Hire Jim Essian

After a long series of fate-deciding coin flips, Tom Ricketts has decided to make Wunderkind Theo Epstein the next general manager of the Chicago Cubs. I feel like I should be more excited than I am, but I'm mostly just filled with dread for several reasons. Theo's going to show up, look around, and be all, "WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ... Read More

I haven't had the opportunity to watch Catching Hell, the horrible documentary on Steve Bartman. I feel obligated to do so, despite the fact that I've seen the infamous play more times than I've seen The Big Lebowski. Which is to say, a lot of times. Bartman has been through a lot, which is why it was ... Read More

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

Today, Pre pointed out to me an interesting clause in Carlos Zambrano's contract. From Cot's Baseball Contracts: Zambrano receives 2013 player option if 1) he is first or second in 2011 Cy Young vote or if he finishes in top 4 in 2012 Cy Young vote and 2) he is healthy at end of 2012 Zambrano's player option is $19.25M. That means ... Read More

I was hoping to see Starlin Castro get his 200th hit at Wrigley Field, so I watched the game today. While he didn't become the first Cub since Juan Motherfucking Pierre to reach 200 hits, there were a couple notes from the game that I found interesting. The paid attendance was just over 30,000. While it is a Wednesday ... Read More

Before we dive knuckles-first into this week's Muskbox, it's my duty to point out that tickets to tonight's compelling Cubs-Reds matchup are currently selling for ONE DOLLAR AND FORTY-EIGHT CENTS on StubHub. (HT: Ned Ryerson) If you've been waiting to see Rodrigo Lopez pitch, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. SIDE NOTE: Anyone need two tickets for tonight's game? Face ... Read More

As you're all aware by now, on Sunday night Bobby Valentine went on a 7-minute tirade about what a lazy player Starlin Castro is when compared to Darwin Barney. Yes, it looked terrible when Castro was facing the third-base line as Jeff Samardzija delivered a pitch. But then Bobby went off the deep end for a lot of ... Read More

When I saw there was a new Muskbox, I naturally assumed it would be filled with questions about the future of Carlos Zambrano. If there's one thing the Muskbox can do, however, it's surprise you. There's not a single damn thing in this week's Muskbox about Zambrano. What a helpful feature! Have you heard anything to suggest the ... Read More

Well, it's still Jim Hendry day, and old Jim made a few good moves during his time. No question, however, the two best moves he made were (1) trading Bobby Hill, Matt (hee hee!) Bruback, and Jose Hernandez to the Pittsburgh Pirates for Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton; and (2) trading Hee Seop Choi to the Florida Marlins for ... Read More

I'm idiotically and unfortunately involved in a Cubs ticket package with several other people. Even worse, most of the games I've selected haven't yet taken place. Since the tickets are unsellable, I can basically only give the tickets away or go to the games. The same option was left with Pre, one of the other members of ... Read More