Hire Jim Essian

Remember that one scene from The Rock where the dude from Out for Justice and the dude from Con Air are trying to convince Sean Connery to help them break into Alcatraz to stop the dude from The Abyss and the dude from The Green Mile from firing V.X. gas rockets at the city from the Rice-A-Roni commercials? And remember how ... Read More

I had tried for many, many years to get tickets for the Cubs home opener at face value. For many, many years I failed. Then, in 2004, I found success. I was able to grab four tickets to the home opener against the Pittsburgh Pirates. Greg Maddux was scheduled to pitch in Cub pinstripes for the ... Read More

Will Ohman, you are a damn fool. When I was originally drafting this list, you were, without a doubt, going to be on it. As the list was modified and people were shifted, you managed to skyrocket yourself to Top 30 status. Well done, tubby. I hate LOOGYs. Hate them. I find it absurd that these ... Read More

I'll be the first to admit that putting Phil Nevin so high on The Bottom 126 is completely irrational, but GOD DAMN did I hate Phil Nevin. Nevin dragged his rotting carcass of to the Cubs during the 2006 season to play first base after Rafael Furcal tore Derrek Lee's arm clean off his body. How nice of him. ... Read More

Did you ever see the movie For Love of the Game? I remember hating it when I saw it in the theater, but I was talked into watching it again just a few months ago. The second viewing reminded me of all the reasons why I hated it. The terrible acting. The prominent role the Yankees ... Read More

I remember a few years ago when Ronny Cedeno was first protected from the Rule V draft by Jim Hendry. I remember thinking to myself, "Why the hell is Hendry wasting a spot on the Cubs' 40-man roster on this clown?" Some things never change. Cedeno is still wasting a spot on the Cubs' 40-man roster, only now he's also wasting ... Read More

Ron Santo is in the hospital right now with an irregular heartbeat due to a sequence of events started by none other than #33 on The Bottom 126 and #14,263,086 in your hearts, Brant Brown. Certainly, Brown was more talented than many of the guys who have come before him on The Bottom 126. But he certainly wasn't talented enough ... Read More

Roosevelt Brown was supposed to be the Cubs' own Glenallen Hill, right? Crappy defense made up for at the plate with prodigious power. A National League DH, through and through. That didn't work out too well. Brown was too good for the Iowa Cubs, yet brutal in the Major Leagues, which had to have been ridiculously frustrating for the Cubs ... Read More

So, Jason Dubois talked like Karl Childers, hit like Carl Spackler, and likes Hot Carls (maybe). What's not to like about him? Oh, right. His statistics. Another acceptable answer would have been "The fact that everyone at the four-letter site was in love with him." In case you're reading this, Jason. I don't care what you say. ... Read More

Okay, Jason Marquis. You win. The minute you were signed, I had #36 on The Bottom 126 all warmed up and ready for you. But I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong, Jason. You've shocked me so far, and now I'm forced to turn my anger to the awfulness of Wade Miller. Look, everyone hates Mark ... Read More