Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Let’s Cover Baseball Like ESPN” Edition
I’m confused. Why is anyone surprised that Manny Ramirez is a total jackass? People are covering this story like it’s news. Ramirez isn’t some nice guy who had a goofy moment. He’s a total assbag. He always has been. All the stories about it are stupid. What’s next? Are we going to get a bunch of stories about Roger Clemens being surly, Randy Johnson being ugly, and Scott Podsednik being queer as a three dollar bill?
- Kermit visited with the boys at Thunder Matt’s Saloon to grade our 2007 infield. I’d give them all gold stars if grades weren’t reserved solely for flaming dorks like them.
- Hey, did you hear Joe Torre isn’t coming back? No? Where have you been, you moron? Christ, this guy is getting so much coverage, you’d think he just flashed his vagina while climbing out of a limo.
- Leave it to the fucking Red Sox to get fired up by a Belushi scene from Animal House that ISN’T the “Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?!” scene. They lost the “losers” tag, but that “idiots” tag still lingers, doesn’t it?
- Speaking of Pearl Harbor, what does everyone think of Hiroki Kuroda?
- The Roberto Novoa era is over, as the Baltimore Orioles have again sat underneath the table and lapped up the crumbs we dropped on the floor. Oh, no! That means the Kyle Farnsworth trade was worthless! Except for the fact, you know, that Kyle Farnsworth is no longer on the team.
- Cubs Convention tickets go on sale November 7. Get your Hire Jim Essian shirts before then, so I know who to avoid during the question-and-answer sessions.
- Looks like we’ll have to wait until December 3rd for the launch party of the “LaRussa .093″ jerseys.
Well, gang, it’s a long offseason, and I have a lot of reading to catch up on. Just kidding. I’m going to use the next couple of months to do a lot of drinking, scratching, and shitting. See you boys next week.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to Hire Jim Essian to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
CT
Bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs
The LaRussa .093 jerseys would be perfect to wear to Binny’s on Dec. 1.