Hire Jim Essian

At first blush, Mark Guthrie's statistics as a Cub don't look so bad. However, ask any Cubs pitcher who left a game with runners on in late 2003 who the last person they wanted to see on in relief of them. I'm guessing the answer would be a resounding, "Mark F@#$ing Guthrie." Yes, I am comfortable throwing a guy ... Read More

Which one was Sergio Mitre again? Was he the one with the gimp, the one who mumbled, the leader in the suit, the Baldwin, or the sort of fat, balding one? I'll tell you who he wasn't. He certainly wasn't the sinker ball pitcher who was guaranteed to have tons of success in Wrigley Field. As nice as ground ball ... Read More

It's a credit to modern medicine that a hundred-year-old man can still pitch in the Major Leagues, even if it is just for the Diamondbacks. Remember when Juan Cruz was "the next big thing" for the Cubs? Only the Cubs' "next big thing" would check in at 6'2", 155 lbs. Forget the fact that Cruz was as likely to break a ... Read More

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Before you ask, no, I don't give a shit what Ryan Dempster has done so far this year. I also don't give a shit about Dempster's "brilliant" 2005 season. I. Cannot. Stand. Ryan. Dempster. He's not funny enough to be a comedian, he's not talented enough to be a closer, and he's sure as hell ... Read More

Okay, Mike Remlinger. Come clean, now that you're no longer a Cub. You are a time traveler from the 1900s, right? Seriously. You arrived in 1991 via a time machine that you invented in your laboratory, did you not? You were a baseballer at the turn of the 19th century who was far more skilled than all ... Read More

I sort of feel bad putting Glendon Rusch on the B126. Poor guy. He always did what he was told, he has no chin, and he's a whale. Seriously, though. It's Glendon Rusch. The Cubs' 2004 solution to their 2003 bullpen pitching woes was to sign Glendon Rusch who, the year before, had gone 1-12 with the ... Read More

Bring it on, Nomar Garciaparra defenders. I'm ready to rumble on this one, because there have been very few Cubs more disappointing in recent years than Garciaparra. Damnit, I was so excited on July 31, 2004. Just minutes before the trade deadline, Jim Hendry was able to get rid of Alex Gonzalez. I was giddy as a schoolgirl! ... Read More

Before the HGH. Before the highlight reel catches. Before any semblance of power. Before the Pirates, Mets, Orioles, Padres, Rangers, and Angels. Before the 5-year, $50M contract, Gary Matthews, Jr. was a Cub. A terrible, terrible Cub. The Cubs acquired Sarge, Jr. from the San Diego Padres for Rodney Myers prior to the 2000 season. Matthews almost ... Read More

Don't tell Matt Clement he made The Bottom 126. He's likely to cry. Or is that how he always looks? Let's get something straight right off the bat. Clement wasn't bad as a Cub. In fact, he strung together his three best seasons while in a Cub uniform. So why The Bottom 126? Clement picked up the ... Read More