanks to you fine folks, we’re starting to get a little bit of traffic at Fire Lou Piniella! What this means is that we should probably pursue our own domain name. Here is the problem. Both fireloupiniella.com and fireloupiniella.net are currently registered, and the owners of both sites don’t look to be giving them up […]

#76: Steve “A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the” Buechele

To be fair, Steve Buechele probably wasn’t as bad as you remember him. But to quote the great Walter Sobchak, “Fair? Fair? Who gives a shit about fair?” Find me 10 Cubs fans who watched the team in the early 90s, and I guarantee 9 of them will cringe when the hear the name “Steve […]