#66: Todd “Ain’t No” Hollandsworth “Back Girl” 8

Raise your hand if you were clamoring for Todd Hollandsworth to start in right field over Sammy Sosa in 2004. Shame on you, you silly bastard. Hollandsworth was what he was, a nice part-time player and solid pinch hitter. What he wasn’t was a starting outfielder. Yet the Cubs were, […]


#67: Tuffy Rhodes “Less Taken” 2

I find it pretty telling that 27% of Tuffy Rhodes’ home runs that he hit as a Cub came in one game. Rhodes was the first National League player to hit three homers on Opening Day. Of course, the Cubs lost. Oh, and they were all solo home runs. Rhodes […]


#69: “Shut Your F@#$ing Face,” Michael Tucker 5

You’re a boner-biting bastard, Michael Tucker! Anyone? South Park: The Movie? Bah. I’m not really sure why Michael Tucker pissed me off so much. I guess it could be the fact that he looked absolutely terrified to have a bat in his hands (I bet he got nailed by “two […]


Sweet Uncle Lou’s Spring Training Diary: March 15, 2007 9

‘Sup, jerks? Just thought I’d stop by and check in again and remind you that it’s still not funny that you moved over here and DIDN’T FUCKING TELL ME THE NEW ADDRESS. You’re just an ass, Kermit. Miles and I are on the same page. He likes Murton batting second. […]

Doo!  Doo!  Doo!  Looking at your front door!

Sarah Spain, Essian-Style

“Hello” From Skip, Sr. 1

Hey, troops! I heard the word that there was a new site started up by a bunch of Cubs fans who want me back. I can understand why. This Piniella character has some foul mouth. He probably could have used more hugging as a kid. That, or a good “switching” […]


#70: Damon “Found His Thrill on Blue” Berryhill 3

I imagine that it sort of sucks for Damon Berryhill that he had such a prominent unibrow that a child felt the need to draw it on his depiction of the Cubs catcher. I bet it sucks even more that Mr. Big Shot Creepy-Tooth Mark Grace decided to write all […]

Mark Grace, Rafael Palmeiro, and Damon Berryhill...if they were flesh-eating zombies.

Jim Essian (Jr.) on Board with “Hire Jim Essian!” 10

Well, the staff at “Hire Jim Essian!” couldn’t be more flattered than we are right now. It seems that a reader is in contact with Mr. Jim Essian himself or, at least, Mr. Jim Essian, Jr. Junior has written an article which is incredibly flattering to you, the Cubs Fan. […]