Hire Jim Essian

One of the joys of being unself-employed is the fact that I can disappear on a whim and go salmon fishing in Wisconsin at the drop of a hat. So, I'm doing that. Fishing. Not dropping my hat. I'm going to try to get the BROWSing up, but don't count on it, as it will almost ... Read More

It's going to be late today, folks.� Talk amongst yourselves until then.� Possible topics include the following: How did the Cubs get themselves into a position where they have to start Doug Davis? How lame was Kyle Lohse's Genius impression? What would you rather do today than watch Ryan Dempster pitch? ... Read More

I give credit to you, my lovely HJE readers, that you're not a part of the meatball culture in Chicago. I would like to think that during Sunday's NFC Championship, even if you were initially incensed that Jay Cutler was standing (the absolute NERVE) on the sidelines listening to what appeared to be Fallout Boy on his iPod, that ... Read More

Sorry about the sparcity in posting lately. It's been a busy week, and now I'm out of town. No time for a Roundup this week, so feel free to share your own ridiculous links in the comments. ... Read More

The Zambrano move to the bullpen is impressive for being such a horrific idea that outside of Chicago it's received very little press considering how ridiculous it is.� I guess there's little angle for discussion past a "witty" headline or two when basically every single view point (basic statistics, advanced sabermetrics, historical usage, salary efficiency, common sense) all show that ... Read More

So, there's been a lot of derision of Joe West from the media and people who have blogs over the fact that he thinks the AL East games are way too slow.� I get it from the media guys, because most of them don't watch the games anyways.� And most of the blog writers have nothing else going on.� I ... Read More

I and the rest of the crack staff at HJE need a little bit of a break to get over the swine writer's block that's going around the offices of HJE Enterprises, Inc. Since this is a short week, anyhow, we're going to take the whole week off, recharge our batteries, and come back refreshed next week. Sweet ... Read More

On this Veterans Day, I'd like to take the opportunity to thank all of our brave men and women working so hard right now to defend this great country. I'm pretty sure I always screw this up by forgetting someone (if I do, tell me in the comments, and I'll add you, I swear), but in particular I'd like ... Read More

In case you didn't notice, a few things happened over the weekend. The Cubs sent a message to the NL Central which read, "We're done fucking around." The dynamic duo of dipshits, Steve Stone and David Kaplan, must have had a slumber party during which they prank called the cutest boy in class and started a completely retarded ... Read More

Welcome to the worst day of the year, sports fans. During the day after the All-Star Game, there is absolutely nothing remotely interesting happening in the world of sports. It is...The Least Interesting Day in the World. It makes small talk about the weather, even when it's perfectly sunny outside. It once took out the garbage...without being asked by its ... Read More