If there’s one thing that’s absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it’s their mystifying inability to hit left-handed pitching. No, scratch that. If there’s one thing that’s absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it’s their 102-year championship drought. Number two is the other thing with the left-handers. A couple of offseasons ago, when [...]
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Ed. Note: When I’m long gone from this world and tales are told of what I did to make a difference in this life, no one will have an answer that doesn’t, at some point, use the phrase “dick joke.” Whether I leave a legacy in the expanding world of penis jokes or [...]
Thursday, March 11, 2010
(Ed. Note: This post was all set to go up on Wednesday. And then Milton, in one of the most appropriately-timed tantrums of all time, decided to throw the good people of Chicago under the bus AGAIN. Thanks, Milton, for being the rule that proves that there is absolutely nothing exceptional about [...]
Friday, March 5, 2010
Milton Bradley plays baseball for a living. Yet, somehow, he is one of the unhappiest, most petulant assholes on the planet. And it’s all YOUR fault that he is. YOUR fault. Die, Milton, you son of a bitch. When you blame the fans you put yourself in some elite company, [...]
Friday, February 12, 2010
Happy Valentine’s Day weekend, virgins! The only thing sadder than getting shot down by desperate cougars at your local taverns tomorrow night is- Well, nothing. That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. May your failure at the bars be as epically hilarious as a Ryan Dempster Game One playoff start. [...]
Friday, February 5, 2010
Howdy, gang! We had an awful lot of comments from which to choose this week, but one stood out above the rest, and it’s from our old pal A-Ram Baller in the “Paul Sullivan burned my Bible” post. A-Ram does what we should all do every once in a while. Poke a little fun [...]
Friday, February 5, 2010
Sigh. I leave you guys for one week, and all hell breaks loose around here. Can’t you nerds just realize that you’re all nerds and embrace one another at the next Star Trek convention? Or do MORE than hug? Look, for a bunch of people who root for a team that [...]
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Earlier this week, Ernie Banks urged Sammy Sosa to come clean about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Rather than take the advice of the Cub Hall of Famer, Sosa instead urged Banks to reveal that he is moonlighting as annoying, self-appointed Cub mascot, Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers.
Monday, January 25, 2010
As you know, I love being right at the absolute forefront of all your base are belong to us internet memes, so when I saw that Google mining became popular about six months ago, I jumped right on that trend! Some of the things you can learn about people from their Google habits should [...]
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I cannot get Mark McGwire out of my head. I felt his tears in the freezing rain last night. I see his pores in every bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I remember his 62nd home run with every fat child I lift over my head. I won’t be able to look [...]
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"I wanted to go into my home run trot,
Skip in 1977, after hitting his first |
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Thursday, March 18, 2010
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