An Irish Wake for the 2015 Cubs

Today we gather not to mourn the loss of the 2015 Chicago Cubs, but to celebrate their life. We knew you for a far-too-short 199 days. I remember watching your birth on a chilly Sunday night in Chicago. Even though it wasn’t that long ago, it felt like a lifetime. […]

May the wind be always blowing out.

Eamus Catuli

What if, Though?

For all intents and purposes, the Cubs are done. The average team age is around 18, so they didn’t run out of gas. They shouldn’t have realistically been here, so they didn’t choke. They’re not imbeciles, so they’re not cursed. They’ve run up against an extremely hot hitter, some elite pitching, and some very poorly-timed slumps from their star players. With the way these two teams have played, the Mets deserve to be up 3-0.

You're goddamn right.

The 2015 Cubs Signature Moments

There are dozens of reasons to love the 2015 Cubs that have already been covered ad nauseam. I’ve watched more Cubs baseball this year than I think I have in the past seven years combined. If you’re like me, you’re not going to accomplish anything before 7:08 CST tonight. One […]

BREAKING: Rooftop Contract Shockingly Not Written in Crayon 2

Dave Kaplan got his hands on the contract the Cubs signed with the rooftop owners. Dave Kaplan wrote a 2,000+ word essay breaking down the contract. I wrote a million-word fisking of his breakdown of the contract. THE CIRCLLLLLLLE OF LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE! Thanks to Section 242 for the tip.

The only seats "in" the house worse than Yellon's.

Carrie Muskat

The Muskbox Yearns for More Steals; WE MISS YOU, JUAN PIERRE!!! 3

The Muskbox is here to solve all of the Cubs’ third-base problems… or something. What that solution is, is hard to define. But if there’s one thing our resident librarian knows how to do, it’s define words. And phrases. And idioms. And shush people. And hand out detentions. And stamp books. And keep Ed Hartig fed and watered.

The Muskbox Resolves Not to Talk About Uniforms, Immediately Breaks Resolution

Have you lost weight since the first of the year? Have you switched to e-cigarettes like an utter douchebag? Are you on the wagon? Have you been practicing guitar every day? How are your resolutions going? Probably better than the Muskbox’s, assuming her resolution was to use the Muskbox for helpful informational purposes in 2014. The new year brings a new Box. Same as the old Box.

Carrie Muskat

Essies Trophy

The 2013 Essies 2

What a year the 2013 Cubs had! They avoided 100 losses, they fired their dull manager, they hired a new dull manager, and they watched Tony LaRussa get voted into the Hall of Fame. On this, the day after you drank alcohol and probably said something stupid to a hot girl, let’s give out some inaugural year-end awards. WELCOME TO THE ESSIES!

The Muskbox is a Commercial

This week’s Muskbox is filled with wonderful Cub fan stereotypes. There’s the fan arguing which bad catcher is less bad. There’s the guy obsessed with speed over all else. There’s a 500-pound monster. It’s not the Muskbox we want. It’s the Muskbox we need.