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Category: Ex-Cubs (page 12 of 19)

Assistant to the General Manager

If you were too busy listening to that mutant Mark McGwire cry about how nobody understands what it’s like to make millions of dollars by drowning oneself in a sea of steroids, you missed some big Cubs news. In what will likely be the best move the Cubs have made since Jim Hendry used the pen from his doctor’s EKG chart to sign Ted Lilly, the Cubs somehow managed to convince Greg Maddux that he should hitch his wagon to their dying star as Assistant to the General Manager. In the course of a week, Andre Dawson was elected to the Hall of Fame, Mark McGwire was publicly shamed and cried like a big sissy in front of Bob Costas, and Greg Maddux is, once again, a Cub.

If there is cosmic balance, and if you believe that good luck and bad luck evens out, Cubs fans are in for a miserable, miserable 2010 season.

Friday Night Fukudome: Santo vs. Sosa

No matter which cap he ends up wearing on his plaque, Andre Dawson will be the next Cub enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame. If you’re like me, his induction might get you thinking about tonight’s Friday Night Fukudome.

Ron Santo Sammy Sosa

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Skip’s Comment of the Week: January 8, 2010

It’s that time of week again, gang. The time of week when we crown a champion. Someone worthy to carry the weight that comes with the bearer of the title of “Comment of the Week.”

In keeping with the theme of the week, this week’s winner commented about none other than Hall of Famer, Andre Dawson. Blueslacker has been bringing the heat with his/her comments, but I particularly enjoyed this one in defense of the “excuse” about Dawson’s knees:

I’m pretty sure it was Roger Mason whom Dawson threw out at first on what should have been a single, on that day when the Hawk also went 5-5 and, apparently, some dude from the internet sat with a hot blonde. Great day indeed. Re: “He wouldn’t have been the next Willie Mays with or without bum knees,” that’s probably true (although I don’t think people who never saw him play appreciate just what a phenom Hawk was, even late in his career) but let me just add another semi-relevant thought experiment–Imagine how much love he’d have gotten if he’d played for the Mets and the Yankees instead of the Expos and the mid 80s Cubs. He was no Willie Mays (who was?) but bad knees or not he was a Duke Snider and a half. Plus, I’ve heard enough Yankees fans kvetch about how Mantle would have hit 900 homers if not for *his* knees so, you know, what’s good forthe ( drunken speed freak) goose is good for the Hawk. One last note, I always loved the fact that Dawson took like a 50% pay cut because he wanted to play in Wrigley.

Well said, my friend. Congratulations, blueslacker!

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “HAT FIGHT!” Edition

Now that Andre Dawson is going to be inducted into the Hall of Fame, the war is on (HT: David Chalk). Will he wear a Cubs hat on his Cooperstown plaque, or an Expos hat? I vote for no hat at all, and just let that sweet Jheri curl fly. We’re happily back to a normal Roundup schedule, a Roundup which would not be possible without your love notes and tips.
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Cub Favorite Should Be Enshrined

At 1:00 this afternoon, one of your favorite Cubs will find out if, at long last, his name will be enshrined in Cooperstown. A member of the 400+ Home Run Club, he made his way to Chicago later in his career to the delight of the fans at Wrigley Field. Two years after his arrival in Chicago, the Cubs made the playoffs.
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New Year’s Resolutions: 2010 Edition

Since “everyone” on the “staff” at HJE has managed to achieve social perfection, “we” decided to (not really) ask for the New Year’s resolutions of your favorite Cubs (including new Cub Marlon Byrd). And your least favorite Cubs. And some other people.
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Sweet Uncle Lou’s “Friday” Roundup: The “Chicago Folk Heroes United” Edition

Well, well, well. The two greatest baseball players in Chicago history are finally united in San Francisco. The Giants’ signing of Mark DeRosa unites the stubbly heartthrob with Aaron Rowand, who made ladies swoon over the “run face-first into a wall” move before Reed Johnson thought of it. Thus, the 2010 Giants became an unstoppable juggernaut. It’s been slow around here lately, but all of our New Year’s resolutions are to post more often, finish the damn T79, and just generally be the best damn HJE we can possibly be. Thanks, as always, for the tips. Have a safe and happy New Year’s celebration, and I will see you in 2010.
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Friday Night Fukudome: Hendry vs. Silva

Still fuming over the Milton Bradley-for-Carlos Silva trade? Me TOO! I’m going to throw back a few beers and try to forget that today ever happened. But first, let’s toss my two least-favorite people in the world into the HATEUDOME- er, Fukudome!

Jim Hendry Carlos Silva

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A-Ram Baller Becomes a White Sox Fan

That's good bunting form.Christmas came early to Sox-hating Cubs fans this year. The Los Angeles Dodgers have just traded Juan Pierre to the Chicago White Sox. If you were here for the Bottom 126, you will recall that my entry on Pierre touched off one of the hottest, one-sided debates in HJE history.

Welcome back to Chicago, Juan. May your balls roll true, may your automatic first-pitch fake bunt be convincing, and may your over-sized uniform be billowy.

Skip’s Comment of the Week: December 11, 2009

Boy, oh, boy. How long has it been since old Skip posted a Comment of the Week? Days? Weeks? Months? YEARS!? Mea culpa, ladies and gentlemen. Like a phoenix rising from Joe Altobelli’s ashes, I have returned for this week’s…

Few things make me chuckle more than a commenter who stumbles onto HJE, has no idea what’s going on, reads one article, and gets offended by it. Generally, that person knows someone from the B126 or the T79, and is here to defend his honor!

That’s why you are this week’s winner, Kyle Douglass. On the Ryan Klesko T79 entry, you penned this beauty:

I personally know Klesko and he is one of the only standup guys I ever met..He is sown to earth and cares about people..being a pro atherlete NEVER pretenious..loves kids and kicked ass on the field…get a life…what do you do for a living wwrite a sorry column….come on buddie read a book and learn and dont waste anybody else time/energy on your jealous BS!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, Kyle. Kermit is jealous of Klesko, because he could use a flunkie like you. Writing HJE “for a living” isn’t paying the bills. With you running around defending his honor, Kermit would have time to get a real job! Maybe Kermit should read more books so he can one day be as smart as Ryan Klesko! If he reads enough, he may someday discover the meaning of the words “atherlete” or “pretenious” or “buddie.” Or perhaps he can unlock the mystery of how one man can be stitched TO THE EARTH ITSELF!

Congratulations, Kyle Douglass!