#51: Roberto “Not Super” Novoa
The only thing that prevents me from moving Roberto Novoa higher up this list is that, frankly, he terrifies me. I’m pretty sure that if I look directly at Novoa, he will swallow my soul.
Fortunately, I automatically look away every time Novoa pitches.
Before the 2005 season, the Cubs thought it would be a good idea to trade their psychotic, hard-throwing, #44-wearing, tight pants-staining reliever for another psychotic, hard-throwing, #44-wearing, tight pants-staining reliever. To Detroit went Kyle Farnsworth, and to Chicago came Novoa.
Novoa’s numbers don’t accurately tell the tale of the anxiety attacks Cubs fans get each time he takes the ball. Nor do they show the ridiculous messes that Novoa leaves for his fellow relievers after he leaves a game. Those tightly-coiled, steaming messes.
I, on the other hand, am here to tell you specifically about those messes that Novoa leaves. Novoa is just about the last guy a Cubs fan wants to see warming up in the bullpen of a game in which the deficit is fewer than 6 7 10 runs. In his brief time with the Cubs, Novoa has already made a name for soiling himself in every pressure situation that arises. That name is Brown Spot Bob. Thanks, Desipio.
Low Point: July 7, 2005. Remember when you still thought the 2005 Cubs had hope? Even into late June? The Cubs were 40-36 toward the end of June until they went on an 8-game losing streak which included a sweep at Wrigley by the hapless Nationals followed by a 4-game sweep at the hands of the Braves in Atlanta. In the last game of the Atlanta series, Game 2 of a Thursday doubleheader, Novoa came in to protect a 4-3 lead in the bottom of the 8th inning. Novoa likely would have given up the cycle if he’d actually been allowed to face four batters. Instead, he gave up a triple, homer, and single to the first three Braves he faced before he was pulled in favor of Glendon Rusch. Brian McCann bunted his way on in front of a three-run homer by Jeff Francoeur. Novoa’s line for the inning: 3H 3R 3ER 1HR. What happened in the top of the 9th? Jeromy Burnitz struck out looking, Michael Barrett flew out, and Corey Patterson struck out swinging. Look familiar? Boo.
Did You Know? Remember in 2006 when the Mets scored 85 runs in one inning, including 2 grand slams? Novoa gave up 6 of those runs, including the 2nd grand slam and a 2-run homer. Why isn’t this the low point? Well, Sean Marshall had already relinquished the Cubs’ lead with the first grand slam given up in the inning (to new Cub Cliff Floyd). Novoa was just letting them pile on. Congratulations, Roberto. You did something historic. Historically bad, but historic nonetheless.
If you enjoyed this post, please consider leaving a comment or subscribing to Hire Jim Essian to get future articles delivered to your feed reader.
Comments
Farnsy at least I proved valuable enough to stick around the majors. BSB couldn’t even cut it on the hapless Cubs. Maybe he was one of “Dusty’s boys” - no wait, he had to be. No one else would keep this guy in the majors ahead of Weurtz for half a season while Weurtz was posting sub 2 ERA’s in AAA
Kyle F. And at least my girlfriend was hot and worked at Sluggers.
I still remember the time after we won the division and I went over to Hi-Tops and was drinking booze while still in my uniform. Man my pants were tight and sexy.
NSBB Loyal Reader, first time Poster If we package him and Wellemeyer, I think we have a shot at Cabrera. THe Marlins won’t be able to keep him this year, and they’re always looking at picking up pitching, on the cheap.
JD I think the Marlins would probably want a third baseman back in the deal and Scott Moore is too much to give up for Miguel Cabrera.
StPatrick At least Farnsworth gave us the Paul Wilson beatdown. When I’m feeling a little low, I just close my eyes and remember that day…too bad MLB won’t let anybody Youtube it, or I’d watch it every morning.
CT
bocaj
StPatrick
BigFlax
PenFoe
and remeber death is not an option.. which #44 would you rather have on your team?…farnsworthless or bob novoa?..in this case you MIGHT have to take death as an option