#29: Will Oh “,” man “Will Ohman’s Pitching Again?!”
Will Ohman, you are a damn fool. When I was originally drafting this list, you were, without a doubt, going to be on it. As the list was modified and people were shifted, you managed to skyrocket yourself to Top 30 status. Well done, tubby.
I hate LOOGYs. Hate them. I find it absurd that these guys are getting paid a Daryle-Ward-buttload of money to come in and get one or two guys a game out. You’re not Wade Miller. You should be required to get more than two guys out per game, especially when you’re generally seeing guys like John Mabry and Lenny Harris.
If I were a pitcher on the Cubs, I would hate our offense. But that’s not the point. If I were a Cubs pitcher the odds would also be good that I would belt Ohman in his doughy mouth. You see, if you are a Cubs pitcher, and you have runners on base, you’d better pray to Jim Essian that, when you look down to that bullpen, Will Ohman isn’t warming up. If you leave a game with guys on base and Ohman comes in, he’s going to let them score. Then for good measure, he’ll usually load up the bases and let all those guys score, too. And, hey! Anyone in the crowd want to come around and score? Step up to the plate!
Ohman has been even worse that normal this year, partially because he’s the third left-hander out of the bullpen behind the surprisingly good Neil Cotts and the surprisingly bad Scott Eyre. Ohman is about as superfluous for this team at this point as a pair of cleats is for Daryle Ward. I hear the Iowa team is in need of a good left-hander.
Low Point: April 5, 2007. Ohman has thrown some real stinkers, but in early April of this year, Ohman helped give away a very winnable game. Jason Marquis pitched brilliantly for the Cubs in the Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati, allowing only one earned run on four hits through six innings. For the Reds, Kyle Lohse was keeping the Cubs in check, allowing only two earned runs through six plus innings. The Cubs were leading 2-1 into the bottom of the seventh inning. Cubs reliever Bobby Howry managed to get the first two outs of the inning, but left runners on first and second base for Ohman. Facing Adam Dunn, Ohman threw a wild pitch, allowing both runners to advance into scoring position. Moments later, Ohman threw a “passed ball” for ball four to Dunn, allowing Jeff Conine to score, blowing the Cub lead. Ohman only needed to get one f@#$ing guy out. Simply walking him would have just loaded up the bases with the lead intact. Ohman managed to walk him in the worst way imaginable. Of course, in the bottom of the eighth inning, the Cubs’ other LOOGY gave up a two-run homer to Scott Hatteberg. The Cubs lost the game 4-2.
Did You Know? Ohman was born in Frankfurt, Germany, home of the frankfurter sausage. After his stellar start to the 2007 season, I would have guessed he was born in Fucking, Austria, home of my favorite word to put after “Will” and before “Ohman.”
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Comments
StPatrick I hear Balsunschaften is lovely in the spring, but very sticky in the summer. Strangely, it shrinks in the winter.
Pre Also, I think him coming in for Z with the bases loaded and bouncing the ball over and over in front of the plate to walk in two runners was a solid low point.
StPatrick Good caption today. Too bad all the batters say is…well, nothing. Maybe “scoreboard, assmaster”.
vapor i can’t see why Roberto Novoa or a lot of other players are not here instead of Ohman. I mean, he’s list worthy but i didn’t think he’d be on it this high. Maybe Kermit is high?
NSBB Loyal Reader, first time Poster I still believe we could incorporate Ohman, Wellemeyer, Sisco, Kelton and possibly Harvey (although that might be too much) for Dunn.
MC Pee Pants Yeah. I would beg to differ. I think Novoa is from Fucking, Austria as well. Or Giantforheadsburg.
[...] fact is, Will Ohman is a terrible player, a terrible human being, and the guy who has stolen more money from a Chicago-based media [...]
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I’d rather be from Tittmoning