Top 79 #69: “Against the Cubs, He’s As Good As” AUgie Ojeda
What sort of sick world do we live in when a guy like Augie Ojeda shows up on a list of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time? What sort of depraved God makes a 5′8″, 165-pound-soaking- wet midget like Ojeda an absolute nightmare for the Cubs? On what dark planet does Augie Ojeda outhit the entire Cubs lineup for a three-game stretch and tie Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, and Aramis Ramirez for RBIs during those games? An evil world, a terrible God, and a desolate, barren planet.
Ojeda was drafted by the Baltimore Orioles in the 13th round of the 1996 draft. In 1999, the Cubs somehow managed to trade a worse player than Ojeda to Baltimore in exchange for the diminutive utility man. Ojeda broke in with the Cubs in 2000, crushing a career-high 2 home runs and setting Cub career-highs in batting average (.221), on-base percentage (.307), and slugging percentage (.364). Ojeda played through the 2003 season with the Cubs, racking up 24 RBIs on the strength of 3 home runs and somehow becoming the Rudy of the Chicago Cubs along the way. Oh, how the idiots cheered when Ojeda would get a start. “He’s so little!” Ojeda’s mother would yell as he ran onto the field. “That’s my boy!” his father would shout as his friend D-Bob applauded and his jealous older brother shed a quiet tear of pride.
After the 2003 season, the normally-sensible Minnesota Twins claimed Ojeda off waivers. Ojeda, of course, had a career year. He batted .339 in part-time duty with the 2004 Twins, getting on base at a .429 clip with a .458 slugging percentage, all by far career highs.
Ojeda did not see time in 2005 with the Twins and was granted free agency after the 2005 season. The Cubs picked him up to fill out the 2006 Iowa Cubs roster, and fill it out he did. After the 2006 season, the Cubs granted Ojeda free agency. Big mistake. Ojeda moved west, as the Arizona Diamondbacks swept in to scoop him up.
In three games and three at-bats against the Cubs, Ojeda did nothing. The little twerp was 0-3 with a strikeout. Unfortunately for the Cubs, the regular season was not meant to be the last time the Cubs faced Ojeda in 2007. After the Colorado Rockies surged, and the Mets collapsed, the Cubs were set for a five-game series against Ojeda’s Arizona Diamondbacks in the NLDS. That five-game series was abbreviated to three games, thanks in no small part to the miniature heroics of Ojeda.
In nine NLDS at-bats against the Cubs, Ojeda had four hits, a walk, and a hit by pitch. He batted .444 with a .545 OBP and a .556 SLG. That’s right. Ojeda had an 1.101 OPS against the Cubs during the NLDS. You had that same sinking feeling in 2007 when Ojeda came to the plate that you did when Juan Pierre came to the plate in 2003. You just knew the shithead was going to kill the Cubs worse than the 3-4-5 hitters in the lineup.
And he did. And we hate him for it.
Why You Should Hate Him: Ojeda was a pain in the ass for all three games of the NLDS, but none worse than Game Two. With the Diamondbacks already ahead of Ted Lilly and the Cubs 4-2 in the bottom of the 4th inning, Ojeda laid down a bunt single to lead off the inning. After Doug Davis failed to sacrifice Ojeda to second, Lilly walked Chris Young ahead of a Steven Drew triple, which scored both Ojeda and Young. One inning later, Ojeda came to the plate with one out and runners at first and second. Ojeda hit a line-drive single off Scott Eyre (literally), scoring Mark Reynolds, giving the Diamondbacks a 7-2 lead, and effectively putting the game out of reach. I didn’t really appreciate the poor sportsmanship Ojeda showed as he excessively celebrated the hit.
Did You Know? It’s possible to put together a 45-second Augie Ojeda video tribute?
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Comments
Bad Kermit Unfortunately, I couldn’t really use the symbol correctly. The “u” should be lowercase, but then it wouldn’t stand out. Bah.
But thanks.
al Good call. It seemed like every time he was up he was getting a base hit in the playoffs. Wow
level5 The “Against the Cubs, He’s As Good As” AUgie Ojeda was the best one yet. It took my from 8AM until 1PM before I finally got the Joke. Outstanding work BK. You are right with a lower case u no one would get the joke.
BigFlax The thing that drove me nuts about this one was that every time Ojeda got a hit, Dick Stockton had to note that he was “coming back to haunt his former team!” Never mind that Ojeda had played with at most three guys on the roster.
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BigFlax
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TDubbs
Kermit, this is probably the best thing you’ve written on this site. Very nicely done.