Lists
T79 #61: Jeff Conine “The Barbarian”
Jeff Conine has been beating up on the Cubs since before you were born. At least if you’re in high school. Conine’s seventeen-year career was marked by consistency. You were pretty safe counting on Conine for about a .285/.350/.450 line throughout the course of his career. Unless, of course, he was [...]
Bye-Bye Bob?
The Milwaukee Brewers, who change managers three times more frequently than Jiffy Lube recommends you change your oil, are reportedly interviewing Cubs television commentator Bob Brenly, who managed the Diamondbacks to the 2001 World Series title before spending the last four seasons in the Cubs booth.
Brenly has made no secret of his desire to manage [...]
T79 #62: Howard Johnson “Hotel and Lodge”
This five-foot-eleven-inch, former third baseman is spacious, bright, and cheery. With convenient locations in Detroit, New York, Colorado, and Chicago, there is always availability at #62 on The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #63: Jose Luis Pimental “Patient” Vizcaino
Jose Vizcaino spent all but 121 games of his 18-season Major League career in the National League, much to the chagrin of the Chicago Cubs. Vizcaino spent the majority of his career, which included three seasons as a Cub, as a utility infielder. A generally light-hitting utility infielder (his most-similar batter according to [...]
B126 #1B: Jim “I Wish You Were D”Edmonds
Congratulations, Jim Edmonds! You haven’t played a single game as a Chicago Cub. You haven’t pissed and moaned about a single called third strike in blue pinstripes. You haven’t taken a circuitous route and a completely unnecessary dive to catch a single fly ball as a home player in front of the [...]
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #64: Tom Foley “Cow, He Was a Nuisance”
Tom Foley’s numbers against the Cubs aren’t particularly good. Of course, Foley’s numbers against everyone else aren’t particularly good, either. But anyone who followed the Cubs in the 80s and early 90s remembers what a pain in the ass the pesky little shortstop was. Pain enough to come in at #64 on [...]
The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #65: Jason “Has the Genitals of a” Kendall
Oh, Jason Kendall. Unlike a lot of other people, I actually didn’t mind it when the Cubs acquired you last summer. For one thing, at least you could catch the damn ball behind the plate. For another, it meant that there was no chance the Cubs would have to pitch against you. [...]
T79 #66: Craig Biggio “My God, Chip Caray Wants to Bang You”
Was there any greater satisfaction during the 2007 season than knowing each Cubs-Astros game crossed off the calendar meant that there was one less opportunity for Craig Biggio to torment the Cubs? For two full decades, Chip Caray’s favorite player, “The Beeg,” with his absurdly oversized jersey and his penchant for leaning into pitches [...]
Top Twenty Baserunning Blunders
Of course, because this is the Cubs we’re talking about, this could be an annual list, a collection of the top 20 baserunning blunders for each season. As it is, we here at Hire Jim Essian! have sifted through the history books and our own personal memories to provide the twenty situations that clearly stand [...]
Stop The Presses! An Addendum To The HBP List
Thanks to the heavy lifting of the incomparable TJ Brown, we are able to present an additional 5 HBP’s for the list below. Since TJ knocked Sherman out of the way and joined Mister Peabody for a ride in the “Wayback Machine”, we’re actually able to make this addition to the original list the “World Series [...]
CT
bocaj
BigFlax
StPatrick
TDubbs