Hire Jim Essian

I was hoping to see Starlin Castro get his 200th hit at Wrigley Field, so I watched the game today. While he didn't become the first Cub since Juan Motherfucking Pierre to reach 200 hits, there were a couple notes from the game that I found interesting. The paid attendance was just over 30,000. While it is a Wednesday ... Read More

I offer you this submission. Never has there been a more hate-worthy Cub shortstop than Ryan Theriot. Not Jeff Blauser. Not Neifi Perez. Not Alex Gonzalez. Not Ronny Cedeno. All of those guys were terrible, but they either had some redeeming moments (Gonzalez), were hated solely because of misuse (Perez), were harmless simpletons (Cedeno), ... Read More

Somewhere in the MLB Network studios, Sean Casey is still running out a double that he hit in 2006, his last year in the National League Central. That double was likely hit against a Cub pitcher. You see, the pudgy, slow-footed, affable Sean Casey did some of the best work of his 12-season career against the Chicago Cubs. ... Read More

Way back in 2002, the Cincinnati Reds revealed a slugger who was supposed to be Sosa- McGwire- and Bonds-esque in his ability to hit home runs. Despite his inability to draw walks, catch and throw a baseball, or either spell or pronounce the name "Willy," Wily Mo Pena was going to team up with Austin Kearns and Adam Dunn ... Read More

You know, the Cardinals flat-out SHOULD have swept the lifeless Cubs this weekend. They're a far better team with a much better starting rotation and offense, even WITH Matt Holliday out. You know what else? Jeff Samardzija's pitch to Albert Pujols on Saturday wasn't THAT bad a pitch. And you know one more thing? HOW ... Read More

It's been four and a half years since the last time you threw a shoe at your TV while Dusty Baker trotted out the following lineup (And won! Seriously.): Juan Pierre Ryan Theriot Jacque Jones Matt Murton John Mabry Henry Blanco Scott Moore Ronny Cedeno Rich Hill It's been three years since you laughed at the idiot Cincinnati Reds for hiring Dusty to manage their flock of young, hard-throwing ... Read More

Now that Adam Wainwright and Zach Greinke are hurt, I'm pretty sure the next-biggest threat to our success in the NL Central is Carlos Silva. So, if you're at your local McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, or Taco Bell, spread some marbles around outside the entrance. He'll fall all over them eventually. You magnificent bastards submitted the highest-quality ... Read More

It's a VERY quiet week this week. Unless, of course, you're Adam Wainwright's shoulder. In that case, you were SCREAMING IN PAIN. With this week's news that Wainwright will be out for the entire 2011 season, is there a possibility that we could actually win the NL Central? Well, no. No, there is not. ... Read More

I'm not going to lie. I just really wanted to do a Staredad. And here it is, if you can't see it. But feel free to revel in the comments that Albert Pujols has not yet signed with the Cardinals. I'm sure The Best Fans in BaseballTM are rending their overalls and Zubaz, and The Genius ... Read More

If you were looking for an early Christmas present, you just found it. Ryan Theriot will take his invisible racecar to St. Louis, where he will likely be driving it drunk. This is the best thing that has happened to Cubs fans since the Reds hired Dusty Baker. The Cardinals just slipped from second place in the ... Read More