Hello, internet friends. The end of the year is nearly upon us! The biggest story of the Cubs’ offseason so far has been the inking of doubles machine Ron Coomer to the WGN radio gig. I’m glad Coomer got the job. Not because I think he’ll be good. He may be. I don’t know. I’ve never heard the guy. But at least Todd Hollandsworth won’t be guffawing up the broadcast. I can’t wait to hear how Pat Hughes introduces him. Santo was “Cub legend.” Moreland was “former Cubs star.” Coomer must be “former Cub backup third baseman.” I wonder how many lonely, confused, blue-haired widows are going to send a very confusing fax confessing their love for the new Ron. Based on his attendance game picks, Pat is going with a cool dozen.
If it seems like I’ve been neglecting you, I HAVE. You know. Life ‘n’ junk. Plus, now that the new Xbox is out, don’t expect daddy to come home straight from work any time soon. If only UPS would get here.
Hire Jim Essian has now been around for the hiring of Mike Quade, Dale Sveum, and Rick Renteria, and the Cubs haven’t even INTERVIEWED Skip. I’m starting to think I’m wasting my life. Eh. I’d probably just fritter the extra time away playing Tiny Death Star, anyhow. Welcome to November, the month where Quade-like dudes like me get really embarrassed explaining why we aren’t growing mustaches. I skipped shaving the upper lip for about four days, and I look like a high school sophomore. LINE UP, LADIES.
Thanks(?) to Da Chief and Barstool Sports for providing me with the delightful picture of infamous dipshit Ryan Dempster. Might as well dress like a clown if you’re going to act like one all the time, I guess. I haven’t watched a single second of the World Series to this point, and I plan on keeping it that way. So Dempster could have worn that suit on the field for all I know. I heard there was an atrocious call in Game One that got reversed, so I’m assuming not only are both teams in the Series terrible pieces of shit, but so are the umpires! Hooray! I’m going to make this Roundup quick, and I’m going to make it dirty. I know I normally take great care in editing these things, so forgive my errors and omissions.
It’s going to be Red Sox-Cardinals, guys. Get used to that reality. Really let it sink in. And then buy booze. Lots and lots of booze. Or, just cancel your cable like I did and avoid the whole damn thing.
The Cincinnati Reds finally figured out what the San Francisco Giants and Chicago Cubs already knew. Dusty Baker is a cartoonish, narcissistic oaf who can’t manage baseball teams or personalities. The Reds fired Baker today, which would be hilarious if the Cubs weren’t looking for a manager. (HT: Pre) Unfortunately for the Cubs, not only are the Reds another suitor the managerial candidates out there, but also it’s going to be hard for the Reds to hire someone worse than Baker. Though I think they could probably pry Bobby Valentine away from Sacred Heart. The biggest winner in today’s firing is Johnny Cueto’s arm.
Welp, here we are at the end of another season. We had some laughs. We shared some tears. We watched ten minutes of baseball. The races weren’t even really that compelling this season, which was a bit disappointing. Though I still think the addition of yet another wild card team to each league is stupid, […]
Hello, internet people. This Roundup is very video-heavy, so I’m sorry if you’re at work. Actually, I’m not. You should probably be working. Or at least calling in sick to play GTAV. I’ve managed to hold off buying it so far, but my resolve is crumbling. You can, apparently, compete in a triathlon in the game, which seems far easier than competing in an actual triathlon.
Baseball is a superstitious game. Friday the 13th is a superstitious day, for some reason. So don’t blame the Cubs if they figure out a way to lose TWO games today. Hey, if it helps the Pirates win the NL Central, I’m all for it. Maybe I’m jaded by the internet now, but there weren’t many links that grabbed my interest. Instead of wasting your valuable (heh heh) time with filler, I’ll just keep this Roundup short.
Kids nearly falling down is almost always funny. Do you like all the qualifiers I put into that sentence? GRAMMAR TRICKS, FOLKS. The Bears return this weekend against the Cincinnati Bengals, who apparently have the best defense the NFL has ever seen. My prediction: Bears: 45, Bengals: -2, but Jay Cutler makes a frowny face […]