Hire Jim Essian

This is a reminder for those lucky nine of you who signed up for Razzball/Neifiball/Antisy Baseball. The draft is at 8:00 p.m. CST tonight. If you can't make the draft, be sure to pre-rank your players. It's WAY more important to pre-rank in Neifiball than it is in any other fantasy draft. You don't want to be the dope who doesn't pre-draft and ends up with a team of scrubs like Verlander, Trout, and Stanton, DO YOU???

A long time ago, I thought I had the clever idea to try to assemble the worst fantasy baseball team possible. It was significantly more difficult than assembling a good team, because you had to balance terrible performance with many at-bats or innings pitched. It was called "Neifiball" because Dusty Baker is a fucking idiot. As I later learned, Razzball had already established better rules for Neifiball, and they have graciously invited HJE readers to join in the last couple of years. They're doing it again this year. So, go sign up here.

Happy Halloween, everyone! I hope you enjoyed your day of consequence-free sluttiness. Please resume your regular 364-day schedule of consequence-full sluttiness.

If your "regular" fantasy baseball draft is coming up soon, and you have a bunch of questions about which Cubs players you should draft, what the fuck is wrong with you? But your answers are here. The theme, for the most part, is to draft Matt Garza. Mostly because he won't be a Cub for too long. That is all.

I must not do a bad enough job writing the Cubs fantasy baseball preview for Grey over at Razzball, because he once again invited you fine readers of HJE into the Razzball Leagues. The guys over there perfected the goal that Neifiball is trying to accomplish: the assemblage of the worst team of baseball everyday players possible.

If you signed up for Neifiball, check your e-mail. (1) I'm shocked how many people actually have Yahoo e-mail addresses. Is it 2001? (2) I can't tell if two of the "I'm ins" in the comments were sarcastic or not. If they weren't, we have 10 players and four dummy teams, which is perfect. ... Read More

Thanks to morpheus for reminding me that the MLB season starts in a week and that we should probably, you know, get Neifiball going some time soon. I'm stealing the setup instructions that Rudy from Razzball does so well. League Rules * 10 Team Leagues, MLB universe, uses Yahoo! position eligibility * Weekly Roster ... Read More

I know you're as excited as I am that not-meaningful baseball finally begins this afternoon. As has become the tradition over the past couple of years, we will be doing another Neifiball league. The guys at Razzball have very generously invited us to participate in their league again. They care more about their readers than I do ... Read More

If you recall last year, the fine folks at Razzball allowed us to borrow their anti-fantasy rules for the Neifiball League, to great success. At the time, I told you that you are all a bunch of stupid jerks if you don't immediately put Razzball into your feed readers and bookmarks. I don't endorse a lot of sites, ... Read More

Hi to the greatest group of overemployed literates this side of the San Francisco Bay! It's me, Skip. Lou sent me a quick e-mail this morning, and I thought I'd help him out: From: Lou Piniella Sent: Friday, April 17, 2009 11:29 AM To: Jim Essian Subject: Roundup Essian, No, nothing new has opened up here, for Christ's sake. Hey, I've got ... Read More