Eagle-eyed reader betterorworse originally pointed me to the captioned picture. And then ‘Duk gave us some more information about it. “Minor League Guy” is one of the Cardinals’ best prospects. Can you imagine the nerve if Comcast Sports Net had DARED called Felix Pie, “Fast Guy Who Grabs His Crotch a Lot”?
The Muskbox has this thing about changing days, changing locations, and changing formats. The only thing that remains consistent with the Muskbox is the awful content. I don’t know if Carrie is trying to shake me off her scent or if her webhost is rejecting her insane content. Whatever the issue may be, this week’s Muskbox is tucked away in Carrie’s Muskblog. BUT I FOUND IT.
The headline writers at the Chicago Tribune generally do a pretty good job coming up with descriptions of Phil Rogers’ nonsense that actually make the nonsense seem readable. But there are times when no amount of creative juice can hide the fact that Phil Rogers is a terrible writer during the full swing of the baseball season, so during the offseason he has to write dreck like, “A year later, what was point of Garza trade?”
If there’s one thing Carrie Muskat is obsessed with, it’s bobby pins. If there are two things she is obsessed with, those things are bobby pins and tiny, bad baseball players. That’s probably why her last two articles have had more Tony Campana in them than his baseball hat does. Yes, this week’s Muskbox is seriously discussing a guy who really shouldn’t be on the roster by the end of February. Love the Muskbox or hate it. At least it’s consistent.
If you’re interested in all things Geovany Soto, Brett Jackson, and Adrian Cardenas, well, this week’s Muskbox is right up your alley! Also, if you’re still hankering for chat about Koyie Hill, you’re absolutely mental. But Carrie has answers to all the questions that you were frightened to ask. Except for questions about sex. Those questions are sick and wrong, and you’re getting a little old for them, quite frankly.
Only one week after my mockery of the pre-Muskbox blurb, said blurb has gone missing from this week’s Muskbox! What lies in store for future Muskboxes? Will Carrie finally get a cubs.com e-mail address? Will a thought-provoking question get a researched, insightful answer? Will Carrie let her hair down? There is only one way to find out, and unfortunately it involves me continuing to read the Muskbox!
If the Muskbox is a competition, someone has finally won it. The prize? Free dinner with Carrie! The losers all won free breakfast with Carrie. In all my years of fisking the Muskbox, I have finally arrived at not only the dumbest question ever asked, but also a response so silent regarding the stupidity, that it echoes throughout the ages. I hope you’re seated for this week’s Muskbox, because who the hell stands at a desk, anyhow? Dwight Schrute?
After a week of mediocrity in the Muskbox, the dummies are back out in full force. As I have long feared, Muskbox Nation still has no idea that Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer are trying to build a franchise capable of long-term, sustained success. The Muskboxers want to WIN NOW, and will accept nothing less than a first-place finish in the National League Central. Theo might want to avoid the Cub Convention this weekend entirely if he doesn’t want to have to answer questions like, “HOW COME ANGEL GUZMAN ISN’T INVOLVED IN THE LONG-TERM PLANS?”
The first Muskbox of the new year picks up right where the last Muskbox of the old year left off. In a world of confusion, unanswered questions, and broken promises. However, to avoid you a horrible heart attack this early into the new year, I must warn you. Hidden deep in the recesses of the Muskbox lies an honest-to-goodness solid question AND answer. 2012 TRULY IS THE END OF DAYS!!!
The offseason is a time of hope, joy, and positive feelings about your team, no matter how bad they were the previous season. This week’s Muskbox echoes that sentiment with happy thoughts of Anthony Rizzo, Paul Maholm, and Derrek Lee! Because the Muskbox is where dreams go TO DIE. Sorry it’s not dumber, but people want to know what direction the team is headed for 2012. No answers are forthcoming. SPOILERS.