Hire Jim Essian

In honor of the happiest time of the year, they have made today, April 3, Armenian Appreciation Day. It's noted on Geocities, so it's got to be true. It's no secret that I'm fiercely proud of my Armenian heritage, so much so that I sensed shenanigans when HJE went out the other day? Hmm, a site dedicated to re-employ ... Read More

Did you answer Michael Barrett and Mark Prior? Then I have a treat for you! The Cubs took on the Padres on Easter Sunday. There were notable ex-Cubs on the Padres roster, including Future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux. Hell, even the likable former Cub Glendon Rusch is a non-roster invitee in the Padres' camp. ... Read More

I'm not going to lie. I haven't been too pleased with the lineups Lou has proposed this week. Despite his fascination with Ryan Theriot at the top of the lineup, though, Lou is still the cream of the NL Central managers. If you look around at the rest of the NL Central's skippers, you'll find some real ... Read More

Section 242 sent me a link to a story about Rick Sutcliffe's battle with colon cancer. I'm sure he and his family could use the prayers. Good luck, Rick. You're one of my favorite Cub pitchers of all time, and a guy with whom I'd like to share a beer. ... Read More

On Monday, we had a little fun with with Dustyology. Let's hope we're still laughing in August. Anyway, my inspiration for writing that entry was based on the idea that Dusty is possibly angling for a Drano endorsement(because he really does use the terms "clogging the bases" like it's a trademark). Sadly, I have no visual editing skills whatsoever to bring ... Read More

It's a little bit down the list in these Notes , so I'll just reprint it here. I have to. It's so freaking hilarious that it'd be a sin not to. Not down with OBP: Baker has repeatedly talked about the desire to have a do-it-all leadoff hitter with speed. What kinds of hitters is he looking for further down the ... Read More

With baseball villain Roger Clemens digging a deeper and deeper grave for himself, one happy thought has been running through my mind. If Clemens' is guilty of using performance-enhancing drugs, that makes Greg Maddux the greatest pitcher of the modern era. I'm sure if you posted such a declaration on the Sons of Sam Horn message board, the cries of, ... Read More

The mighty Forklift has told me the story�at least 7 times by now�about Billy Williams� 1972 season, and how he got hosed in that season� MVP voting, which went Johnny Bench�s way. Fork has always referred to this as Billy�s Susquehanna Hat Company, meaning that mention of the 1972 travesty automatically, regardless of the situation, kick-starts Billy into a ... Read More

Being the generous and angry people that we are here at HJE, we took it upon ourselves to compose a letter on behalf of Andre Dawson, which he is more than welcome to print on his letterhead and mail to all the voters who didn't deem him Hall of Fame-worthy: Dear Hall of Fame Voter: Nice job. You elected the wrong ... Read More

Thanks a lot for not giving the Hawk his plaque. There will be blood for this travesty, you old assholes. There will be blood. ... Read More