Archive for the “Ex-Cubs” Category

It appears that, underneath all of Mark Prior’s recent injuries has lingered a whole other injury, that is the likely result of:

traumatic events, usually from a fall.

If said “traumatic event” turn out to be Prior’s full-on collision with the gnomish Marcus Giles in 2003, then I guess that little prick Giles can now be seated alongside Earl Averill, Gil McDougaland Pete Rose in the “Players Who Derailed Other Players’ Careers” Club. Good for you, you little shit. Your otherwise meaningless baseball career now has some qualification. Congratulations.

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Ahhhhhh, Mikey. Meathead. Maroon. How your emotion-filled approach to baseball helped blunder this team through the maddening retardedness that was Cubs baseball from late 2004 until you were dealt last June. Seeing you on the opposite side of the field this week where even Ted Lilly was prepared to steal a base on you, reminds me that even in times when the Cubs lose, like they did last night, that things have been so much better since you’ve been gone.

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As if a 7-0 homestand, an MLB-best 36-21 record, and an upcoming road trip against the hapless San Diego Padres and Los Angeles Dodgers aren’t reason enough for a Cubs fan to be damn near giddy about the 2008 season, the good news keeps rolling in. When Jim Hendry refused to give Mark Prior more than what he was worth, I was foolishly upset. But it looks like Hendry made the right call. Prior is scheduled for season-ending shoulder surgery. Again.
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Skip Johnson, aka Jim Essian here. Thought I’d stop in with the season 47/162nd of the way through.

If you’ve checked the Cubs’ May 2008 schedule, you might have noticed a couple of things:
1) The Cubs are 11-9 so far this month, not bad for starting the month 1-5 and having to play three games in Houston. If they go 6-3 against Pittsburgh, the Dodgers and the Rockies, they’ll have matched their win total for April, a month that earned a glowing review from hardscrabble blogger Mike Donohue.
2) What did those zany marketing guys do to May 22? I see the same people took over the banner of this site. I might have to do to Kermit what I did to Kirk Gibson once on an ice rink if he keeps this up. Maybe Kermit can get his act together and get MLB and the Cubs to treat May 22 on a calendar with the respect it deserves. Do you like the May 2008 calendar a little better with May 22 commemorated the way it was supposed to be?

Yes, today is a special day at HJE, Wrigley Field, Shea Stadium, baseball stadiums everywhere, Armenia, and anywhere humanity exists. It’s Jim Essian Day.

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We here at Hire Jim Essian! like our holidays. Just in the past month we’ve had Daryle Ward Day and Lee Elia Day. We’ve also celebrated Dusty Baker Week and even Armenian Appreciation Day.

So it’s only fitting that we take time to honor a man who will take to the hill later today after becoming only the 8th player in the last 117 years to register 350 wins.

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Making the decisions of when to hit-and-run, when to pull a struggling pitcher, and how to construct a lineup aren’t easy, and those decisions are the ones for which MLB managers get paid the big bucks. The actual process of managing, though, isn’t hard. Put nine guys in a lineup in some kind of order. Try to have a pitcher in there somewhere. Make sure the guy who bats ninth in the lineup always bats right after the guy who hits eighth in the lineup, even if you’ve switched the guys around. Not hard at all, really.
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So I was listening to Lou’s postgame presser after the Cubs victory over the Reds. First question was about Soriano’s first inning injury. Obviously not everything was known at the time, Lou wouldn’t speculate, and said it’s ultimately Jim Hendry’s decision anyway on whom to call up. Next Lou was asked about Dempster’s performance. He then talked about Lee and Ramirez, and how the whole team was swinging some hot bats. Typical postgame briefing.

Then I heard a whiny voice that I could have sworn was Mariotti’s.

Soriano. The guy gets hurt catching a routine flyball. Is this another “Cubbie Occurence?”

WTF? Lou already talked about Soriano. Why would you ask that? What journalistic purpose are you serving? Things not asked about at this juncture were: Michael Wuertz’ sudden inability to get anybody out, whether or not Lou will continue to stick with a struggling Pie, how prepared was Lou to bring in Sean Marshall when it was still a 2-run game in the 7th inning. There were plenty of topics that would have merited an intelligent, thoughtful question. Instead, we get some hack reverting back to Soriano’s injury, but this time framing it in the nonsensical context of a curse.

Friend of HJE Fro Dog, over in the Shoutbox here, heard the same press conference and thought it was Bruce Levine. That would personally disappoint me, as it seemed soooo right up Mariotti’s alley (I could see it now. Soriano’s injury happened in the first, so Jay gleefully writes his entire story right then and there and then proceeds to spend the next 8 innings at the buffet, rubbing lasagna over his chest). In any event, whether it’s Mariotti, Levine, Carol Slezak, whoever… there should be a “beatdown” buzzer that goes off when some schlep asks such an idiotic and irrelevant question.

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For the first time since he ruined my life from 2004 through 2006, Dusty Baker will be back in Wrigley Field this Tuesday. In honor of his return, I suggest that Lou Piniella coach this week Dusty-style. Here are my suggestions:
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No, not this year’s. This one. We were having a conversation in the Shoutbox yesterday, and Section 242 was telling a story about a bachelor party he attended during which former Bull Jason Williams appeared and received a lap dance in front of his hot girlfriend. Anyhow, as part of the bachelor party, Section 242 attended that game.
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Let me be clear about this–Moises Alou was one of my least-favorite Cubs. This is mostly due to Alou’s first season in 2002. The Cubs, having won 88 games the previous year, had signed Alou to go along with an in-his-prime Sammy Sosa, who was coming off the single greatest offensive season in Chicago Cubs history, and first baseman Fred McGriff, whose full potential as a Grade-A ass-eater had yet to be realized. Jon Lieber was coming off a 20-win season, and Kerry Wood seemed poised to make all of his starts for the first time in his career (he would). Additionally, right before Spring Training ended, the Cubs had acquired a proven closer in Antonio Alfonseca and a young right-hander in Matt Clement from Florida. Sure the team had some holes, but expectations were pretty high going into the season.

And then, on Opening Day in Cincinnati a fat, out of shape, disinterested Moises Alou, fresh off of signing a 25 million dollar deal, injured himself in batting practice by…standing still.

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