It’s with infinite sadness that I have to report that this is going to be my final regular post on HJE. As you know, HJE recently took on the funny and talented Mike D. and Tonker to help out around here, to post when I needed a breather, and to provide a bit of a different perspective on the Cubs (Mike D.’s encyclopedic knowledge of Cubs history and Tonker’s inclination to put “u”’s after all of his “o”’s being a big part of that).
My original intention wasn’t to post less or step down, but the grind of work, blogging, and family life has taken its toll on all three and, unfortunately, something’s gotta give. I’d hate to think my priorities were so out of whack that I would choose blogging over family and paychecks, so the axe had to fall somewhere. I have spoken with one of my good buddies, a lifetime Cubs fan himself, who is going to take over the majority of the blogging activity. In keeping with the tradition, he is going to go by the name “Gonzo.” I know he will have the time and enthusiasm to pick up where I’m leaving off. I would have asked Mike D. or Tonker, but I didn’t want to burden them with full-time duties, as they, too, have jobs, families, and lives. Gonzo, on the other hand, is a dirty hippie with too much time on his hands. Perfect for this task.
I will still be around, Shoutboxing and posting what and when I can. It’s just that posting every day has deprived me of sleep for too long. I’ve passed the “master list” of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time over to Gonzo, and he has assured me that he will see the list to its completion. He has also promised that Sweet Uncle Lou will still be doing his Friday Roundups. So, hopefully, not too much will change around here.
By way of introduction, I asked that Gonzo put together a first post. I have attached it below:
Another season of Chicago Cubs baseball is underway at last! And for those of us who literally have Cubbie Blue running through our veins, it could not have come quickly enough.
GM Jim Hendry and skipper Lou Piniella have made every move they wanted to make to bring us the first World Series since World War II, and finally end the curse of the Billy Goat. Those of us who go to the games to cheer on our beloved Cubbies, win or lose (but hopefully win) know this is the year our hearts mend (what in the world was up with that guy, anyhow?)!
Speaking of going to the games, no matter what happens, it’ll always be Wrigley Field to me, and there’s still no better bargain in the world than sitting in the bleachers at a Cubs’ game, soaking up the sun and chatting baseball with the knowledgeable “Bleacher Bums.” In fact, I think the only reason Sam Zell is thinking about renaming Wrigley Field is because he owns part of the White Sox (booooo!) and doesn’t understand how much the name Wrigley Field means to those of us who have rooted for the Cubs since the Mark Grace days. I’m sure he’ll come around soon enough.
So, on to the Cubs. What a great team we have! Our lineup is as good as anyone’s in the Senior Circuit. Between the scrappiness of Ryan (which sounds like “Ryne” if you say it fast enough – he might be another Sandberg! One can only hope, right?) Theriot and the hustle of Aramis Ramirez, and the impassioned leadership of Derrek Lee, how can we lose?
We have great pitching too. We have Carlos Zambrano, who you can always count on for a great performance. And how great a pickup was Ted Lilly? He is one cool customer. In fact, he’s so relaxed out there that I heard someone say his “head is in the freezer”. Actually it sounded like “he has heads in the freezer”, but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? I also expect big things from Jason Marquis, who is a playoff veteran, having gained experience in the last two postseasons. And Rich Hill is gaining confidence every time he goes out there, and Ryne (Oops, I typed it too fast) Ryan Dempster will just crack everyone up, and keep the team loose in between his starts.
Speaking of postseasons, now the Cubbies are actually playoff-seasoned. They’ve been through the long “second season” and now understand that instead of 162 games, they may have to be ready to play over 170 in order to win the pennant.
There’s also a lot of new faces, like Fukudome. We need a nickname for him – I was thinking of “Ichiban”, which is Japanese for “Number One” (I remember reading in wrestling magazines that the Japanese fans called Hulk Hogan “Ichiban” whenever he went over on a tour). Felix Pie has been handed the starting center field job, although Reed Johnson (You can tell he’s gritty just by looking at him, and his name just SOUNDS like a baseball player’s) will certainly press him for playing time. Of course, we can’t forget Soriano in left, who will once again try to become the first Cub to have a 40/40 season.
So, I hope you join me in wishing the Chicago Cubs good luck for the upcoming season. But even if they play poorly, at least we have the pleasure of seeing the boys in blue lock horns with some of the finest players in baseball when they come to Wrigley Field. Just imagine when the Padres come to town, and the Cubs take on former Cubs Greg Maddux, Michael Barrett, and Mark Prior “to being a Padre, he was a Cub.”
But I’m not going to say they’ll play poorly. We’re not here to be pessimistic. Our Northsiders are going to be “Great in 2008″! Put THAT on a t-shirt and sell it!
Don’t worry. He’ll figure it out soon enough.
-Kerm
Tags: baseball, Chicago Cubs, MLB
Entries (RSS)
Keep it real, Kerm.
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Brad D reply on April 1, 2008:
There is nothing Gonzo about this Journalism. “Ye fucking gadz man, Did you see the size of those bats! Now tell me about the fucking bowling shoes!!”
No this is just us getting jerked around and my only complaint is that it wasn’t funny Kerm.
You can’t feel the breeze of the smoke being blown up yer ass from the monitor.
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Bad Kermit reply on April 1, 2008:
It was pretty funny from where I’m sitting…
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StPatrick reply on April 2, 2008:
But not Gonzo at all. At least somebody (Me, look at me, lookit lookit lookit!) made a Dr. Hunter S. Thompson III reference yesterday.
StPatrick reply on April 2, 2008:
…On a different post, or maybe the s-box. See “outback Nazi law-enforcement agency”.
I know you’ve been thinking about this for a long time, Kerm, and can’t blame you. Gonzo’s a good guy and I’m thoroughly looking forward to working with him. Don’t be a stranger, mate.
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Interesting news for April Fools’ Day…
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JayBandit with a counterpoint.
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You goddamn gutless fucking asshole, Gonzo.
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I like the cut of Gonzo’s gib.
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After reading that “post,” I’m 76.3% sure this is bull squash.
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I’m pretty sure Paul Yellon already was a website, Kermit.
Nice try, though.
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April Fools?
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When did Tonker start writing for HJE?
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Tonker reply on April 1, 2008:
Depends on your definition of “writing”, I suppose, JD. The answer for most definitions is “not yet”.
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JD reply on April 1, 2008:
So it’s kind of like me with EG’s blog right now? Just keep telling BK you’re waiting for the right inspiration.
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Tonker reply on April 1, 2008:
He’ll never go for that - he knows only too well what a hack I am. Inspiration and I are total strangers.
callin’ it….
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I’d like to point out this isn’t an April Fool’s Day joke. Kerm’s cutting back. Getting his priorities right. Yellon’s going to be posting on Kerm’s site now. I’m going to be banging Kerm’s wife. Now he can focus on the law.
Gonzo? You missed it. Yellon’s more of a Bunsen Honeydew.
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Kermit, we hardly knew ye. An event like this can’t go without some kind of get together to mark the sad occasion. Drinks on me at the Viking tonight.
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“HJE recently took on the funny and talented Mike D. and Tonker”
I don’t want the funny and talented Mike D. and Tonker. I want the guys I know.
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Tonker reply on April 1, 2008:
Heh heh. CT, you card. Wait, no… not card… what’s the other thing?
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Mike D. reply on April 1, 2008:
Damn, Tonks. How did you beat me? First time I ever use this: ^^^^^^^^^^^^ and you post a second ahead of me.
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CT reply on April 1, 2008:
C’mon, you know it was all out of love.
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Mike D. reply on April 1, 2008:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hang a star on this one.
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Your pants are on fire
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This sucks balls, BK, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Family and job must come first, amigo. Your sharp wit and sense of humor will be missed.
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Thrillho reply on April 1, 2008:
This is what happens when you don’t read the entire post, or the comments that follow it.
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In a Nutsack reply on April 1, 2008:
Face!
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Bullshit
Never shit a shitter
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And it took about 1 sentence into ‘gonzo’s’ entry to realized this was an April Fool’s day prank. Come on, Kerm, you can’t use ‘Cubbie Blue’ and expect people to believe you, man!
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Say it ain’t so, BK.
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I will burn my new Hire Jim Essian Todd Hundley Jersey in grief over Bad Kerm’s leaving, or in anger.
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Actually, Kerm has confided in me that he’s going into hiding to avoid bocaj and Redbeard.
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bocaj reply on April 1, 2008:
That’s not nice… to me. Take that back!
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level5 reply on April 1, 2008:
I take it back!! I take it Back!!!! Besides I really do like the Jersey.
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bocaj reply on April 1, 2008:
I’m confused…
My mistake. Cross in postings
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bocaj reply on April 1, 2008:
I still don’t want you to burn your jersey, as well. So don’t!
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Gonzo = Mike Bruno?
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I don’t know what makes me more upset. The fact that BK is “done posting” or that he believes in family and work above other things. You realize your family and coworkers are people too, right? If they can’t take care of themselves, they don’t deserve to be here. FACE!
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Thrillho reply on April 1, 2008:
Oh, how humiliating.
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This is not a funny April fools joke, BK.
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April Fool’s, motherfuckers.
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bocaj reply on April 1, 2008:
This is probably just Gonzo using Kermit’s account!
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Section 242 reply on April 1, 2008:
You mischevious jackanapes! I am still going to the Viking.
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Bad Kermit reply on April 1, 2008:
If you’re buying, I’ll see you there.
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Section 242 reply on April 1, 2008:
You buy the bar and I will buy the drinks.
You suck.
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bocaj reply on April 1, 2008:
Don’t believe it yet–this could just be reverse April Fool’s’d! He could be pretending to not not post anymore as the April Fool’s joke but really not be posting anymore. Think about it…
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Wait, is the April Fool’s joke the fact that you’re staying?
Fuck.
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In a Nutsack reply on April 1, 2008:
flannj, coming alive…I like it.
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This Gonzo guy — sounds a lot like some SD bum that used to roam the inter-muh-nets.
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Why is he stealing my user name? Couldn’t pick “Swedish-Chef”, “Miss Piggy”, or “Beeker”? This is bullshit and I’m not standing for it! Come up with your own original name, nimrods.
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Ugh… I don’t need to wake up to this. I spent the last 24 hours drunk and I missed my class this mornings. I tell you, I don’t need this!
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I can tell by the way “Gonzo” used the word “Cubbies” several times that this isn’t true. But if it is, can I be unbanned?
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Bad Kermit reply on April 1, 2008:
Considering you just posted, it looks like.
The question is: Can you keep yourself from being an obnoxious douche for long enough to STAY unbanned? Since you’ve failed twice already, I say, “No.”
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StPatrick reply on April 2, 2008:
Is A-Ram Boc’s (much) less loveable alter ego? They both will throw out some crazy shit, but the former seems to prefer the flames and venom more than the latter.
Torre is going to continue starting Ethier over JP, and he’s not a SABR guy…is it possible the Old Guard is starting to see the light re: what leads to wins?
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Definitely had me going, even though I read “Gonzo’s” post. Consider me fooled.
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“Gonzo, on the other hand, is a dirty hippie with too much time on his hands.”
Wait…so Oleg is taking over HJE?
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Mike D. reply on April 1, 2008:
Having known Oleg for almost nearly half of my life now, I can only say
We’re doomed.
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Could be worse…one of my buddies sent a text to every girl he’d got on over the last six months, telling them to get checked because he found out he had contracted syphilis. That’s some evil shit, there. One chick called him, cried, and hung up on him before he got to tell her it was a joke. Besides, the easy tipoff that this was a joke was the “dirty hippie” description. Hippies hate sports where somebody wins. That’s why they have hacky-sack and those stick thingies they play with.
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Pat reply on April 1, 2008:
The question about those hippie stick things is:
Does nobody win, or does everybody lose?
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StPatrick reply on April 1, 2008:
Once you play with the stick-thingies, you’ve already lost. Time to go protest something.
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Idjit reply on April 2, 2008:
Like the sale of the naming rights to Wrigley Field!!!!!!1111
StPatrick reply on April 2, 2008:
Again, that deals with sports. More likely, time to protest GWB’s actions related to something he had nothing to do with, like the economy. Anyone who thinks a president (D or R) has more than a slight influence is nuts. Of course, these are the same people who are currently living in trees to prevent UC Berkely from getting a new football stadium.
My favorite part is still Marquis’ “playoff experience”.
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StPatrick reply on April 2, 2008:
That’s like saying murder victims have “adversity experience” and making it sound positive.
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He’s been left off playoff rosters the past two seasons. The only playoff experience he has is watching them.
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