The Lazy Blogger’s Offseason Improvement Thread: The Bullpen

Marmol stays and closes. Howry stays and sets up. Eyre excercises his option and stays. Hopefully, Wood resigns and stays filthy. If Hart doesn’t make the rotation, he makes the pen. Marshall is the long lefty. He’ll need to gain weight, but Eyre and Ward can help. Weurtz stays.

That’s 7 guys. I figure we can fullfil the rest with a combo of our farm guys and possibly some free agent reclaimations. I’m too lazy to look up who’s available. And I’m not including dempster. Jason Kendall killed him and is currently using his scalp as a mop.

CL - Howry
8th - Marmol
7th - Dempster

MR - Wuertz
MR - Wood

Loogy - Eyre

Long man - Marshall

Of course, if an alternative to Eyre as Loogy can be found, I’m all in favor of his shitcanning. I’m not opposed to the idea of Marmol closing either but like the idea of him coming into the most dire situations regardless of inning and don’t think anyone else is capbable of filling that role on this team. But if he wants to be a tits-out, steel scrotum closer for the next 10 years, well, yay.

I’m with you, Colon. I have no problem leaving Marmol as the 7th/8th inning fireman, but I also have no problem making him the closer. If it’s not Marmol, Howry can be tits-out as a closer, as he has proven before. If Wood stays healthy, I’d probably move Dempster to long relief/mop-up and have Wood as your other bridge to Howry. Wood, Marmol, Howry is a pretty nasty back end of the bullpen.

And you could certainly do a lot worse than Eyre as your LOOGY. Namely, Ohman.

I think it’s too early to throw Marshall out as a starter. His stats were improved this year over his rookie season. He was inconsistant but no less than Marquis.

More likely Marshall gets traded to help fill RF or SS making this entire post a moot point.

First and foremost, I’d love to see anyone other than Larry Rothschild as the Pitching Coach. I think that that, more than anything, would improve the hell out of our ‘pen.

Next, dump the Dumpster. If it’s a choice between him starting or relieving, I’d rather see him in the ‘pen, but I’d really rather see him not at all. Not that I hate him or anything, but I don’t think he’s worth much above replacement level at this point.

Marmol stays. Closer is his job to lose, in my opinion.

Howry, damn it, stays. I REALLY dislike him, but he turned his shit around, and how. ry. (I’m really, really sorry for that. I had to.)

Same goes for Eyre, damn his ey(r)es. (Sorry, I swear I’ll stop.) He had an even more dramatic turnaround and was on fire in the second half, as opposed to lighting himself on fire in the first half. If he can avoid sucking quite so bad in the first half next season he’ll be a real asset.

Wuertz…I would like to see them trade him for someone I don’t dislike. His stats are pretty good, but dear lord I get an upset stomach every time I hear his name during a game, especially if we’re down. I just know things are going to go from bad to Wuertz.

I’d like to see Wood back as a reliever of some kind, and hopefully he can find a niche where he can not only contribute, but stay healthy. Knock on wood.

Marshall should really be starting, but if he isn’t, I’d be pretty happy with him as a swingman/long lefty. He hasn’t had much experience as a reliever, but he seems like he can adapt pretty well.

Is Guzman ever coming back? Last I heard, Lou liked him for the bullpen. And then he got injured. And then he vanished.

The rest of the ‘pen can be filled in with minor-league talent if any of them are ready, free agents if any of them aren’t horrendous, or trades if we can fleece somebody for a decent reliever.

I don’t really like Marmol as the closer. Yeah, he would be dominant there, but at the same time, almost anyone can close. I’d say the 7th/8th are much more important than the 9th. Just cause a game was blown in the 8th, doesn’t mean it’s better than having it blown in the 9th. Ryan Dempster likes getting blown in the 9th…

Here is a radical idea: Steve Stone for pitching coach. First, it would make him a lot less available to the local media during the season so we would hear less of him and what we did hear would be typical pitching coach pablum and not the “whose picking up the dinner tab” bitch whinery we now got as the Scores baseball expert. Second, we would all know once and for all if his broadcast booth sagacity could be translated into success for a ML pitching staff. Time to put up or shut up Stone Pony. If it doesn’t work, dump him and let him earn a living posing for Playgirl: The Post-Menopausal Edition.

Weebs said: “…almost anyone can close.”
I disagree with you, and even though I respect your right to an opinion: LaTroy Hawkins. There are other cases of otherwise good pitchers falling apart when the game was on the line in the ninth inning, but none so fresh in my mind.

And as for the 7th and 8th being important, I agree. That’s why having a consistent bullpen, rather than just one talented closer, is important. And for a guy like Lou, having a consistent closer who you can rely on makes it easier to manage the rest of the bullpen.

Bullpen Ace - Marmol. He has the kind of filth that can get you out of a bases loaded, no out situation giving up 0-1 runs more often than most.
Closer - a healthy Kerry Wood, with Howry on his off nights
Long Man - Marshall if not starting

After that, most of the changes are matchup driven, so I don’t care as long as it’s not Ohman.

Bullpens are extremely important, and an often overlooked area of the team.

That said, they are boring as hell to discuss.

well, if we’re spitballing here, assuming we keep our rotation as is, we acquire mariano rivera as our closer, we get maddox back again (allowing him his choice of pitch for a year or become the new pitching coach) leave marmol as our set up man, and rock all around.

failing that, we make kerry wood gain a mess of weight again, acquire david wells and bob wickman and watch all of the hits get sucked into our bullpen’s collective fat.

in all seriousness, if we were to turn maddox into our pitching coach, i think every single cubs fan would be ecstatic, no matter the record. reacquiring him in any capacity would be a great move for the new owner to show his devotion to the fans and team.

Glendon can close

Joe Nathan might be on the block. He could be had for a song because Billy Beane says you can find a closer anywhere. BEANE-OOO! BILLYYYYY! I’d trade Dempster and Jock for him. Why? Because I don’t like them. Why would the Twins do this trade? Don’t be a naysayer. Why would they NOT? Besides the obvious reasons, of course.

The bullpen has already improved 100% with Novoa going to the cubs b-team. Yea I know he didn’t play, but the overwhelming stench of his crappiness extends beyond the playing field.

I’m still trying to figure out if this crappiness equation balances out

04 duschebag Farnsworth = two years of Novoa, 1 month of old asshole Trachsel, some bald AAA guy

I like the idea of Howry as closer. He’s just good enough to do it and apparently his arm can handle pitching 38 days in a row. Let Marmol pitch as a set-up man. I’d rather see him be used to get the tough outs and sometimes go multiple innings. His arm is also likely to hold up better if he sees longer appearances, but not as frequently.