Archive for the “Lou's Friday Roundup” Category

Let’s face it. If you’re checking HJE tomorrow, it’s because God, country, and family have forsaken you. Let me just say something right off the bat. Thank you to all of you folks reading this who have served or are currently serving our country in the armed forces. God bless you, particularly HJE regulars Ned Ryerson, JD, Tinker to Evers to Chance, and RockTheIvy (PLEASE let me know if I’m forgetting one of you, as I don’t want to leave any of you out). You guys and gals are doing/have done a job that I can’t even fathom having the courage and patriotism to be able to do myself, and I thank you for it. Anyhow, it’s Roundup time:
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Well, well, well. Lookie who’s the first Cub to make the All-Star Team. Soriano? Bitch. Soto? Bitch. Fukudome? Bitch. Anyhow, it’s Roundup time.
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It’s nice to have the weekend off, free of any games. It’s particularly nice since half our team is injured. I might golf or something. Maybe nap. That Cooperstown trip took it out of me. CONTROVERSY! Anyhow, here’s your Roundup.
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Good day, fine gentlemen, from the fantabulous confines of the baseballmagorium! First, I would like to thank Poon for the picture that sits before you. The citizen did a terrificous job of capturing his screen during yesterday’s baseball match. It is your Sweet Uncle Lou speaking to you once again on this glorious day! I have gathered a magnabulous compendium of links for you on this Fri of the day. Read them quickly, or read them at your leisure, but however you read them, read them while smoking a Kool menthol cigarette. Kool. Good to the last puff.
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No, not the 9-game winning streak, you idiots. Cardinals Diaspora is the only Cardinals blog that’s–well–good. Hell, it might be the only Cardinals blog in existence, for all we know. Anyhow, Kerm and I keep an eye on it to keep track of the temperature of the Cardinals fans. And every once in a while, we get a good scoop off their site. Of course, when we do, we bring it to you. Apparently, if you have tickets to the Fourth of July Cubs-Cardinals showdown, you’d better bring a camcorder and some Vaseline, because it’s going to be PG-13 or worse out there, as there’s going to be nudity. Female nudity. Look, this may be a publicity stunt (as she’s now asking for “bail money”), and it’s possible it might not even happen. But you know you want it to. Anyhow, Roundup time:
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It’s late in the day, and you’ve probably already done most of your work avoiding internet reading, so I’m going to keep this brief. After all, I have to get back to my BEST TEAM IN BASEBALL. But since we’re in a rain delay, read this:
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So, Kermit is still working on his 20,000-word post. He’s hoping to have it up later tonight. This better be one hell of a dick joke.

Look, it would have been nice to take two of three from the Astros, but maybe the doom-sayers should think about it this way: Dempster had his second-worst start of the season, and only gave up 4 runs. In his worst start of the season, he only gave up…4 runs. Every other start but one has been a quality start.

Thank you to all of the men and women who have sacrificed their lives for this country, and thank you to the men and women currently serving in our military. God bless you.

Here’s your Roundup.
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Did anyone catch my press conference before Wednesday’s game? It was pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. Someone asked me if I thought the signing of Jim Edmonds was a low-risk, possibly high-reward transaction. I laughed and said, “Whatever Jim says,” to the delight of the entire room. I still got it. Anyhow, here’s your Roundup.
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My, oh, my. I thought you guys were upset about your team. After watching their team lose six games in a row, Brewers fans are jumping off the highest building in Milwaukee (eight stories). The lactose-intolerant among them are eating all of their requisite six meals a day at Culver’s. They’re hiding under the cushions of Prince Fielder’s couch. They’re going hunting without wearing those stupid orange jackets. And they’re writing off the season after 34 games. Awesome. Anyhow, here’s your Roundup.
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God damnit. God damnit. God damnit. You ever have one of those days when every button you push is the wrong one? You ever have an outfielder who you want to punch in the back of the head? You ever want to round up the media, put them on a bus, light the bus on fire, and push the bus off a cliff? I should not have gotten out of bed yesterday. Let Trammell run the damn team. Anyhow, here’s your Roundup on a pissed-off Friday:
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