Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “But It’s Only Thursday” Edition

Let’s face it. If you’re checking HJE tomorrow, it’s because God, country, and family have forsaken you. Let me just say something right off the bat. Thank you to all of you folks reading this who have served or are currently serving our country in the armed forces. God bless you, particularly HJE regulars Ned Ryerson, JD, Tinker to Evers to Chance, and RockTheIvy (PLEASE let me know if I’m forgetting one of you, as I don’t want to leave any of you out). You guys and gals are doing/have done a job that I can’t even fathom having the courage and patriotism to be able to do myself, and I thank you for it. Anyhow, it’s Roundup time:

• Let’s just get the non-baseball news out of the way. Surprise, surprise, Geoff Jenkins Brett Favre may not be done with football quite yet. I couldn’t be more surprised if I woke up with my head sewn to the carpet.
• If there’s a must-read article this week, it’s Dolan’s. It’s everything you need to know about the TV broadcast teams around the league. Len and Bob get good marks EVEN THOUGH THEY FAILED TO MENTION HJE WHEN THE AFLAC TRIVIA ANSWER WAS “JIM ESSIAN.”
• Jim must REALLY be trying to include Samardzija in a move for a starter. He even has the local media playing up that tower of suck.
• Alfonso Soriano flips the Kerry Wood to the All-Star Game.
• Look, I don’t need to say a lot during my mound visits. Usually, I don’t need more than four words. Sometimes, I don’t need more than four letters.
• On the other hand, there are some guys for whom four letters just aren’t enough.
• Why is the fact that Aramis is having a kid so hush-hush? Does the kid have twelve arms, or something?
• Don’t forget we’re at T-minus one day until most of you guys get closer to naked boobs than you ever have in your lives.
• I guess Guy Ritchie must have found purple lipstick on Madonna’s collar.
• DUSTY BAKER UPDATE: Still an irresponsible retard.
• TCR performs a full cavity search to come up with this find.
• I’m glad someone finally pointed out that 99.9999999% of baseball fans don’t give a rat fuck about Jabba the Chamberlain.
• If Cusack can be a “Chicago” fan, can I be a fan of “movies that don’t suck”? Sorry, John. You haven’t done one of those since Grosse Pointe Blank.
• At first, I thought maybe Dempster had packed his ape suit for our trip to San Francisco. Then, I read the hyphenated word “toilet-trained.”

Well, that’s it for me, Have a nice, safe, restful long weekend. For God’s sake, don’t blow off any fingers. We need you guys typing comments come Monday.

-Sweet Uncle Lou

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