MLB’s all-time saves leader has dominated a lot of teams throughout the course of his Hall of Fame career. But few teams quake in fear more when the hear the ominous toning of Hell’s Bells, which is why Trevor Hoffman checks in at #67 on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time. So, here it is (with apologies to AC/DC).

“Cubs Smell” Lyrics by Trevor Hoffman, Music from AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells”:

Against the Cubs, I’m such a pain.
Thirty-two times I have saved our games.
Two seven five is my ERA,
Though I’ll admit that my goatee’s gay.
I don’t give up walks, and I strike out guys.
My jorts show off my athletic thighs.
I got my changeup gonna take you to hell.
I’m gonna get ya, all ya hittas.

Cubs smell.
Cubs smell. You’ll never win rings.
Cubs smell. Your losses are high.
Cubs smell.

I’ll set you down one two three in the ninth.
Unlike Ryan Dempster, who’s no friend of mine.
See the goose eggs pile up as I split the night.
‘Cuz if good’s on the left, then you guys are so far right.
I won’t give up homers to you fucking guys.
Minor leaguers put up more fight.
I throw so well. I’m gonna take you to hell.
I’m gonna whiff ya. Hoffman whiff ya.

Cubs smell.
Cubs smell. You’ll never win rings.
Cubs smell. Your losses are high.
Cubs smell.

Cubs smell. A loss is coming to you.
Cubs smell. It’s game over now.
Those Cubs smell. There’s no hope, you guys.
Cubs smell. All of the time.
Cubs smell. You guys are such clowns.
Cubs smell. Get out of my town.
Cubs smell. Your record’s a fright.
Cubs smell. Get out of my sight.
Cubs smell.

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Why You Should Hate Him: August 12, 2004. The clear contrast between a shitty closer and a great one was on display at Wrigley Field this day. The Cubs and the Padres had battled to a 4-4 draw at the end of nine innings at Wrigley Field. In the top of the 11th inning, Ryan Dempster gave up three hits, including a go-ahead, two-out RBI single by Khalil Spicoli Greene. Hoffman, on the other hand, came in for the bottom of the inning, pitching around a Corey Patterson double and retiring the Cubs on 9 pitches.

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Did You Know? Hoffman has only one kidney. He also named his kids Brody Burke, Quinn Eddie, and Wyatt Quade. That’s right. The Cubs can’t solve a one-kidneyed freak who’s obsessed with Westerns.

Tags: baseball, Cub killers, MLB, San Diego Padres, Top 79, Trevor Hoffman

This entry was posted on Monday, November 19th, 2007 at 11:06 am and is filed under Lists, The Top 79.You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.