Hire Jim Essian

Sportswriters everywhere have their wet dream story of the day, as Tony "The Genius" La Russa has retired from baseball. (HT: Ned Ryerson) You're bound to see a lot of flowery language about the legacy that La Russa gave to the game. A written love-fest to one of the biggest assholes in the game of baseball. ... Read More

The World Series is finally upon us. There are only 4-7 baseball games left in the 2011 season before you have to accept the reality that is the Chicago Bears. Tonight, Chris Carpenter will take the hill for the St. Louis Cardinals against C.J. Wilson. I'd like to take a moment to send my sincerest wishes for ... Read More

I was hoping to see Starlin Castro get his 200th hit at Wrigley Field, so I watched the game today. While he didn't become the first Cub since Juan Motherfucking Pierre to reach 200 hits, there were a couple notes from the game that I found interesting. The paid attendance was just over 30,000. While it is a Wednesday ... Read More

I offer you this submission. Never has there been a more hate-worthy Cub shortstop than Ryan Theriot. Not Jeff Blauser. Not Neifi Perez. Not Alex Gonzalez. Not Ronny Cedeno. All of those guys were terrible, but they either had some redeeming moments (Gonzalez), were hated solely because of misuse (Perez), were harmless simpletons (Cedeno), ... Read More

Somewhere in the MLB Network studios, Sean Casey is still running out a double that he hit in 2006, his last year in the National League Central. That double was likely hit against a Cub pitcher. You see, the pudgy, slow-footed, affable Sean Casey did some of the best work of his 12-season career against the Chicago Cubs. ... Read More

Way back in 2002, the Cincinnati Reds revealed a slugger who was supposed to be Sosa- McGwire- and Bonds-esque in his ability to hit home runs. Despite his inability to draw walks, catch and throw a baseball, or either spell or pronounce the name "Willy," Wily Mo Pena was going to team up with Austin Kearns and Adam Dunn ... Read More

You know, the Cardinals flat-out SHOULD have swept the lifeless Cubs this weekend. They're a far better team with a much better starting rotation and offense, even WITH Matt Holliday out. You know what else? Jeff Samardzija's pitch to Albert Pujols on Saturday wasn't THAT bad a pitch. And you know one more thing? HOW ... Read More

It's been four and a half years since the last time you threw a shoe at your TV while Dusty Baker trotted out the following lineup (And won! Seriously.): Juan Pierre Ryan Theriot Jacque Jones Matt Murton John Mabry Henry Blanco Scott Moore Ronny Cedeno Rich Hill It's been three years since you laughed at the idiot Cincinnati Reds for hiring Dusty to manage their flock of young, hard-throwing ... Read More

Now that Adam Wainwright and Zach Greinke are hurt, I'm pretty sure the next-biggest threat to our success in the NL Central is Carlos Silva. So, if you're at your local McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, or Taco Bell, spread some marbles around outside the entrance. He'll fall all over them eventually. You magnificent bastards submitted the highest-quality ... Read More

It's a VERY quiet week this week. Unless, of course, you're Adam Wainwright's shoulder. In that case, you were SCREAMING IN PAIN. With this week's news that Wainwright will be out for the entire 2011 season, is there a possibility that we could actually win the NL Central? Well, no. No, there is not. ... Read More