Growing up as a pure left-handed baseball player, my options on the field were limited. I was primarily a first baseman, though I did have my fair share of opportunities in the outfield and one ill-advised stint behind home plate (Why do they even SELL left-handed catcher’s mitts?). I’ve come to accept the fact that there are really only five positions on a baseball diamond for left-handers. The latest Muskbox has not yet accepted the same fact. Even more amazingly, someone finally asks a good question, and it’s followed up with NO ANSWER. Muskbox, away!
Despite appearances, I’m not letting HJE die a slow death. In fact, I’m working on another facelift for the old girl, which will probably take longer than the T79. Also, there may be a return of a beloved feature on the horizon. No, not the Shoutbox. I haven’t gotten around to that yet. In this latest episode of Muskbox, the fans lament Bryan LaHair’s lack of at-bats (DAFUQ?) and wonder what might have been for the Peoria Chiefs if Albert Pujols were still playing there. Yup.
If you have DirecTV, you might have already noticed: a pissing match between the CEOs of DirecTV and Tribune Broadcasting has escalated so that all Tribune Broadcasting stations, including WGN-TV and WGN America, have been pulled from DirecTV. For suckers like me, all it meant was a trip to Best Buy to purchase an HD antenna. For many others, it will just mean not being able to watch the Cubs when they open at home Thursday against Washington.
Eagle-eyed reader betterorworse originally pointed me to the captioned picture. And then ‘Duk gave us some more information about it. “Minor League Guy” is one of the Cardinals’ best prospects. Can you imagine the nerve if Comcast Sports Net had DARED called Felix Pie, “Fast Guy Who Grabs His Crotch a Lot”?
The Muskbox has this thing about changing days, changing locations, and changing formats. The only thing that remains consistent with the Muskbox is the awful content. I don’t know if Carrie is trying to shake me off her scent or if her webhost is rejecting her insane content. Whatever the issue may be, this week’s Muskbox is tucked away in Carrie’s Muskblog. BUT I FOUND IT.
The headline writers at the Chicago Tribune generally do a pretty good job coming up with descriptions of Phil Rogers’ nonsense that actually make the nonsense seem readable. But there are times when no amount of creative juice can hide the fact that Phil Rogers is a terrible writer during the full swing of the baseball season, so during the offseason he has to write dreck like, “A year later, what was point of Garza trade?”
If there’s one thing Carrie Muskat is obsessed with, it’s bobby pins. If there are two things she is obsessed with, those things are bobby pins and tiny, bad baseball players. That’s probably why her last two articles have had more Tony Campana in them than his baseball hat does. Yes, this week’s Muskbox is seriously discussing a guy who really shouldn’t be on the roster by the end of February. Love the Muskbox or hate it. At least it’s consistent.
If you’re interested in all things Geovany Soto, Brett Jackson, and Adrian Cardenas, well, this week’s Muskbox is right up your alley! Also, if you’re still hankering for chat about Koyie Hill, you’re absolutely mental. But Carrie has answers to all the questions that you were frightened to ask. Except for questions about sex. Those questions are sick and wrong, and you’re getting a little old for them, quite frankly.
Only one week after my mockery of the pre-Muskbox blurb, said blurb has gone missing from this week’s Muskbox! What lies in store for future Muskboxes? Will Carrie finally get a cubs.com e-mail address? Will a thought-provoking question get a researched, insightful answer? Will Carrie let her hair down? There is only one way to find out, and unfortunately it involves me continuing to read the Muskbox!
If the Muskbox is a competition, someone has finally won it. The prize? Free dinner with Carrie! The losers all won free breakfast with Carrie. In all my years of fisking the Muskbox, I have finally arrived at not only the dumbest question ever asked, but also a response so silent regarding the stupidity, that it echoes throughout the ages. I hope you’re seated for this week’s Muskbox, because who the hell stands at a desk, anyhow? Dwight Schrute?