The Scent of Muskbag

Like moths to a flame, we return to the Muskbag. If you don’t believe these things can keep getting increasingly more stupid, prepare to be amazed.

What’s the deal with Derrek Lee grounding into double plays so often? We’re not even at the 80-game mark, and he has almost as many GDPs as he’s ever had in a full season. His current pace puts him around 33, which would be more GDPs than anyone in the National League (at least back to 1933).
– Chris G., Minneapolis

“What’s the deal”? Are you working on a stand-up set?

As for your question, Lee is hitting into more double plays because the guys at the top of the lineup are getting on base more often this year (Soriano’s leadoff 2008 OBP of .344 is right where it was last year at .345, but Theriot is getting on at a .403 OBP clip in the second spot in the order versus his .324 OBP in 2007). Hell, everyone on the team is getting on base more frequently. So, suddenly those 6-3 putouts become 6-4-3 double plays on a more frequent basis. Plus, Lee is another year older and another year slower.

Lee has come up in a force-out situation 132 times this year already (roughly, as I’m not counting when he’s had plate appearances with 2 outs). All of last year, he only stepped to the plate 182 times in that situation.

Moreover, the ground balls Lee is hitting aren’t finding the holes as frequently this year as they were last year. His BAbip on ground balls last year was .286. This year, it’s only .221. So, part of it is just plain bad luck.

But Carrie apparently doesn’t know how to use Baseball-Reference, so I’m sure she’ll say something ridiculous.

CARRIE: He’s not trying to do it.

I rest my case.

CARRIE: When asked, Lee said: “It’s one of those years — double play’s the thing. I don’t know what to do differently. I don’t want to strike out. I’d rather hit a line drive in the gap, obviously. I’m just hitting ground balls at the wrong time. I guess that’s what it comes down to.”

He was asked before Saturday’s game, and then went 5-for-5. Lee does hit the ball hard, which results in more double plays.

Yep. It was none of the statistical shit I mentioned. It’s just a matter of hitting the ball too hard. Lee should swing a lot more softly with guys on base.

I’d like to know Derrek Lee’s batting average with men on base and with men in scoring position.
– Steve A., Salt Lake City, Utah

And I would like to have a license to kill stupid people. I ran a little experiment. I started a stopwatch, opened an internet browser, typed in “Cubs.com,” located the most-recent Muskbag, and input the question just as Steve A. wrote it. It took exactly 49.684 seconds to do that. Plus, presumably, a week to wait for an answer.

Then, I restarted the stopwatch, opened a browser window, navigated to Baseball-Reference.com, input “Derrek Lee” into the player search box, pulled down the “Splits” window to 2008, and scrolled down to Derrek’s “Bases Occupied” split. It took exactly 27.369 seconds.

If I analyze those results against my control group, the only reasonable conclusion is that Steve A. is a fucking idiot.

CARRIE: Lee is hitting .299 with runners on and .299 with runners in scoring position.

Did she have to call Hartig on his cell phone, or did she muster up the energy to look this up on herself?

Ryan Dempster is 9-0 at home and 0-2 on the road. Has any Cubs pitcher had a perfect record at home and been winless on the road for a whole season?
– Mark P., Banner Elk, N.C.

You’re assuming Dempster’s not going to win on the road all season? DOOOOOOOOOOOM!

CARRIE: I had to ask Cubs historian Ed Hartig on this one.

No shit.

CARRIE: If we don’t set a minimum on home wins and road losses, then there are dozens of Cubs who were perfect at home and “un-perfect” on the road with 1-0 and 0-1 records. So, we’ll set a minimum of three.

Sweetbreads Bailey is the only Cubs pitcher to win at least three games at home without a loss and to lose at least three on the road without a win. In 1919, he was 3-0 at home, and 0-5 on the road.

Also, note that Dizzy Dean, Darold Knowles, and Fergie Jenkins had the most wins in a season for the Cubs without a road win (six) but they weren’t perfect at home. Dean was 6-2 at home, 0-2 on the road in 1939; Knowles was 6-4 at home, 0-5 on the road in 1975; and Jenkins was 6-5 at home, and 0-4 on the road in 1983.

While technically correct, Hartig receives only partial credit for that answer. The correct answer was, “Who gives a shit?”

Is there any chance of seeing Jeff Samardzija throwing in the Majors this year? With the season the Cubs are having, why not call him up sometime in August or September and let him throw a few innings in relief? With the run support the offense is capable of delivering, wouldn’t it make sense to let the youngster throw for a team in contention and maybe boost his confidence a little? If Samardzija is one of the future faces of the franchise, the Cubs should get him a few innings in the Majors. What could it hurt?
– Quent W., Bloomington, Ill.

Yes. Let’s take a young pitcher who has done nothing but sucked so far in the minors and throw him into the heat of a pennant race just to make him feel better. But I’m sure thrilled that this goofy-looking retard is going to be the face of the franchise.

CARRIE: Sorry, but I disagree. Players aren’t called up to boost their “confidence.” And Samardzija has never lacked confidence in anything he does. They should be called up to the big leagues when they’re dominating in the Minor Leagues, or if there’s a need on the big league team. One of the reasons Samardzija was bumped up to Triple-A was because the Iowa Cubs were shorthanded with Rich Hill struggling, Sean Marshall getting called up and Kevin Hart getting hit in the head with a line drive. You’ll know when he’s ready to be promoted.

Jesus Christ, I agree with her on something.

Greetings from England. Great to see Jim Edmonds playing so well after his troubles in San Diego. Do you know what changed to make him play so well and what are his batting stats as a Cub compared to his 2008 season overall?
– David R. Oxford, U.K.

Why in the hell would you want to compare his stats as a Cub to his stats overall? Isn’t that just comparing his stats in Chicago to his stats in Chicago + some other stuff? I can understand wanting to compare his stats in San Diego to his stats in Chicago, but doing it your way is just stupid.

But, hey. At least it’s a simple statistics question so Hartig doesn’t have to check his e-mail.

CARRIE: He’s healthy — sort of. Edmonds had a strained right calf this spring when he was in the San Diego Padres’ camp, which limited him in Spring Training. He’s playing now with plantar fasciitis in his left foot, and anyone who has had that knows how painful that is. Edmonds hit .178 in 26 games with the Padres, and is hitting .298 with the Cubs.

Ha! Carrie didn’t even answer his stupid question correctly. I imagine watching her write these Muskbags is just like when Peter Venkman watched in awe as Egon Spengler prepared to drill a hole through his head.

In the Cubs’ nine-run inning against the White Sox [on June 21], I have not heard anyone mention that Edmonds went back-to-back with two different players in the same inning. I was wondering if anyone has ever done this before.
– Jack B., Edmond, Okla.

In the same inning? No. In the same shower room? Yes. Edmonds himself has. Many times.

CARRIE: It was the first time ever that the Cubs had back-to-back homers twice in the same inning.

And is the last time they will ever have the Back-to-Back Jacks competition.

What does Micah Hoffpauir have to do to stick with the big club? I would think batting .400 (14-for-35) would make it very easy for Lou Piniella to keep him up. Does he have plans to bring Hoffpauir up when the rosters expand?
– Steve H., Pflugerville, Texas

Yes. As soon as they expand the rosters to include a designated hitter who doesn’t understand situational hitting.

CARRIE: Hoffpauir was sent down when Daryle Ward was activated because both he and Ward are left-handed bats, both play first and the corner-outfield spots. The difference is Ward is a veteran, has played in the postseason, hit .268 as a pinch-hitter last season for the Cubs and understands the role. I don’t know if Hoffpauir will get called up again, but I hope so.

OMG, they should trade Hoff Power for C.C. Sabathia! That would be teh awesomez!

When did Steve Goodman write the “Go Cubs Go” song?
– Deb Y., Plainfield, Ill.

If Carrie is going to continue to field dumbass questions like these, I think she should be forced to ask Lou for the answers.

CARRIE: Lou, do you know when Steve Goodman wrote the “Go, Cubs, Go” song?

LOU: Steve who?

CARRIE: Goodman.

LOU: Steve Goodyear? You mean the fat guy who was in the bullpen and then went on the DL?

CARRIE: No, a songwriter. Do you know when he wrote “Go, Cubs, Go”?

LOU: Is that a song about taking a shit?

CARRIE: No.

LOU: Well, then, how the hell should I know?

CARRIE: He wrote it in 1984. And to everyone who has asked about downloading the song, I’m told it’s available on iTunes.

For all of you complete morons who aren’t aware of the hundreds of ways you can download music on the internet, there you go.

I was having a debate with my brother as to why the baskets were put in place on the outfield wall. He thought it was to keep the ivy from growing too high, and I thought it was to prevent fans from interfering with balls in play. Can you help settle our dispute?
– Tony P., Strawberry Point, Iowa

Holy shit, this has to be one of you guys, right? It’s obviously to keep the drunks from falling on Kosuke Fukudome’s head.

It has nothing to do with the ivy, but more to keep inebriated fans from going onto the field. The baskets were installed in 1970.

Wait, really? I agreed with her twice in one Muskbag? Carrie should probably point out that Tony P. is more right than she is. It’s my understanding that the real driving force behind the installation of the baskets was to prevent fans from interfering with balls in play. It just so happens that the drunks trying to interfere would occasionally take a nosedive out onto the field because of their enthusiasm.

What’s the latest word on Chad Fox?
– Stella R., Chicago

DONE

CARRIE: Fox was recently examined by orthopedic specialist Dr. James Andrews and was told he isn’t done pitching. He has been waiting for the inflammation in his elbow to calm down before beginning a throwing program.

Why in the world would he do that? That’s about as big a waste of time as me taking Lamaze classes.

Like many others, I loved seeing the Cubs in the 1948 “throwback” uniforms. But was a mistake made on the caps? I’m rather sure in ‘48 that the cap was Cubbie blue (matching the great striped sox) with a solid red “C,” such as the one sold by MLB as the Cubs’ 1938-56 Cooperstown cap. Am I right or wrong?
– Charles J., Tyler, Texas

Neither. You’re just a loser.

CARRIE: Yes, the caps were wrong. I’m told there was a problem getting a perfect match to the ‘48 caps.

They couldn’t have made caps? Considering how much the Cubs hyped that stupid-ass throwback game, you’d think they’d spend a couple of hundred bucks more to have custom-made caps.

I have a wager that needs settling. Can you tell me the number of physical seats at Wrigley Field? When I went to the Cubs Web site, it was just over 41,000. The person I’m wagering fifth row Cubs-Brewers tickets against is convinced this includes standing room and is not valid. I need to know if there are in fact, more than 41,000 physical seats.
– Emily S., Janesville, Wis.

How stupid is this girl’s friend?

Seating capacity:
41,160

She went to the site, saw that, and proceeded to bet on it? Anyone want to bet me that the top of this page doesn’t say “Hire Jim Essian” on it?

CARRIE: The number of physical seats is 41,210. Hope you won.

Either Cubs.com hasn’t counted the new CBOE seats yet, or Carrie is wrong yet again. There are just over 41,000 physical seats, but there are an additional 5,000 metaphysical seats. To reach them, you must enter the park and meditate until you reach enlightenment. At that point, you will reach a plane of consciousness where the seats are comfortable, the beers are free and cold, and the vendors are all Victoria’s Secret models. If you fail to meditate your way to the metaphysical seats, you can always try Stubhub.com.

Another successful Muskbag is in the physical books. Time to meditate until I’m no longer dumbfounded.

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