In addition to your local HJE idiots (Tonker and Mike D.), we are proud to be joined by the following esteemed individuals:–a gadfly, a stats-geek, a ringleader of Internet morans (misspelling intentional), an editor for ESPN the Magazine, a Cardinals fan (and NBA expert), the TV voice of the Cubs, and the only Cubs beat reporter who actually seems to enjoy his beat. I guess I’m emceeing the whole thing, meaning I get to see everyone’s answer and make snarky comments about them. Since I’m slow, the questions were asked two weeks ago, so some of the answers may seem dated. Just pretend you’re reading a round table from two weeks ago. Which you are.

Andy Dolan (Desipio): More than Ben Gordon and Larry Hughes. I think Felix will nut up, get his hands on some balls and show off his hose, once he ’sews up’ the centerfield job. (Is that a quadruple entendre?) Fukakke can throw and teams insist on running on Soriano at their peril. I’d say 30.

Kelly Dwyer (Yahoo! Sports): First off, you spell like a Cardinal fan (Original question was written as follows: Combined, how many assists will the OF triumverate (sic) of Soriano, Pie and Fukudome get this season? –Ed.). Secondly, I’m convinced that at least two of these guys don’t exist. I’ll go with 19. It depends on how the home scorekeeper calls it when Vance Law bobbles the pass (is that what you call it?) and still tags Ivan DeJesus out.

Eli Gieryna (Flotsam): I imagine teams won’t run on Soriano quite as much this year, so his assists totals will be down. But, with Pie and Fukudome having such good arms, it might end up being the toughest outfield in baseball to run on. Conservatively, I’d estimate about 387 assists between the three.

Chuck Gitles (Ivy Chat): I’ll go with 30. Alfonso Soriano’s assists will go down from last year to maybe 8 as other teams realize that A Sor’s arm is the best part of his game stop running on him. Pie will have about 10 as I think (hope) he’ll stick around the whole year. K Fuk? Huge wild card as he supposedly has a good arm, but having not followed the Japanese League since my co-workers were from Osaka, there’s no way to know for sure. I’ll guess 12 as teams will run on him, but not for long.

Chris Sprow (ESPN): Sixty seems like a good high-side number, and 38.6 seems like a good low-side number. (Like many, I just can’t see this outfield going for less than 38.5 assists.) Then again, Guilleard Soriano–vastly underused middle name there; did you know he could have been a great dancer or violinist? Nevermind–piled up a career high 447 assists just three years ago for the Rangers. That sweltering mass of bricks in Arlington we know is a good hitters park, so why not give Guilleard a chance to break his personal assists record by playing mind games and utilizing him as a 5th infielder. Pie and The F’Dome can cover the outfield, and most importantly, it’s easy to hit homers at Wrigley, but hard when you’re consciously trying to. The 5th infielder could save us … plus the assists, of course.

Len Kasper (D’UR): 37

Bruce Miles (Daily Herald): I’ll say 60. Soriano might let a ball or two bounce in front of him so he can sidearm a throw to the plate on the fly and get a guy. Fukudome will make people forget Jacque Jones, if they haven’t already done so.

Mike Donohue (Hire Jim Essian!): 35. I, for one, am looking forward to this outfield play.

Jeff Thomas (Hire Jim Essian!): 31st March : Soriano’s hammy goes *ping*. 2nd April: Pie’s testicles drop off, violating the little-known MLB eunuch rule. 3rd April: K-Fuk taken to hospital with exhaustion after trying to man the entire outfield between Murton and DeRosa. Assists for SAM FULD as backup : 160. Leaves left on the outfield Ivy in August : 0.

Kermit: Kudos to Gitles for waiting until the second sentence of a Soriano answer to take a passive-aggressive shot at Alf. Shame on all of our “experts” for failing to notice that this was a trick question. SAM FULD will be the starting center fielder, and will have more assists than Bob Brenly will have “What’s the point of wearing your sunglasses on the brim of your hat?” comments. In total, 42.

Kasper: I really like Matt and his offensive style. Very patient, developing power (look at his slugging percentage and you’ll be surprised at what you see), goes to the opposite field. I think he needs to play everyday, which means he’ll probably be traded. He needs to go to a younger team and get 500 ABs. As much as I’d like him to stay, there just doesn’t seem to be any room for him. I will say this–he’s a better player than people give him credit for. Low salary, solid rate stats and he’s while he’s not a great defensive OF, I don’t believe he’s as bad as some people think. Just look at his salary when you have a second and then compare his OPS to some guys around baseball who are making 10 times what he makes. It might be enlightening.

Dolan: He’s a good hitter, and has an actual idea of what he’s doing at the plate and that’s refreshing for a franchise that’s had about six of those guys in the last 63 years. He can’t play center and the last I checked the left fielder had seven years left on his contract and the right fielder had has four. Basically once Soriano had to move back to left last year, it spelled doom for Murton’s Cubs’ career. For whatever reason, the Orioles–who could use him–don’t seem to want him. I guess you could hang onto him and use him off the bench, but that seems a waste for a young player. I’d like to see him hang on in the bigs long enough to become fully vested in the MLB dental plan, because those Chicklets of his need some serious work.

Gitles: The tears are already streaming up in Glenview as three red-headed children are wondering where their genetic father will end up. They are nearly certain Matt will have to move on to the American League at some point where he can DH. It’s very hard to see where Matt Murton fits in with this team given that they already have Daryle Ward as a pinch hitter and Murton’s defense doesn’t make him a candidate to replace Soriano in the late innings.

Donohue: If this long-rumored trade for Brian Roberts goes through–in other words after Andy MacPhail concludes his focus group survey on how dealing Roberts will affect Peter Angelos’ blood pressure–then Murton is as good as gone, either in the trade itself–as has been rumored–or shortly afterwards. If no trade is made, I suppose they will hang on to Murton as insurance in the event that Pie falters. They could consider going with a platoon wherein Fukudome moves over to centerfield against lefties with Murton in right (a Roberts trade would almost definitively result in a Pie platoon with DeRosa playing right field against lefties).

Sprow: Matt Murton is a player of the wrong era. In 2004, he played 144 games, had 455 AB’s, in which he had 22 doubles, 13 HR’s, 65 RBI, and walked nearly as often as he struck out (45/62) with an OBP of .365, which we’d LOVE out of a leadoff man, ahem. In essence, the one season he’s been allowed to play, and at the ripe old age of 24, the guy batted .297 and was, for the most part, solid. He did NOT detract from this team. Well, before even Gregg Zaun knew how to shoot up, those numbers with that plate discipline would have gotten a guy a good deal and added some pop to the lineup. Think: Blauser, Jeff. Unfortunately, because we never developed an infatuation with Murton, and his best year was in a bad year for the team, I think we’ve diminished his trade value, which, a couple years ago, was perhaps two good young prospects. Now, we’ve practically re-made him into a prospect–he got just 235 AB’s last year–and his one full year looks pretty solid. If this guy had the minor league tool set of a Juan Encarnacion, he’d be traded around for a dozen prospects in his first 6-7 years in this league. The only reason to keep Murton at this point seems to be cash flow related. And by that I mean he doesn’t use very much.

Dwyer: I cannot condone the striking of Bridget Fonda, Matt Dillion (Maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to critique spelling, eh, Dwyer? –Ed.), or any member of Citizen Dick. Kyra Sedgwick and Campbell Scott? Slap away.

Gieryna: Sigh. I’ve long been a Matt Murton supporter, and I still think he’ll be a useful player in the bigs. I do think he has value to the Cubs, if for nothing else besides depth. If Soriano goes down with another leg injury, or Fukudome’s elbow acts up, the Cubs can plug Murton in and still get pretty good production at a corner spot. Not a lot of teams have an 800-plus OPS guy as their fourth outfielder.

Miles: As far as I know, the Cubs promised Murton they’d try to trade him when they signed Fukudome. Since the other teams must have gotten a memo that trades are now illegal, the Cubs still have Murton, who, by the way, has been one of their better hitters this spring.

Thomas: Murton’s in the wrong organization. His career line against lefties is .326/.399/.510, fer chrissakes. As half of a platoon he’d be a monster, and he should really be playing every day. The fact that he hasn’t been moved to the AL yet is down to either a) stupidity on the part of 14 GMs; b) the Cubs selling him short; or c) prejudice against Ginger. I’m going to go with a mixture of the three – let’s face it, would you have a ginger guy in your team, given the choice? Will someone think of the shower attendant?

Kermit: Murton could have saved himself a lot of hassle by strapping on a second baseman’s glove at some point. It seems like Jim will always find room for a second baseman or thirty on the roster.

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