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Archive | Ex-Cubs

The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #50: Scott Downs “Syndrome”

Thursday, March 18, 2010

0 Comments

If there’s one thing that’s absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it’s their mystifying inability to hit left-handed pitching. No, scratch that. If there’s one thing that’s absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it’s their 102-year championship drought. Number two is the other thing with the left-handers. A couple of offseasons ago, when [...]

The Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time #51: Jeff “Eff” Fassero

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

6 Comments

Ed. Note: When I’m long gone from this world and tales are told of what I did to make a difference in this life, no one will have an answer that doesn’t, at some point, use the phrase “dick joke.” Whether I leave a legacy in the expanding world of penis jokes or [...]

At Long Last, Introducing Dishonorary B126er Milton “You Sank Our Battleship” Bradley

Thursday, March 11, 2010

32 Comments

(Ed. Note: This post was all set to go up on Wednesday. And then Milton, in one of the most appropriately-timed tantrums of all time, decided to throw the good people of Chicago under the bus AGAIN. Thanks, Milton, for being the rule that proves that there is absolutely nothing exceptional about [...]

Friday Night Fukudome: Bradley vs. Hundley

Friday, March 5, 2010

12 Comments

Milton Bradley plays baseball for a living. Yet, somehow, he is one of the unhappiest, most petulant assholes on the planet. And it’s all YOUR fault that he is. YOUR fault. Die, Milton, you son of a bitch. When you blame the fans you put yourself in some elite company, [...]

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Love, Or Possibly Sinatro, Is in the Air” Edition

Friday, February 12, 2010

9 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day weekend, virgins! The only thing sadder than getting shot down by desperate cougars at your local taverns tomorrow night is- Well, nothing. That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. May your failure at the bars be as epically hilarious as a Ryan Dempster Game One playoff start. [...]

Skip’s Comment of the Week: February 5, 2010

Friday, February 5, 2010

1 Comment

Howdy, gang! We had an awful lot of comments from which to choose this week, but one stood out above the rest, and it’s from our old pal A-Ram Baller in the “Paul Sullivan burned my Bible” post. A-Ram does what we should all do every once in a while. Poke a little fun [...]

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Peace, Love, Dopes” Edition

Friday, February 5, 2010

3 Comments

Sigh. I leave you guys for one week, and all hell breaks loose around here. Can’t you nerds just realize that you’re all nerds and embrace one another at the next Star Trek convention? Or do MORE than hug? Look, for a bunch of people who root for a team that [...]

Sosa Urges Banks to Come Clean

Thursday, January 28, 2010

15 Comments

Earlier this week, Ernie Banks urged Sammy Sosa to come clean about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Rather than take the advice of the Cub Hall of Famer, Sosa instead urged Banks to reveal that he is moonlighting as annoying, self-appointed Cub mascot, Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers.

Google Mining the Cubs

Monday, January 25, 2010

4 Comments

As you know, I love being right at the absolute forefront of all your base are belong to us internet memes, so when I saw that Google mining became popular about six months ago, I jumped right on that trend! Some of the things you can learn about people from their Google habits should [...]

Slamming Sammy Sosa

Thursday, January 21, 2010

25 Comments

I cannot get Mark McGwire out of my head. I felt his tears in the freezing rain last night. I see his pores in every bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I remember his 62nd home run with every fat child I lift over my head. I won’t be able to look [...]

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