Friday Night Fukudome: Jim Edmonds vs. The Edmund Fitzgerald
Posted by: Bad Kermit in Around the MLB, Friday Night Fukudome
His legend lives on from St. Louis on down,
Though he liked to have sex with a collie.
The Padres had said, “His career isn’t dead,
“He can play center field, though it’s roomy.”
Before trades they could explore, he struck out twenty-four,
Times, and his power numbers were empty.
With his dog, he got nude, ‘cuz cats are such prudes,
Though he double-bagged it, he came early.
The Padres said, “Bye,” and Jim Edmonds, he cried.
It appeared his career was now over.
He frosted his tips and put clamps on his nips,
And he gave his poor dog a good greasing.
He called up his friend, Gerald Thompson again,
And they left to get loaded in Cleveland.
And later that night they played “Hide the Wang,”
Sometimes giving’s as good as receiving.
When breakfast time came the housekeeper showed up sayin’,
“What is going on with that collie?”
She closed tight the door, then passed out on the floor,
For the shock of the scene was too bawdy.
But the rumors spread wide; there was no place to hide,
It was up on YouTube by four thirty.
And still do they cry, “Gerald fits Edmonds tight,
“And that pervert Jim Edmonds fits Gerald!”
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Entries (RSS)
May 9th, 2008 at 6:52 pm
Out-freaking-standing.
I’ll be waiting for the “Carefree Highway” re-mix when Pujols retires.
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May 9th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Somewhere Gordon Lightfoot is crying.
Hopefully, somewhere Jim Edmonds is crying even harder. He got released and replaced by Jody Gerut and a guy whose last name is Hairston! That is beautiful.
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May 9th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
how long did it take you to think of that little diddy?..wow
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May 9th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald was the first song my bride and I danced to at our wedding reception. You just made it more meaningful. I love you man.
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May 10th, 2008 at 8:42 am
Wow. I am standing and clapping. Wait, then how am I typing?
Brilliant, Kerm.
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May 10th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Git-chee-goo-mee.
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May 10th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Just brilliant, Kerm.
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May 11th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Fucking brilliant! I’m laughing my ass off…God I hate Jim Edmonds!
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May 11th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
nicely done.
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May 11th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Who actually voted for the Edmund Fitzgerald being a bigger wreck than Edmonds?
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Mike D. reply on May 11, 2008:
Don’t quote me on this, but I think the Kerms’ dogs have Internet access.
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