Hire Jim Essian

Dear Mr. Kenney: Please stop doing pretty much everything you are doing pertaining to the Chicago Cubs. Love, Everyone

The interwebs are all aflutter about the possibility of the Cubs playing their home games in U.S. Cellular Field throughout the 2013 season. Why? Because the internet is full of lunatics. Despite what Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer say about the 2012 season being a "building" not a "rebuilding," it's a rebuilding. They're not going to be good. Don't get me wrong, I'm likely going to watch more Cubs games this season than I have in the past two seasons combined. I'm excited to watch a team that's been so drastically revamped. I'm loving this offseason, so I'll say it right now. The only thing that would make Theo's first season in Chicago a bigger success would be if they finally admit that putting Band-Aids on Wrigley Field isn't going to work. Rebuild the team; rebuild the park.

I was hoping to see Starlin Castro get his 200th hit at Wrigley Field, so I watched the game today. While he didn't become the first Cub since Juan Motherfucking Pierre to reach 200 hits, there were a couple notes from the game that I found interesting. The paid attendance was just over 30,000. While it is a Wednesday ... Read More

Apparently, there IS something more disgusting than the product the Cubs put on the field this year. And that's the bathrooms at Wrigley Field. But there's ALSO repulsive bullshit in the stuff you've probably had the good sense not to eat for all of these years. Black slime, specifically. Chicago health inspectors found 20 critical violations at 9 ... Read More

I'm idiotically and unfortunately involved in a Cubs ticket package with several other people. Even worse, most of the games I've selected haven't yet taken place. Since the tickets are unsellable, I can basically only give the tickets away or go to the games. The same option was left with Pre, one of the other members of ... Read More

If there's one good thing about the 2011 Cubs season, it's that The Attendance Game has been a lot more interesting. Gone are the days when Pat and Ron could just guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 40,000 people at Wrigley and be within 2,000 fans. Especially not when the Cubs are playing against boring, bad NL Central ... Read More

Well, if you can't beat 'em, get everyone drunk and full of hot dogs so they don't care. Starting next Tuesday, bleacher attendees to all Cubs Tuesday home games are going to be able to treat themselves to three dollar beers. Moreover, bleacher fans will get free t-shirts during Monday games and one dollar hot dogs during Wednesday ... Read More

To quote Tyler Durden, "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." If only the Ricketts were aware that the only thing unique about the product they're peddling is the fact that it's the most futile sports franchise in all of professional sports. ... Read More

The headline of today's Chicago Breaking Sports article is "Cubs 'surprised' by Big Ten rule changes." (HT: Ned Ryerson) Well, no shit. The Rickettses are surprised when the sun comes up in the east every day. They're surprised that Milton Bradley was an asshole. They're surprised that the state of Illinois laughed at their bid ... Read More

Good afternoon, Cubs fans! We take a brief break from HJE's active campaign for me to be the Chicago Cubs' next manager to look back on one of the highlights of the Jim Essian era. It's the 19th anniversary of my win over Lou Piniella and his Cincinnati Reds that I chronicled well enough for you three years ago. Today's even ... Read More