Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Now I’m Just Trying to Piss Kermit Off” Edition
Remember that rumor that I was considering Dempster in a starting role? Remember how long that lasted? Well, it was slightly shorter than the “closer by committee” concept lasted. Much to the chagrin of Bad Kermit and everyone else who hates vaudeville impersonators, Dempster is back in his role as full-time closer.
Suck it, Kermit! Bwahahahahaaa!
- If Dempster can’t handle the starting role, maybe I’ll let Stevie Eyre take a crack at it. Or Kenny Wood. Or Bill Howry. Or Carl Marmol. At times like this, I really wish we’d traded for Aaron Gagne.
- Isn’t it typical that the filthy run put together by Brandon Webb was broken up by that fatass from up north? Thank God we’re missing Webb this weekend when we’re in Arizona to play the D-Bags. Whaddya mean, “Backs”?
- If you haven’t noticed that I’m much more awesome than Dusty Baker, you’re even dumber than Paul Sullivan. Even he takes note of the fact that the suicide squeeze by Blanco against the Giants was something you wouldn’t have seen if D-Bagger was still here. Whaddya mean, “Baker”?
- Here’s your weekly dose of “Zambrano had a mediocre start, is he dying?” nonsense. The only thing Z is tired of is made-up articles written by guys who are full of Molony. You see that? You get that joke? If you do, go explain it to Molony.
- Oh, for God’s sake, I just got the smell of mullets and jorts out of my uniform! Do we really have to make up that game against the Cardinals?
- I made the only list I’ve ever really cared about making. My work here is done. You’re still a pussy, Dibble.
- Man, I’m really sticking with this “Soriano is still going to lead off” shit, aren’t I?
- If you’re still worried about the Brewers, maybe this Brewers lookalikes article will set your mind at ease. Unless you’re afraid of Chewbacca.
- And if that doesn’t help, maybe the fact that Sheets is never coming back and Capuano sucks will.
- The Genius thinks he’s as clever as I am. You know what they say. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. That must be why LaRussa’s finally sworn off dudes and started chasing skirts.
- TJ Brown is on board with my team this year. Are you?
- The worst thing that’s ever happened to me at a beer festival is that I woke up married. This guy has me beat by a hair.
- The world’s greatest caddy proves why he’s the world’s greatest caddy. Suck it, Sweden.
- Last but not least, the way I read it, an 82-year-old Sox fan tried to murder his Cubs fan neighbor, and we saved the Cubs fan’s life. The guy’s name is Larz, for God’s sake. Is there any doubt he’s a Sox fan?
That’ll do it for me, folks. Enjoy the weekend series. This should be a nice tuneup for when the Brewers come to town next week and have their hearts ripped out of their chests through their sacks.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
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Comments
Section 242 The YouTube link in “the list” where Leyland calls out Bonds is awesome. The guy with the much smaller 1991 era head is Bonds, right?
Weebs Oh man, I mentioned that Stevie Eyre thing A LONG time ago. I was watching a pre-game interview of Lou, and that’s what he called him…They stole that knowledge from me!
T.J. Brown I apparently was a member of the “too cool for the Cubs club” that Kermit is a part of.
CT
bocaj
StPatrick
TDubbs
BigFlax
That article about the old man and the loaded gun sounds like total bullshit. Hilarious.